#1
We had an incident where our nmom called my sister's depression stupid and told her indirectly to kill herself. She did it in a subtle way she didn't expect my niece (who is my sister's child) to pick up on and made an off color joke about making sure she has a will and songs picked out for her services for when she commits suicide. All of this in front of her child...
My niece understood the "joke" our nmom was making about her mom and called her out on it. She told her how messed up and toxic she is. How nobody deserves to be talked to that way. Told her she doesn't want to see her again. She was so brave to call her out. I never would have had the nerve to do that as a kid! I'm actually proud of her for not tolerating her BS.
When it was time to leave, nmom tried to force my niece to hug her. It was weird because they had finished arguing a few minutes prior and nmom was trying to hug her and kiss her head like nothing happened. Weird.
My niece said "Don't touch me." without even looking up and left with my sister.
This new generation is something else. I'm so proud of her!
#2
#3
We spoke with a few experts who shared their insights on how narcissistic mothers affect their children as they grow into adulthood. According to licensed psychologist Dr. Amy Kincaid Todey, some invisible wounds include the feeling that love must be earned rather than felt.
“They grow up hyper-attuned to others’ emotions while silencing their own, carrying that imbalance into every relationship that follows,” she told Bored Panda.
#4
We were having a discussion and she was pissing me off. I was feeling courageous.
"Mom have you ever heard of gaslighting?"
"I've never gaslighted you, it's all in your head."
The irony. Somebody. The irony.
#5
#6
EMDR consultant Christy Doering, MSSW, LCSW, who specializes in depression, anxiety, grief, and family conflict, explained that daughters, in particular, tend to worry too much about what other people think of them.
“Narcissistic parents often use their kids’ accomplishments as their own, so there is immense pressure to perform or be ‘perfect.’”
#7
We are supposed to empathise that they are deep, troubled individuals but did anyone ever tell them to understand our point of view and pain? No! Why is it only abusers get all these excuses, but when you stand up for yourself no one is rushing to make excuses for you.
#8
#9
I'm spending time with my parents during lockdown.
I'm currently sitting beside my nMom who is sniffling as if she is crying, for attention.
She asked me if I wanted a cookie. I replied "no thank you". She said "just one". I politely said I was full and couldn't eat one. She then put two in my lap. I left them alone. Didn't move them.
That set her off: Why do I always refuse her kindness? Why am I ungrateful?
It just clicked that she did this to me all the time as a child and I was so scared of these kinds of reactions that I would eat everything she gave me. My nMom made me an overweight child. On purpose.
Children of narcissistic mothers may also develop apprehensions about showing their authentic selves. As licensed clinical psychologist Zita Chriszto notes, their constant fear of disapproval or abandonment leads to identity diffusion.
As a result, they constantly shape their own identity in accordance with what other people need them to be.
#10
#11
#12
I was on the phone with my brother a few weeks ago. He talked about his new job and I talked about school. Usually phone calls between my siblings and I end with a "Well, gotta go. Talk to you later" and that's it. Growing up we didn't get told I love you at all from our parents, and never got shown any physical affection. It was just normal for us to reflect that in the relationship on each other because we didn't know anything else.
So we get to the end of our phone call and I go for the classic "talk to you later" and he responds "ok, I love you". It caught me so off guard that I had trouble even processing those words before he hung up. "L-love... you too...".
These last few weeks I've tried my hardest to end all of the phone calls I have with him and my sisters with "I love you". Its such a small thing, but I can always hear the smiles on their faces in their response.
Mothers and fathers play different roles in a child’s life. But when narcissistic parenting becomes the central theme, the former tends to inflict more damaging effects.
“Narcissistic maternal influence is typically more severe. There is a powerful mother-child emotional enmeshment that isn’t typically found in father-child dynamics,” Chriszto says, adding that this is mainly because the mother is the principal emotional mirror.
The child then experiences a “vacuum” in terms of their self-worth and personal limits because they have no reflection in which to see themselves.
#13
#14
These seniors face all of their most daunting moments of the end of their life alone. They may get fleeting sympathy from senior care professionals, but it's superficial and *paid for*. No one shows up to be their POA. No one is advocating for them in the hospital. All of their household valuables are sold or donated.
These parents who were cruel / neglectful / narcissists / abusive / who abandoned their kids are usually all alone.
And I don't judge the kids. Not for a nanosecond
#15
They laughed and didn't believe me. They refused to accept that I could survive without them. Which is ironic because they didn't even provide food, clothes, or hygiene products most of the time.
Well, I didn't exactly live up to my word and saw them three times after I moved out at 17. The last time I saw them I was 18. It's been almost three years now.
Some say it's sad I could just cut my parents out of my life like that. What I think is sad is that cutting them out made such a positive impact on my life.
Life is good. I'm healing. I'm even happy.
Marriage and family therapist Lexi Michaud shared a similar explanation, stating that mothers are a child’s first relational connection and experiences from birth. Simply put, they are our first and most formative relationship, preceding all others.
For those reasons alone, Michaud says the rejection, pain, shame, and fear from a narcissistic mother are more impactful.
#16
#17
My wife is a heck of a strong lady. She doesn't break down. We were having a date night at our favorite pizza place and we were talking about how things had been going. She's been making a ton of progress since we got together years ago and I only said one thing and it put her in tears:
"I'm so proud of you."
It wasn't until later that I thought about it and realized that probably not many people had said that to her before, if any. She's doing so well, and I am so very proud of her.
#18
Healing from a narcissistic mother can be a long road for many people. Some may not even know how to begin. According to Chriszto, allowing yourself to grieve the mother you needed but didn’t get is a good place to start.
“Healing from narcissistic toxicity in part means disconnecting from the internalized voice of the narcissist and, in its place, finding your utterance,” she said, advising imagining yourself with a lifetime of self-compassion as your foundation.
#19
#20
