This Thread Has People Sharing Stories About Lunatic Roommates, And Here Are 30 Of The Most Nightmarish Ones

Dr. Jesse Matthews explained that arguments are frequently the result of a lack of communication. "Essentially, one or more people has an issue with the other but doesn’t talk about it, and so it continues and festers in their own mind, until it becomes a bigger problem and blows up into an argument, either when someone can no longer contain it or when it is triggered," he told Bored Panda.

This can turn into a real issue because it creates resentment toward others, which makes it a bigger problem for us. Moreover, it can develop into uncomfortable or unhealthy dynamics, which can be a problem for all involved, Dr. Matthews added. So to avoid adding fuel to the fire, communicating early, often, and tactfully is key. The psychologist told us that this means verbalizing issues as early as possible, rather than keeping our feelings bottled up inside.

"If you don’t communicate, then the other person cannot know that it’s a problem for you, and so they will likely just continue. The tactful part is choosing your battles and not bringing up or complaining about every little thing that bothers you, but being selective and approaching the things that are of more importance," he suggested.

Sadly, sometimes it feels almost impossible to roll out our tongues to talk about things that are bothering us. Dr. Matthews said that many of us have been taught to be polite and considerate. Because living with others involves a fair share of chores and agreed-upon rules, we may feel it’s impolite to complain when our housemate’s behaviors don’t live up to our standards.

"We often learn that it’s good to be agreeable as well, so we may fear seeming disagreeable. And of course, we want people to like us, so we may believe that complaining might cause our roommates not to like us as much."

Another reason we may refrain from voicing our criticisms could be something called "self gaslighting". "Essentially denying our own feelings and telling ourselves that something isn’t an issue or that we are wrong for being bothered by it." Beyond these reasons, conflict avoidance is often to blame, Dr. Matthews told us. "We may fear any type of conflict and the discomfort that we expect from having difficult conversations, so much so that we believe we can’t voice any complaint or issue, or even ask a question."

However, staying silent often leads to internal problems like general discomfort or unhappiness, as well as anxiety, anger, or resentment. "Many people who don’t communicate directly often learn to communicate their feelings indirectly, such as through passive aggression." For example, if they are being kept up at night by noise, "they may start slamming cabinet doors and banging dishes around in the early morning hours."

"Behaviors such as these are meant to send a message or to get back at the offending person, but in a way that feels easier to the person — in part because they can deny that any message was intended if called out on it," Dr. Matthews said and added this clearly can lead to further issues with roommates.

If you want to become better at communicating your thoughts with your roommates, the best way to do this is to kindly yet directly express the issue using "I" statements. Dr. Matthews advised talking about how certain situations affect us and what we would like instead. "Using "I" statements we can keep things to how we feel and how we are being affected, instead of having the other person feel blamed and helping them to become less defensive," he added.

Unfortunately, many people seem to struggle with this. "A great way to start communicating and to keep it flowing is to have regular meetings, similar to how some couples or families do. Set aside a regular time, say 15-30 minutes, each week and give everyone an opportunity to contribute. Check in about how things are going with everyone, set and talk about house rules, and provide updates on things like bills for rent or utilities," the psychologist suggested.