Occasions,Wedding,RelationshipsMAR 9, 2023

People Who've Been Engaged Share What Caused Them To Not Go Through With The Wedding, And Here Are The 30 Wildest Stories

Mantas Kačerauskas and Jonas Grinevičius

103

When you think of your dream wedding, you probably have a very clear picture in your head about how things will turn out. You likely know what you’ll wear, what the band will be playing, what the cake will taste like, and how you’ll look into your soulmate’s eyes and say, ‘I do!’ However… not everyone gets that happily ever after they’ve been daydreaming of for years.

Sometimes, things simply don’t work out and the relationship ends. Dashed to pieces. We’ve collected some of the most powerful and heartbreaking stories about why people called off their weddings from these two candid threads on r/AskReddit here and here. Scroll down to read their stories.

Dating and relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, shared his thoughts with us about what forms the foundations of a strong relationship and how someone can tell if there are genuine issues before getting married or if they've simply got cold feet. You'll find Bored Panda's full interview with the expert below.

#1

People Who've Been Engaged Share What Caused Them To Not Go Through With The Wedding, And Here Are The 30 Wildest Stories

She fell in love with my best friend. We went on a trip to visit him, and at the end of it I caught them making out in her car. They ended up getting married a few months later and had a child shortly thereafter. They just recently finalized their divorce. I ran into my old "friend" and met their kid. I asked what happened and he said, "Same thing as what happened to you, man."

If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

poofacedlemur, Vlada Karpovich

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147points

#2

She started hanging out with an old group of high school friends and just changed. She became extremely nasty over wedding plans, telling me we had to have the exact same number of guests on both sides. If I had one more guest than she did, she made me remove someone from my side. I knew if I moved forward it would have ended in divorce, so I just ended it before it got to that.

JoeyBlaze, Hannah Busing

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137points

#3

He cheated on my the entire time we were engaged, but being young and dumb I looked the other way. Finally, one weekend he wanted to stay with his friends for a "man get away" and on one of those nights he texted me and broke it off. Yes, I said texted. Came back to our apartment 4 days later and I don't remember all the details, but he moved some of his things out that day. Found out, one of the girls he was cheating on me with had just gotten an apartment at the complex I lived at. He moved in with her and their apartment kitchen window faced my kitchen window, it was great. Eventually his best friend laid it all out and told me how long this had been going on and with how many girls, really heartbreaking honestly. His best friend and I became good friends after this and one night he admitted that he had feelings for me the moment we met and knew my ex would leave me at some point, because I was the 3rd girl he had done this to. So... long story short, my ex married the girl he cheated on me with and eventually she left him, for a woman. His best friend... we've been together for 7 years and we're getting married next Spring and I couldn't have picked a better person to spend eternity with.

Ahrianna

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130points

According to dating expert Dan, from The Modern Man, genuine mutual attraction, respect, and love all help create the foundation for a long-lasting relationship.

"If only one person has genuine feelings, the relationship will be unbalanced, problematic, and unfulfilling for both of them. Some couples will put up with a relationship like that for a while, but it eventually reaches a point where one of them cheats, or ends the relationship," he stressed how important it is that those feelings are mutual.

Bored Panda wanted to get Dan's thoughts on how people can tell if there are real issues with their relationship rather than just them dealing with some nerves right before the wedding.

"People know when something isn't right. You can sense it. It's just that people sometimes try to ignore it, so they can go through with a wedding and hopefully impress family or friends, or secure the other person into a legally binding commitment that they will struggle to get out of," he warned.

#4

She was controlling, manipulative, and abusive. She was like this before we got engaged, but since it was my first relationship, I didn't know any better. She got worse after the engagement. I wasn't allowed to have any friends or access the internet. I couldn't watch TV, go to movies, or read any books without her permission first. She had to know where I was every moment of the day. As far as she was concerned, my sole reason for existence was to do whatever she wanted.

One day, I got fed up with something she wanted me to do and told her no. She said that she couldn't marry me if I wasn't willing to do what she asked. She broke off the engagement a few days later.

