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41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes

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If you’ve committed a crime, the ethical and smart thing to do would be to turn yourself in to the authorities. You then face your punishment and genuinely try to make amends for the horrible things you’ve done. However, some people think that they’re above the law and can escape the consequences of their actions.
In a brutally honest AskReddit thread, lawyers, police officers, and everyday people revealed the stupidest things they’ve seen criminals do to try to cover up their crimes. Their ‘briliant’ plans backfired and landed them in even more hot water.

#1

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
My nephew robbed a liquor store during a snowstorm in the middle of the night. He didn’t have a car so he had to walk. All the cops had to do was follow his footprints back to his house.
41points

Whether you and the society you are in believe that criminals should be punished or rehabilitated affects how your overall justice system functions. What the function of prisons is, what to do with criminals, and how the damage they’ve done to society should be restored are all difficult questions that say a lot about your sense of ethics and morality.

There’s an argument to be made for restorative justice, where the criminal justice system encourages the restoration of relationships among the offenders, victims, and communities. However, there’s a question here whether the state should (or even could) force an individual to atone for their crimes.

According to the American Psychological Association, until the mid-1970s, the idea of prisoner rehabilitation was a key part of the prison policy in the United States.

“Prisoners were encouraged to develop occupational skills and to resolve psychological problems--such as substance [misuse] or aggression--that might interfere with their reintegration into society. Indeed, many inmates received court sentences that mandated treatment for such problems.”

However, things soon drastically changed.

#2

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
There was a guy who went to his buddies house after nearly mortally beating his girlfriend, police end up showing up to the house where the guy was, friend answers and buddy shows up behind the guy not wearing a shirt (this is important) police say who they’re looking for and both men say they don’t know who that person is. Here’s the kicker:

The guy that’s shirtless? Who beat his girlfriend? He has his first initial and last name in a big bold tattoo across his chest.
40points

#3

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
My sister is a sergeant LEO that used to work in robbery. She shows up to court to be present for the case where a guy is on trial for robbing a bank. They have him on camera and he wants to represent himself (no lawyer). His opening line is, “Yes, your honor. I’d just like to point out that you can’t tell that was me on camera because I was wearing a hat!”

....yea that was a fast trial.
37points

In the US, the system’s stance toward criminals then took a more punitive turn, with less focus on rehabilitation. In other words, there was a switch towards a “get tough on crime” philosophy, where prisons were seen as a place to punish the incarcerated.

The result, according to the APA, was a huge growth in the prison population. And yet, the effect on crime rates was modest.

“As a result, the United States now has more than 2 million people in prisons or jails--the equivalent of one in every 142 U.S. residents--and another four to five million people on probation or parole. A higher percentage of the population is involved in the criminal justice system in the United States than in any other developed country,” the APA reports.

As per the US Department of Justice, an estimated 15% to 20% of people in prison are mentally ill.

#4

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
I knew a chick who robbed a house she was house sitting for silverware and jewelry. She pawned it off at the closest pawn shop to the house so she was caught right away. However, being the dope fiend she was, she poured bleach all over the house to “get rid of her finger prints.” Instead of petty theft, she ruined the stairs and all the hardwood floors and paint on the walls and ended up with damages exceeding 10k if I remember correctly, which launched her well into new legal territories.
36points

#5

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
Not a lawyer or a cop but I was at an insurance place and a guy smashed up his car and claimed he hit a deer and he shoved fur in the cracks and seams that wasn't deer fur and then in the car was his dog with the matching color fur and a big shaved spot hahah.
36points

#6

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
There was an Indian guy who burned his daughters apartment building down because she was living with a guy from a lower caste or something in the Chicago suburbs. He threw the gas can he used in the dumpster right next to the building. It had his name on it.
32points

"Prisons have really become, in many ways, the de facto mental health hospitals. But prisons weren't built to deal with mentally ill people; they were built to deal with criminals doing time,” noted former prison psychologist Thomas Fagan, PhD.

Meanwhile, Robert Morgan, PhD, a psychologist at Texas Tech University, explains that psychologists struggle to implement special programs for prisoners to transition back into society, alongside their regular prison caseloads.

