#1
Good luck separating and finding a place to live, keep a car on the road and if there are kids in the picture, working out what that looks like.
We live in a fakely emancipated world.
#2
#3
If falling in love is free, getting out of it costs your couch, your car, and half your sanity. Between legal fees, splitting assets, and potentially needing two of everything, many people simply can’t afford to leave a bad marriage. Especially when kids are involved and the thought of pushing your family into poverty becomes a very unromantic reality.
As the pros explain, financial concerns are one of the top reasons unhappy couples stay together. And most of the Redditors who answered this post feel the same way. Money may not buy happiness, but apparently, it can lease misery in a two-bedroom apartment with shared custody.
#4
He’s also a hoarder and I let myself fall into those habits and the house is a disaster. I’m working to clean out the worst of the mess (at least the parts I can have some say in) and cut back on my personal belongings, so I can assess the state of the house and have it possibly be sellable. (I owned it before we got married.)
It feels like every time I get to some place I can start doing things, something knocks me back down. (e.g. me getting cancer, my mental health, him losing four jobs in two years and being home all the time, etc.) Sometimes it all seems incredibly overwhelming and I get frozen trying to start. I don’t really have a support network - my family is small and far away, and I don’t have any friends close enough to ask for the help I need. I have a good therapist though.
Ouch. I haven’t said any of this out loud in so long that I’m crying now and I haven’t been able to cry for a while. I’m so miserable and just feel so stuck.
#5
My mother has told me verbatim: “I’m scared I’ll be alone, and never find happiness without him.” Note that she has never lived alone, and has always had a partner in her adult life. I’m much the same… Generational trauma? Except I don’t hate my partner.
My father is just… Not interested in change. He’s simply content to just be. To live in malcontent. He goes to work, he goes home, and in between they might talk. They tried counseling once, when I was very very young.
Mom describes her relationship with him as having a roommate she’s married to. She’s too scared of being alone to leave. No amount of children or dogs or career changes have made their relationship ‘work’ beyond being an (faulty) outlet for each other. Their ‘love’ is only what they share love for: the children, the pets, the people around them… but not each other.
She has asked me before if she thinks they still love each other and I’m always honest. I say I think they have a deep bond, made with years of parenting and living together; but I don’t feel any love between them.
They’re in a trap of their own making.
#6
Listen, I get it. You don’t want your kids to grow up splitting holidays, feeling like a ping-pong ball of guilt and parental disappointment. But here’s the thing: kids know.
They can feel the tension, even if no one’s yelling. Staying together solely for the kids can sometimes do more harm than good.
But why do those without financial concerns or kids stay with a spouse they dislike? Well, some people just can’t be alone. Not because they’re clingy or needy, but because they’ve never had to.
One Redditor shared how their mom had never lived alone a single day in her adult life, and the fear of doing so was more terrifying than living with someone she didn’t love.
#7
#8
I wouldn't say I hate my wife, but the dynamic has changed so much over our lives that she is unrecognizable from the person I fell in love with. She's retreated so much from the world and the home, that it's almost impossible to actually be her partner. Like, works, gets home, plays on her phone.
I'm not being hyperbolic when I say I do 90% of the cooking, cleaning, childcare, and home maintenence. This leads to a lot of stress and resentment on my end, but as much as she says she'll do better and help out, she doesn't. It gets better for a week and then back to the habits.
Why don't we divorce? Because I love her, and I love my family. I know she used to be better, and I guess I'm just hoping that one of these days we'll have a heart to heart and it'll stick? That the better for a week becomes just....better. But the heart to hearts just end up with me being angry anymore, because I know that it's just gonna go back to how it was in a week. An apology works once or twice, but 10 times? 20 times? A lifetime of apologies and then still not feeling heard or helped? I dunno. Guess I'm still just hopin.
#9
Between his illnesses and the meds he takes, he's extremely quick to anger, never satisfied with anything, critical, and verbally a*****e. When you take your vows for "in sickness and in health," you don't envision something this awful and extended. It's been three years so far.
I do everything at home and work. I make enough to pay for everything, not enough to afford help, and too much for any assistance. We have no family that can help. I won't ask my friends. I'm only 43. He didn't do this to himself voluntarily. I won't leave. I hate the misery my life has become. I try not to feel negatively towards him, but can't help it anymore.
To better understand why so many people stay in marriages they say they’re unhappy in, and how that affects their emotional well-being, Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Jane Greer, a marriage and family therapist and author of the book “Am I Lying to Myself?: How To Overcome Denial and See the Truth.”
She told us that “Some couples remain in difficult relationships because of financial constraints—they simply can't afford to separate or divorce. Others stay because children are involved, and they want to preserve a sense of family and stability.” But beyond that, there’s also a powerful mix of denial and hope, as many believe things will change or that their partner will come around.
However, staying in a marriage that no longer brings joy or emotional safety doesn’t come without a cost. Greer shared that chronic dissatisfaction in a relationship can lead to serious mental and emotional fallout—frequent arguments, suppressed anger, emotional burnout, and even physical symptoms like headaches or digestive issues.
#10
#11
#12
We asked Dr. Greer whether staying together for the kids is ever a healthy choice. While many assume it’s always harmful, Greer said that’s not necessarily true. In some cases, particularly when children are still very young, staying together temporarily might feel like the best decision. Parents may choose to wait until the children are more emotionally mature before making a difficult transition.
Of course, not every decision to stay is about kids. Greer explained that the fear of being alone—fear of rejection, of never finding love again—can be a powerful motivator. She noted that many people begin to emotionally check out without realizing it—lashing out, feeling constantly drained, or walking through their days filled with quiet resentment.
#13
We did 6+ months of couples therapy before I finally said I've had enough and asked for a divorce. Now everyone on Earth is questioning the decision, and my wife is acting like I blindsided her when I was upfront about this possibility multiple times throughout our therapy.
Divorce is hard. It's painful enough that I can see why people would stick to the known discomfort of their marriage rather than going through with it.
#14
#15
For those who feel trapped but aren’t quite ready to leave, Greer recommends a method she calls “stepping back without stepping out.” It’s about reclaiming personal space and independence within the relationship—setting boundaries, making decisions for yourself, and reducing the effort you spend trying to “fix” things. It’s a way to rebuild your emotional strength while still deciding your next move.
Finally, we asked Dr. Greer how someone can know it’s time to end their marriage. She explained that people usually just know when it’s time to let go. “When you no longer believe things will improve, and when the emotional connection has been replaced by resentment, detachment, or emotional exhaustion.”
#16
The country my parents were from, it is just something you didn't do. My uncle ended up getting divorced and his father disowned him for it
My parents also really should have divorced** but never did, even after telling them that I wouldn't judge them if they did since no one was happy lol
Edit: fixed the typo 'survived' into 'divorced'.
#17
But not all is doomed and not every unhappy marriage is meant to end, or to stay miserable. The ability to repair conflict, not avoid it, is what keeps marriages strong.
So, should you stay or should you go? Well, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Divorce isn’t a failure, and staying in a bad marriage isn’t noble by default.
But if you're stuck in the in-between, where “I hate them” is just code for “I’m deeply unhappy,” it might be time to ask yourself if you’re staying out of fear, habit, or because deep down, you still believe there’s something worth saving.
#19
From his perspective, I can't figure out why he stayed with me at all because he obviously hated me and he never even loved me in the first place. But I provided a lot of added value to his life so that was probably nice.
#20
If I have to endure that to see my kids everyday I will. That might be selfish of me, but they really are just the absolute coolest things I've ever experienced and it kills me to imagine missing any more of them than work already takes away.