A few months later, she called me to try to get back together with me. She didn't think that the breakup would be permanent. She just thought that I would be so unhappy without her that I would go crawling back to her. We had broken up a couple of times before our engagement, and this was apparently her strategy those times as well. By this time, I recognized this as the manipulative tactic is was, so I refused to get back together with her. Looking back on it, I would have been miserable with her, so it was the best decision I could have made.

crono09

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127points

#5

He started reading the bible and believed he was the second coming of Jesus Christ. Not joking.

songbird11111, Pixabay

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117points

#6

I went through something similar although not quite as drastic. I met the guy when I was 17, he was 21. I fell head over heels in love with him and everything was rainbows and lollipops. His family loved me, my family loved him, all was right in the world. We started talking marriage and making plans and then he got sick with a non-fatal illness that was still serious enough to affect his day to day life. And everything changed including his personality. He became crazy jealous and possessive and would threaten to kill himself if I ever tried to leave him, because he loved me so much! I realized that I was absolutely trapped in this relationship because so many people would constantly tell me how much my fiance NEEDED me and how much he loved me. And there was the massive guilt I had because how do you break up with a sick man? I had to always play the part of the happy and loving fiancee when all I wanted to do was escape. The thought of having to go through with marrying him gave me an ulcer. I had nobody to talk to about this, either. My family and friends all just adored him and I would have been this evil heartless person if I broke up with him. He did pass away a few months later from complications from his illness and it took me years before I could tell anyone that the main emotion I felt at his death was relief that I was free.

KarizmaWithaK

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114points

"When a couple is truly in love and genuine about their commitment to each other, there is no question about whether they want to be together. Marriage is simply the next step in the process of being together for life as a couple. It's not a mandatory step, but somehow, it feels like the right step because both people genuinely don't want to be with anyone else. "

The expert told Bored Panda that you simply know that you don't want to be with anyone else. You know that you genuinely love, respect, and feel attracted to your significant other and that they feel the same way.

"Of course, sometimes a person has commitment issues due to previously being cheated on or broken up with. As a result, they might worry about committing to the point of marriage and then having to live worried about potentially being cheated on or left at some point," the founder of The Modern Man told us.

"Being nervous or worried about that is a lot different from not genuinely feeling attracted to, or feeling like you're in love with the other person you're intending to marry. If it's the latter, there's no point in getting married because it won't be fulfilling for either person and will most likely end in a divorce.

#7

We got engaged without fully discussing what would happen after I graduated from college and we could stop being long-distance. As it turns out, he was not much of a city guy, and I didn't want to move to the boonies and be a stay-at-home wife immediately after graduation.

Whoops! It worked out for the best for both of us.

iswearitsreallyme, Becca Tapert

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109points

#8

Came home for lunch one day to surprise her. Surprise was on me as she was in the middle of f*****g her co-worker on my couch.

I loved that couch.

C_Obvious, Lisa Fotios

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107points

#9

Apparently once we got engaged he decided he had me on lockdown and started cheating in me with multiple women. Since we were only engaged everything was still in my name only (he had s**t credit) so it was real easy to boot his a*s out.

aerinws

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103points

There’s a ton of pressure that comes with getting married. Pretty much everyone from your family and friends to your coworkers and acquaintances will have expectations about how the actual wedding will look. You might have spent a couple of years saving up for the big day. And another year organizing everything to be as close to ‘perfect’ as you can.

It’s then that something dramatic happens, months, weeks, days before the wedding… or even during the ceremony itself!

You might have learned that your partner was unfaithful. You may have realized that you’re simply too incompatible to be together and you’d been lying to yourself for far too long. Or you finally understood that the only reason you were getting married in the first place was that everyone else in your social circle pushed you to do it. And so, with a heavy heart and a lot of anxiety, you call the wedding off.

#10

We were together for 9.5 years. Set to be married on our 10 year anniversary. He started hanging out at work a lot more than normal (happy hour, company outings, etc). He started to develop a friendship with a female coworker. Ive had platonic male friends my entire life so nbd. But one time my best friend and i were playfully teasing that this female friend was his girlfriend... and he got real mad almost instantly. After that i knew they were together but didnt want to admit it. I went on a weekend beach vacation with my best friend, and he went camping with her and a gay couple. Im sure they slept together that weekend if they already hadnt. About a month later he went to a work event and purposefully made it difficult for me to attend, to the point of saying 'i dont really want you to go'. She posted a status on Facebook and tagged him in it and i went ballistic. Called him and demanded he come home. We talked, and he admitted that hes in love with her and doesnt want to be with me anymore. 8 months before the wedding. 3 years engaged. I moved out three weeks later. Took the dog and cat.