“We're focused so much on the basic mental health services that there's not enough time or emphasis to devote to rehabilitative services.” There’s a lack of resources and too few mental health professionals in most prisons.

What’s more, there’s a fundamental tension between psychology, which is rehabilitative, and corrections, which is much more oriented toward punishment.

“Right now there's such a focus on punishment--most criminal justice or correctional systems are punitive in nature--that it's hard to develop effective rehabilitative programs,” Morgan explained.

#7

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
Client was embezzling money from his engineering firm.

Client actually had the money he had embezzled in his possession and could still return the money. He would have faced penal liability, but we could have pleaded him out to have served no more than a few months of probation. Under his circumstance, prison time was unlikely.

Client does not believe our advice. Client believes he is going to prison. Client believes his best course of action is to return to his country of birth, Iran. The United States strictly prohibits transfer of technology which can be used for nuclear programs to Iran. I explain this all to Client.

Client tries to board a flight to Iran. In his luggage is a programmable logic controller his firm had been subcontracted with the Federal government to develop. I don't know why he was taking this PLC with him, but it was there when he was pulled off the airplane in Stuttgart and taken into custody.

Client is now facing up to 20 years in federal prison for espionage and unlawful transfer of classified military technology to a hostile power.

People, listen to your lawyers.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
29points

#8

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
This is a true story. When I was an ADA, a colleague of mine had a case where a couple of guys robbed a jewelry store. The police showed up and there was chase, they all split up and all got caught, but one of them had a bit of head start. Apparently he ran into a beauty salon and started yelling that he needed to dye his hair immediately. And then the police ran in after him.
29points

#9

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
Just happened last night. I work in a college town. Around 02:30 the bars close and the parade of drunk students commences.

Kid had one traffic cone on each arm and one on his head, walking jauntily down the main drag. As soon as I pulled up next to him he started doing the robotic drunk-guy-acting-sober walk. Carefully put the cones down on the sidewalk and kept walking as though nothing had happened. Forgot about the one on his head, though.
27points

What do you think? Have you ever witnessed someone covering up their crimes, only for everything to backfire in an even worse way? If you’ve ever worked as a lawyer or in law enforcement, what are some of the worst, most bizarre criminal behaviors you’ve seen?

What do you personally believe criminals can do to make genuine amends? Is everyone capable of repenting for their crimes?

If you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and experiences, you can do so in the comments at the very bottom of this post.

#10

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
He was carrying a small butterfly knife, which is illegal. He tried to hide it *by swallowing it*. Had to lean him forwards and frantically hit him on the back to dislodge the thing as he turned blue.

It is like a $100 fine, and you lose the knife.

So he ended up in much more trouble, but in the end he got off with a larger fine and a real talking to from a judge. Bloody twit.
Report
27points

#11

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
Cop here. Truthfully, most criminals are dumb. Like real dumb. They do stupid stuff to try and escape consequences all the time and end up making it worse. I’ll give you a few examples:

What would’ve been a ticket for theft turned into multiple felonies when a girl tried to hide her ID in a shopping bag that she used to steal stuff, by stuffing it into my back seat. It was a plastic sack, they’re not quiet. She had the longest criminal history I had ever seen. She gets caught a lot.

Had a kid run from me in handcuffs after being picked up for a juvie probation warrant. He kicked out my back window, dove headfirst into the pavement before trying to jump a six foot fence. In handcuffs. He got halfway over. His shirtless half slid down the top of the fence, where I picked him up - with a bajillion splinters - and booked him for multiple felonies. If he’d just cooperated he would’ve been home by lunch time.
27points

#12

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
Was on Shore Patrol and got a call from a town 60 miles west of the base to pick up a sailor they had in custody.

Dude was 5 minutes late getting back from Cinderella Liberty (back on base by midnight) the night before. Seriously, the gate guard would probably have covered for him, but he freaked out.

Police found him in the morning bloody and locked in the trunk of his car. He claimed he was beaten and robbed. Cops saw right through his story. He had wrecked his own car, beaten himself with a tire iron, and locked himself in the trunk.

