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While feeling regret can be truly daunting, it’s a very human emotion to have. When we think of our regrets, we normally put focus on things like missed opportunities, past decisions, or losses.
Mary C. Lamia Ph.D, a clinical psychologist psychoanalyst who works with adults, couples, adolescents, and preteens, argues that what concerns us the most in terms of our regrets is our failure to live up to our “ideal selves” over and above our preoccupation with the mistakes we have made or the things we ought to have done. This may suggest that in the long run, we regret our inactions more than our actions.
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Started counselling and medication (Adderall) and its like a switch was thrown. I'm a functional human... Finally.
Now I'm just dealing with the emotional trauma of growing up like that and all the pent up frustration and anger over a life that "might have been" had my parents, or anyone for that matter, made an effort to really find out why I was the way I was... Better late than never I guess.
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But while life-long regrets are real and powerful aspects of being human, smaller and more instant regrets are also part of our daily lives. They may include a nasty thing we said to our loved one or a spontaneous purchase. Speaking of the latter, impulse buying is often known as something that causes an intense sensation of regret immediately after or a little later.
Typically, an impulsive action like shopping results from tension that has built to the point where the person can no longer resist it. The immediate sense of relief from acting on an impulsive behavior is short-lived.
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In the age of consumerism, controlling urges to buy and consume new things every day may be a challenge to many of us, so we reached out to Emily Malamet, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist from the Paris Psychology Centre, to find out more about controlling our impulse to spend.
So if you’re currently browsing the sales section online or thinking of deals to catch on Black Friday, you may want to pull your seat closer to make sure you don’t regret any of these buys later.
Malamet told us people with compulsive shopping disorder may resort to borrowing money from family and friends to be able to shop more, which in turn can fuel the addiction. So it’s surely not so innocent.
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“Relationships with loved ones can become more and more strained over time because those who have a shopping addiction may continually ask to borrow money even when they don’t have the capacity to pay back their debt.”
Moreover, the feelings of intense shame, regret and and desire to hide spending go hand in hand with shopping addiction. This often leads to lying, Malamet argues, something that can put a huge strain romantic relationships and friendships.
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Some signs that a person might be suffering from a shopping addiction include but are not limited to, according to Malamet, things like always thinking about things they are going to purchase and being unable to stop their cycle of compulsive shopping.
Other symptoms include a rush of euphoria after having made a purchase, an urge to buy that's overwhelming and must be gratified instantly, and feeling regret or guilt about things that they have bought. Many people with shopping addiction start to face financial problems or the inability to pay off debt which in turn makes them lie about things they have purchased or hiding what they have bought.
Meanwhile, “normal shopping involves purchasing items which are needed and used, the absence of compulsion, a lack of financial distress from purchases and having occasional splurges,” the psychologist explained.
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