He tries to text me every so often. I dont respond.

Lester_Knopf

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100points

#11

Got engaged to my pregnant girlfriend. 4 months before the wedding, she calls it off saying she doesn't feel the love anymore. A week after that, I came home early from my second job to surprise her and see if we can work things out and found her in bed with the guy who would have been my best man. Turns out they've been shacking up for 6 months and she planned to leave me for him as soon as he broke things off with his wife (who was to be her maid of honor). I decided to speed up the process by telling his wife what I found and instead of leaving her, the guy ditches my fiancee to try to salvage his marriage.

Toofpasties, Juan Encalada

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95points

#12

I was 16 years old and working at Chess King in the mall when a man (who originally lied about his age saying he was 20, but I shortly found out was 26) came in and was extremely enamored with me. I had some daddy issues, loved the attention and soon thought I was in love. He asked me to marry him 2 weeks later. He had even asked my parents permission and they said yes (I still am upset with them for that). Summer was coming shortly after and he wanted me to move in with him for the summer. I was living in NY at the time and he was living in Maryland (He had been in NY visiting his parents and staying with them till his new job started as a used car salesmen). So I got in his white pick up truck and drove with him to Maryland for the summer. When I got there it was a tiny little apartment in an all black neighborhood (we are both white). He had leased the apartment by phone and had no idea what neighborhood it was in (pre internet). He took his truck to work everyday and I had no transportation so I would just walk around during the day. Everyone would stare at me and no one actually talked to me, I felt extremely out of place despite trying my best to be ok with the situation. He wanted to have sex every day the second he got home from work and would want me to be waiting in the bedroom for him. I hated it and would close my eyes till it was over. After 5 days I was in the apartment while he was at work and I opened the silverware drawer and a big cockroach crawled across the utensils. I don’t know exactly why that was the turning point for me but I just said out loud F THIS. I packed my suitcase and sat on the couch with the suitcase on my lap till he got home from work. The second I saw him I said “Take me home” , he said a lot of s**t, was angry, I said nothing besides that I wanted to go home. Somehow he agreed to drive me back to NY and we left that night. The whole way home he talked about how this doesn’t change anything and that we’ll still be together. I stayed silent. When we pulled in the driveway I took off the ring and set it on the console. I didn’t say anything and booked it into the house and locked the door. He didn’t come after me but proceeded to call constantly for weeks, I refused to answer. I never saw him again. I’m 41 now and have 4 children. My oldest is 18. Only as an adult have I been able to see how disgusting and terrifying what I went through was. For years I was embarrassed to tell that story but now I realize I was a child and it’s him and my parents that should be embarrassed.

1birdofprey1

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92points

It’s important to focus on the essentials in these situations. You have to be completely open and honest with yourself about the future of your relationship: are you simply dealing with cold feet as the Big Day approaches or are you two fundamentally incompatible and you’ve only been playing along?

The last thing you want to do is go through with the wedding only because your nearest and dearest are pressuring you to. Set aside your parents’ and grandparents’ expectations. Ignore, for a moment, how much time, money, and effort everyone’s put into organizing the celebration of love. Don’t think about the caterers, vendors, and designers.

Wedding costs are absolutely astronomical. A study done by The Knot looked at 12,000 couples who got married in 2022 and found that the average cost of a wedding in the United States was $30,000.

However big the costs might be, ignore them. Focus on you and your partner. At the end of the day, that’s the only thing that matters.

#13

She cheated and eventually chose him instead. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Went back to school, got a career, and met a wonderful person to spend my life with.

scooterjb

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90points

#14

First, he changed, big time. He became controlling, jealous, and seemed to really expect that we'd reenact his parents wildly disfunctional marriage. Repeated long talks about it didn't change anything.

There came a point where we were planning the wedding while I was realistically picturing myself as divorced in 5 years. That was stupid, and I ended it. We're both married to other people for over 25 years now, but he was bitter and mean the last time we ran into each other. I dodged such a bullet.

