Living with a sleep-talker is an adventure in itself. You wake up in the middle of the night to your partner mumbling complete gibberish — or muttering elaborate midnight monologues — while their mind is deep in dreamland. Time and again, you hope they will spill a juicy secret, but all they do is whisper sweet nothings and swiftly go back to sleep. And when morning rolls around, they have no clue it even happened.
Sleep talking is one of those bizarre activities that lead to hilarious late-night utterances. Usually. Because once in a blue moon, your loved one will declare something so odd, you're bound to scratch your head from confusion. So one person reached out to Reddit and asked fellow users to share the creepiest, weirdest, and downright random things their partner has ever said in their sleep. And the people have spoken!
From "I’m your fan" to "Open the window, Abigail, I'm burning like a meatball!", we have compiled an entertaining collection of short stories to share with you all. So grab a warm blanket and get ready to laugh through these amusing exchanges. And if you’re feeling up to it, let us know if you or someone you know has ever experienced anything like this down below in the comments.
Psst! For more sleep-talking goodness, check out our earlier posts right here and here.
#21
Random:
While rubbing my thigh "you sure do have a nice engine in your van"
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138points
#22
"The money is hidden off the road by the Indian Reservation." I tried to get her to talk more but she mumbled something I couldn't understand and went back to sleep.
She doesn't remember her dreams after she wakes up so it's this mystery of whether or not she hid money in the desert
135points
#23
My girlfriend would be stressed about work, talking about speed sheets and emails. I would answer her and say the most outrageous things.
"The spreadsheets got ice cream on them and need to be set on fire"
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124points
#24
My ex wife once said "We'll see how f*****g funny you think it is when you're dead" in the middle of the night. Not mumbled. Fully articulated in a calm voice. Scared the s**t out of me.
Current wife once indignantly shouted "I can't poop here! Everyone is watching!" And I do mean shouted. I cannot imagine how I would have reacted had I been asleep. As it was, I was playing with my iPad in bed while she slept and I about jumped out of my skin.
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120points
#25
We both talk in our sleep but I think this one was so far the weirdest.
One night he started giggling and I asked him why he's doing it. Then he just replied with "I want to tap your teeth and make them go 'hello'!"
Still no idea what that meant.
Edit:
Just remembered another one that was very weird.
One time in his sleep he started making very weird, distressed noises. I asked if he was having a nightmare and he told me he's in a war with colanders, trying to rip them apart with his bare hands.
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118points
#26
"There's no love here."
Also, he studied so hard for an organic Chem final a few semesters ago that in the middle of the night he dead a*s said - "Aldehyde" at a louder than normal talking volume. I still get a good laugh at this
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115points
#27
My wife would jump to tell you that I said; "How come you get the cool spaceships and I get the Jetsons?" Then made the Jetsons flying car sound and went back to sleep
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109points
#28
My roommate sleep talks almost every night and I once walked in on him sobbing. Full on bawling.
I asked if he was good and he said in the calmest voice “yeah sure I just wanted to see it to the end”.... he doesn’t remember it one bit.
The runner-up was when he burst into laughter and then said “why did none you try to chop my head off just then?”
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103points
#29
Son(sleeping): ONE HUNDRED?!?!
Me: 100 what?
Son: ONE HUNDRED PUSH UPS?!!!!
100points
#30
It’s not something he said, he sort of mumbles when he talks, but it’s the sounds he makes. Sometimes he giggles like a little girl; which is terrifying.
The worst was when he sat straight up and gasped super loud while staring at the wall. I asked what was wrong, but he was asleep. Meanwhile, I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was so scared.
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93points