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The author of the viral thread, redditor u/Jman1994678, opened up about what inspired them to ask the question on the internet in the first place. According to them, they remembered their own college days.
"I was meeting up with my college roommate and we were reminiscing about the good old days with our other roommate," they shared with Bored Panda.
According to the OP, one of the best things anyone can do before moving in together is to explain where their boundaries lie so that everyone's on the same page.
"Mention your boundaries before you sign the lease. And be very clear on them," u/Jman1994678 stressed the importance of open, honest, and upfront communication.
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"People think that roommates can be fun, they definitely can be, but you really don’t know who someone is until you live with them even if it’s your best friend," u/Jman1994678 warned that nobody should be romanticizing life with a roommate before they've actually moved in together.
"If your roommate is out of control, tell your landlord immediately and get some authority involved," they suggested how someone might want to handle tougher situations.
"If that landlord doesn’t care, try finding a sub-leaser immediately. Know your laws as a lessee."
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We were curious to get the OP's thoughts on the signs that someone might be great or a total nightmare to live with.
"How they live at home can be a really good indicator how they’ll be as a roommate," they shared some advice with Bored Panda.
"When looking for a roommate watch for things like hygiene, drug usage, and overall mental health. And do NOT be afraid to say no and speak up. If erratic behavior continues without consequences they’ll just keep doing it."
Roommates are no different than all the other people in your life: you have to create and enforce boundaries in order to have healthy relationships with them. Nobody else is going to do that for you. So how much you’re willing to tolerate when it comes to inappropriate (and sometimes even frankly disgusting) behavior comes down to you.
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You are, in effect, responsible for saying ‘enough is enough’ and starting those uncomfortable conversations when the trash is overflowing, when the music keeps pounding in the middle of the night, and when your roommates trample all over your dignity. In an ideal world, everyone would be self-aware and far more empathetic. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.
Kat Cohen, the CEO and Founder of college guidance company IvyWise, told CNBC that drafting a roommate contract can be very helpful. That way, everyone becomes aware of the house rules and responsibilities and learns about each other’s preferences. Say, how they feel about someone having unwanted visitors over. The best way to solve a problem is to preemptively avoid it altogether.
“An individual’s ability to be considerate of others and willingness to compromise are important determining factors as to whether he or she will be a good roommate or not,” Cohen explains that a person who is unwilling to relent and look for common ground may be very difficult to get along with, in all aspects of life.
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There’s a huge difference between someone who knows that they’re acting wrong and continues to do so, consequences be damned, and a person who is simply oblivious to the negative effects their behavior has on others. In the former case, you may want to consider living separately because having someone malicious and unkind as your roommate won’t bode well. (That is, unless they have a complete change of heart and decide to change everything about themselves, but let’s get real, breakthroughs like that don’t happen this quickly.)
In the latter case, however, there’s a lot more hope for a happy compromise. However, think about how you phrase your request, whether you’re talking about chores or surprise nighttime visitors. The less you make it seem like you’re attacking your roommate and their behavior, the more likely they’ll be to hear you out.
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Remember that your goal is to solve the problem, not rage at your God-awful roommate. You want (and need!) them to compromise, so you need to be willing to hear out their side of things and be somewhat flexible to accommodate their wishes. Be friendly but firm, direct but diplomatic. Nobody’s perfect and there’s bound to be friction when living with someone else, after all—but common sense rules still need to be followed.
Obviously, in some cases, you simply won’t find a compromise. Or there’s just too much miscommunication going on. You should definitely consider asking a mediator to step in. If you’re living in a college dorm, for instance, you could ask one of the uni’s reps to help solve the issue. Meanwhile, if you’re renting a proper house or apartment, you may want to ask a third roommate to mediate, before you ask your landlord to step in.
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