Toirneach

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83points

#15

He called me during his bachelor party. To apologize for f***ing a stripper... while still f***ing the stripper. That was the end of that.

freyjathebloody, Tembela Bohle

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81points

If you’re having massive doubts because you’ve seen your SO in a drastically different light, then committing to each other ‘till death do you part’ might not be the best course of action. Why get married if you’ll only get divorced a few months down the line?

What you need is to voice your thoughts to your partner. Have a proper conversation about how both of you are feeling. If you have any relatives or friends whom you can 100% trust to be objective, supportive, and unjudgmental, get a hold of them and talk to them about your concerns. Let them help you figure out whether you’re simply dealing with a bad case of cold feet or if your gut is telling you that something’s wrong because it is.

According to ‘Divorce,’ the United States has the sixth highest rate of divorce around the globe. A whopping 40% to 50% of married couples end up filing for a divorce.

The more times a person has been married, the more likely they are to get divorced. For instance, the divorce rate for second marriages is 60%. Meanwhile, the rate is 73% for third marriages.

#16

Not me but my mother.

My mom called off a wedding just weeks before the ceremony date because she found out her fiancé had lied to her about his whereabouts and was partying at a hotel with friends and other women. She caught him in a hot tub at 1am with twin sisters.

Fast forward about 3 years later. She starts dating and later marries the man who is my biological father.

She said meeting the family was especially awkward when she discovered my father had three sisters.. two of which were the twins she caught her ex fiancé with in the hot tub.

MoVodka

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77points

#17

She said yes, and then started getting further and further away from me. Started to go out drinking with her friends, quit her job, stopped talking to me honestly about her feelings. Would get really upset with me when I tried to talk with her about what was going on.

She left me in the middle of my hardest semester and left me heartbroken. I climbed out of that hole, pushed through and did really well that semester. Then I met another girl at college and started to fall for her.

And who should try to come back into my life but the one who left me. She told me she couldn't believe I got over her so fast after almost 5 years, and that I was just using another woman to hide my pain etc. And that I actually still loved her.

Yeahhhhhhhhhhh she was wrong. Through the gauntlet I went through I determined that I did not at all deserve to be unhappy. I treated her amazing for the entirety of our relationship and if she didn't know what she had when she had it, she didn't deserve it. So I moved on. I left her behind with no regrets.

I'm now in a relationship with the new girl I met and extremely happy ☺️ been almost 2 years

I'm guessing some people are going through this right now; my advice is this:

Life is going to move on. It's going to be hard and terrible but you have got to push through and come out stronger on the other side. As sad and as wrong as it sounds there are other people who will love you better and right.

Maybe you've made some mistakes and that's why things didn't work out. Maybe you didn't and the problem rested elsewhere. Regardless, you need to gather yourself and work towards making yourself happy. You deserve happiness.

Your worth and happiness are not defined by a person. They're defined by yourself. Go out and make yourself happy. You can do it

drdre398

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76points

#18

Not me but two of my coworkers got engaged (made a big, big deal out of it), started fighting about every detail of everything and broke it off. Five years later they quietly got engaged again and had a small wedding. Happily married 10 years later.

well_uh_yeah, Marc A. Sporys

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70points

#19

He went off camping with his brothers and did some mushrooms. Decided then our city was just too much city for him and a life of going to work and coming home was just too mundane. We were to close on our house (which I got since I had put down my entire savings on the deposit) in 3 days and get married in 2 weeks. That was when he had his "epiphany" that the life we were going to have just wasn't good enough (yes, being married and having a stable job and house are just terrible). He had already cheated on me and we had moved on from that (I thought), so to lose it all again really wounded me.

Jokes on him. He still has a job here in this city he hates so much. I have a beautiful house and he's living with his brother in a college campus apartment. D**k.

recycledpaper

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69points

#20

My ex fiance and I kept disagreeing about stuff for the wedding. She comes from a wealthy family and I didn't have the money to have the type of wedding she wanted. My family offered to help out on some things and she agreed to give a little ground. I found out a week later that she and her mom had completely change everything without telling me. Most of these changes I couldn't afford. When I confronted her about it, she asked me where I had heard that. I told her my sister had told me. She told me that I needed to choose between her and my family. It didn't take me but a few seconds to tell her that she could get all her s**t put the house as soon as possible.

xZenRiotx, Photos by Lanty

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60points

103