I previously had a chat about keeping the bonds of marriage strong with Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and her husband James Pawelski, the authors of 'Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts.'
"While it’s critical we all social distance, we must make sure not to emotionally distance with our friends and family. Positive psychology research indicates that one of the most important factors in human flourishing is building close relationships with others,” Suzie and James told Bored Panda.
“A wedding is a magical day no doubt, and of course something to celebrate, but what about planning for all the days to come in our marriage which is intended to last a lifetime? Many newlyweds seem to think that ‘happily ever after’ just happens. However, research shows it’s healthy habits that build long-term love," the couple explained that we have to work at relationships; they’re not something that automatically turns out great.
"It’s interesting that it’s the only domain in our lives where we think that success will just happen without much effort of our own. For example, when it comes to our physical health, it would be foolish to think that merely buying a gym membership and working out once would strengthen our muscles and build flexibility (if only that were the case!).”
The couple said: “We all know that in order to increase our strength and tone our bodies we have to work at it regularly. So, too, when it comes to our relational health. However, popular culture seems to romanticize marriage making people think that once you get married you can merely ride off into the sunset together. That’s obviously not the case. It takes work.”
The couple sees marriage as an adventure. A challenging one but an adventure nonetheless. "Being open, curious, and having a growth mindset about ourselves, and our partners will help us be able to better navigate together in marriage. Marriage isn’t an end state but rather a beginning. It’s a process and a life-long journey. The more we seek to understand ourselves and our partners, the better equipped we will be to travel together on this beautiful, yet often challenging adventure."
There are various exercises that help strengthen relationships. Suzie and James shared a few of them with Bored Panda.
"They can focus on what they put into the relationship rather than what they get out of it. Truly happy couples realize that happily ever after doesn’t just happen but that it takes effort. These couples focus on action steps they can take to improve their relational happiness rather than relying on their partner to fulfill them,” was their first tip.
