#1
To find out how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user 2moms1bun, who posed the question, "Those who got married young (under 25), how is it going 10+ years later?" She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and shared that she was inspired to ask the question because she and her wife hit a big milestone this year - their 15th wedding anniversary.
"I was thinking of being young and having important people in our lives, on both sides of our families, tell us not to get married," the OP said. "The two reasons were that they were against gay marriage that they didn’t like that we were ‘too young.’ So, I wanted to see what other experiences had been. Was there a higher divorce rate if people were 'too young'?"
#2
2moms1bun shared that she doesn't believe there’s such thing as marrying too young, as long as both parties are around the same age and over 18. "I don’t think older couples fair better for having waited," she noted.
And as far as the replies to her post, the OP says, "There were some responses from people who had been married 50 and 60 years! Talk about couple goals! The idea of 70 and 80-year-olds taking to Reddit to brag about their spouse made my heart melt!"
#3
We also asked 2moms1bun if she had any wisdom to share with young couples who are planning on tying the knot soon. "What I do find makes the difference in any marriage is being best friends," she told Bored Panda. "I think it’s the best, most effective way to make a marriage last. A best friend is someone who will see you through anything, which is what a spouse should be! I’m so grateful that I married mine."
"My advice to anyone would be to ask yourself if the person beside you looked different, got sick, lost their career, or had another change, would you want to still be with them? Can you tell them anything? If the answer is yes, it’s likely that you are best friends and likely to do the work to make it last!" the OP added. "I’d like to thank my wife, Katie, for being my best friend, a wonderful mother, and my rock. Here’s to 50 more years!"
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#5
We were also lucky enough to get in touch with psychologist and founder of Couples Therapy Inc., Dr. Kathy McMahon. She had a chat with Bored Panda and discussed some of the pros and cons of tying the knot young. “Consider marrying younger versus older as the difference a colleague described as a ‘cornerstone’ vs. ‘capstone’ marriage,” the therapist shared.
“We’ve Only Just Begun was a famous Carpenters wedding song because it was so true of most weddings a generation or two ago. These couples were just starting out in adulthood, defining their goals, careers, notions of family and intimate life,” Dr. McMahon continued. “They grew together. Had children younger, and grew along with their children. The older couple can better sing All of Me by John Legend. There is an ‘all of me,’ and they are in love ‘under water’ but are still doing fine.”
#6
People might also have different expectations coming into marriage depending on their ages. Dr. McMahon says that the immaturity of the cornerstone couple can produce problems, but their insecurities will keep them together in all but the most challenging situations. “And time does heal wounds in all but the worst marriages. Many ‘outlast’ their problems,” the expert shared.
“In the capstone wedding, these people have finished college and grad school, got settled in their careers, maybe a house, car, (and sometimes a child or two) and then looked for that ‘perfect mate’ who they could settle down and commit themselves to,” Dr. McMahon continued. “They realize that ‘perfect’ doesn’t exist.”
#7
Adjusting to living together might also be different for younger vs. older couples. “The cornerstone couple needs the wedding showers for the pots and pans and blenders. The capstone couple have had double of those, and often have had to make hard choices about living in ‘your place, my place’ or get a new home together,” Dr. McMahon explained.
“The cornerstone couple needed to learn to live with each other after living with their parents or roommates. The capstone couple have often gone past that stage and learned to live alone and establish a life that is ‘just so’ the way they like it,” the expert continued.
“There are conflicts in both, but these are different issues, as the younger couple might not have firm opinions, while the older couple might have tried several options before settling on what each likes best. The older couple might have the ability to compromise, but also the time to be whetted to why they think their way is best.”
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Dr. McMahon also says that younger couples often bring children into a jello that has not yet firmly formed. “These women may delay career advancement to stay home with children, and their earlier-career incomes make this appear more doable. Maybe they work a part-time job, when a parent or partner can care for the children.”
On the other hand, older couples have likely put off children for a long time and now feel the biological pressure to start a family sooner rather than later. “They might have saved for an extended maternity leave, or have the seniority to rework their jobs for a while. But leaving their careers entirely is often impractical and undesirable for financial and emotional reasons,” Dr. McMahon shared. “The offspring ‘move in with’ these capstone parents, whereas the cornerstone parents ‘move in’ with their child(ren).”
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#12
But regardless of when couples are getting married, Dr. McMahon says we see a much deeper commitment to working on marriages and an acceptance of getting help in this generation. “The shame of ‘getting help’ is dramatically lessened regardless of the age of marriage,” she told Bored Panda. “Many see it as preventative. It might be SES that enables the capstone couples from getting it, rather than the fact that they ‘cherish’ their marriage more.”
“But that might be true as the capstone couple have ‘worked for’ their relationships from the beginning,” the expert added. “The capstone couple often have had a prior dating history and know what ‘fish in the sea’ are out there. It might be that having married earlier, the cornerstone couple imagine that they ‘married the wrong Ms/Mr Right’ and divorce holds greater promise.”
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Dr. McMahon also noted that the cornerstone women who put off careers in favor of children do make a contribution to society too; they just do it when they’re older. “By their 40’s, the kids are grown, and it is often a time they focus on themselves,” she explained. “These cornerstone couples may have more economic stress as a result, earlier on, and a smaller retirement account for the women to rely on if they divorce.”
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At the end of the day, the therapist says there’s no wrong age to get married. “Other than in pure financial terms (and this is a big ‘but’ as money worries do impact marriage greatly) let me use this metaphor about these marriages: The cornerstone marriage might be thought of as a shimmering dress with hundreds of jewels, whereas a capstone marriage might be more like a satin dress with a large diamond necklace. Both are gorgeous if you have the opportunity to wear them, they are just different.”
If you’d like to hear more wise words about marriage and relationships, be sure to visit Couples Therapy Inc!
#19
Also, in 1980 if was so much more the norm to get married rather than live together, so there was that pressure too, to get married before settling down.
#20