Charged with filing a false report and obstruction on the civilian side. Unauthorized Absence, damaging government property (meaning himself), etc. on the military side.
27points

#13

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
I worked 3rd shift police dispatch for a few years. One night a man with active warrants sees a cop sitting in his patrol car as he drives past him. This apparently makes him super nervous and he inexplicably thinks he needs to make a run for it, even though, in reality, the officer had not pulled out to follow him and was 100% unaware of this guy's warrants. The doofus speeds up, turns off his lights, and makes a quick turn to evade a pursuit that wasn't even happening. This catches the officer's attention, and he pulls out to follow. The guy speeds up even more and tries to trick the distantly trailing officer by cutting through a yard and driving to a street a block over. He somehow loses control (probably because he was speeding with his lights off in a yard) and crashes through the wall of a house. He instantly turned a couple of FTA warrants into much more serious charges. Best part... the house he hit was the JUDGE'S HOUSE. It's still hard to fully comprehend how hard this idiot screwed himself that evening.
27points

#14

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
I dealt with a guy once who had burned his parents garage down.

He had been drink driving, hit a cyclist and hurt them. Driving ban, fine, maybe a suspended prison sentence given he had never been in trouble before. He was only 19 years old.

But in his drunk mind he decided that Police couldn’t prove he had been drink driving if there was no car. But he had parked the car back at home in the garage.

So he set the garage on fire with a can of petrol. Destroyed the garage, the car, the side of the house, the mobile home parked on the driveway and a large proportion of his neighbours garden.... still got charged with drink driving amongst other things.
24points

#15

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
Lawyer here, not quite covering up a crime but still stupid. I had a case where the other party was trying to claim that my client had no rights to a vehicle they bought together during their marriage. To support his claim, he told the judge that he was already married in another state when he married my client, thus making their marriage invalid. So it's just his truck, not hers.

Not only is he incorrect legally, but he admitted (under oath, on the record) to committing a felony for which he was already under investigation. All for a beat-up old car. Which the judge promptly awarded to my client.
24points

#16

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
Police Officer here....just thought of another one from 3 years ago!

We get a call about a guy passing counterfit $100 dollar bills at CVS. We get there and the CVS manager says describes him as a male black wearing a blue sweater with white stripes and he last saw him running towards Stop and Shop.

So walking into Stop and shop we see a Blue sweater with white stripes sitting on the bench...the perp shed his sweater. To be honest with you the sweater was our real link to to the guy. So walking around Stop and Shop we see the one and only black dude so we start talking to him. The manager from CVS comes over for a show up and confirms its him. The guy protests saying it cant be him, he was in church, he has evidence to prove it...honestly I started to believe that it wasnt him.

So while we are walking out with him we pass the sweater on the bench and the guys asks us "please dont forget my sweater, its cold out" ............boom.
24points

#17

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
My exboyfriend started beating me in front of 4 of my friends, and after they pulled him off of me, he called the police on THEM.
22points

#18

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
Client Bruce is on trial for armed robbery of a liquor store. Bruce has a terrible prior record so cannot take the witness stand, or most of that will be revealed to the jury.

The robber was wearing a black ski mask, and it is hard to ID Bruce as the robber. However, the liquor store owner testifies that the robber had a big diamond on the pinkie finger of his right hand. Bruce has such a pinkie ring and, in full view of the jury, promptly sweeps his right hand from the top of the defense table to under it and turns to me in his chair.

Bruce is extremely agitated and tells me, "I wanna testify! That motherf--ker is lying!" Me: "What do you want to testify to, Bruce?" Bruce: "I wanna tell them he's a liar! He couldn't see my ring. I was wearing gloves!"

Bruce followed my advice but was convicted nonetheless.
21points

#19

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
Forge a hospital admission for an alibi. Pity the doctor who’s signature got used was overseas for a conference.
19points

#20

41 Lawyers And Cops Reveal The Dumbest Things People Have Done To Try To Cover Up Their Crimes
Client was accused of embezzling millions from a company. This was simply false. The company owner had been hiding it from his spouse.

The owner's lawyer called me up to extort my client and told me that if our client testified as to facts XYZ in support of his defense in the divorce, that they would appreciate it. If my client would not perjure herself, they would have her prosecuted.

I recorded the attorney and filed a transcript along with a motion with the court. The Judge brought down the hammer and he was professionally disciplined by our state licensing authority for attorneys.
19points
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