According to a recent survey, 78% of Americans who have used a dating app in the past year feel tired of it at least sometimes. Interestingly, women (80%) are more likely to experience this burnout than men (74%).
So, we decided to take a look at the subreddit r/OnlineDating, a place where singles come to share their experiences and the things they've learned along the way. As the saying goes, smart people learn from their own mistakes, and wise people learn from the mistakes of others.
#1
If you are in a dark place mentally, please get off online dating.
I’m in tears as I type this. A good friend of mine just took his life and in the note he left behind he mentioned how he struggled to find someone and many other things.
I remember him also complaining about ghosting and all the toxic stuff we all deal with it.
To anyone struggling, please delete all dating apps because they are very bad for your mental health and might make things worse.
I’m sorry I just wanted to vent, I’m heartbroken. This has really gone too far.
I’m in tears as I type this. A good friend of mine just took his life and in the note he left behind he mentioned how he struggled to find someone and many other things.
I remember him also complaining about ghosting and all the toxic stuff we all deal with it.
To anyone struggling, please delete all dating apps because they are very bad for your mental health and might make things worse.
I’m sorry I just wanted to vent, I’m heartbroken. This has really gone too far.
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19points
#2
Just a reminder that it is not your job to entertain the other person. Find someone who matches your energy. There's no reason to put in more effort than the other person.
I had to remind myself of this today, and I felt like someone else could benefit from the reminder too.
When we're attracted to someone or like certain things about them, we often give it our all. We put our best foot forward. Find someone else who matches that same energy and effort. If you're always the one initiating texts, always the one asking questions, etc., they're not worth your time.
I had to remind myself of this today, and I felt like someone else could benefit from the reminder too.
When we're attracted to someone or like certain things about them, we often give it our all. We put our best foot forward. Find someone else who matches that same energy and effort. If you're always the one initiating texts, always the one asking questions, etc., they're not worth your time.
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15points
#3
Height requirements
I’m 6’2” I have swiped on several women with the height requirement in their bio. My favorite so far has been one bio that said “no pocket men” I can tell you that every single one of them has been dry or mean with no personality or real interests. Having a preference is fine but no need to be rude about it. Now if I see the height requirement in a bio it’s an automatic swipe left. Y’all are not missing a single thing with these women. I stand in solidarity with the short kings.
I’m 6’2” I have swiped on several women with the height requirement in their bio. My favorite so far has been one bio that said “no pocket men” I can tell you that every single one of them has been dry or mean with no personality or real interests. Having a preference is fine but no need to be rude about it. Now if I see the height requirement in a bio it’s an automatic swipe left. Y’all are not missing a single thing with these women. I stand in solidarity with the short kings.
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14points
The need for clarity in the dating world is obvious. Most single men and women between the ages of 18 and 34 (53% and 68%, respectively) say they want a romantic relationship, according to a 2024 study commissioned by Tinder, which surveyed 8,000 heterosexual participants in the U.S., U.K., Australia and Canada.
However, nearly all respondents—including 91% of men and 94% of women—say they think the current dating environment is more difficult than ever.
"The general state of the world is sensed as less predictable and less secure [than in the past]," says Kathryn Ford, M.D., a psychiatrist and couples therapist based in San Francisco and author of The Aperture Effect: A Radically Simple Approach to Finding Joy and Connection in Your Relationship.
#4
Please don’t ghost someone…
When you ghost someone after meeting them in real life, it could really break their heart. It doesn’t matter if it was just one, a few, or several dates. Please just tell them it’s not working if they’ve been trying to reach out to you. Don’t just ignore or give them the silent treatment. They’re humans too. I know some will say you don’t owe anyone anything but at least be a decent person and tell them once and then let them move on. Please.
When you ghost someone after meeting them in real life, it could really break their heart. It doesn’t matter if it was just one, a few, or several dates. Please just tell them it’s not working if they’ve been trying to reach out to you. Don’t just ignore or give them the silent treatment. They’re humans too. I know some will say you don’t owe anyone anything but at least be a decent person and tell them once and then let them move on. Please.
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13points
#5
“I deleted my profile for you”
A little PSA:
I’m a 28 year old woman and every now and again, I’ll get a man who tells me they deleted their dating profile for me BEFORE we even meet in person.
This is not cute. This is not endearing.
It’s suffocating.
We aren’t exclusive. We haven’t even met.
DO. NOT. DO. THIS.
A little PSA:
I’m a 28 year old woman and every now and again, I’ll get a man who tells me they deleted their dating profile for me BEFORE we even meet in person.
This is not cute. This is not endearing.
It’s suffocating.
We aren’t exclusive. We haven’t even met.
DO. NOT. DO. THIS.
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12points
#6
Don't play stupid games like waiting 3 days to ask her out again or purposely not responding to her text messages trying to look kool. If you're interested, it's okay to be interested.
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12points
A recent YouGov survey also reaffirmed how much frustration people associate with modern dating. One in three (33%) of its respondents believes that dating websites and apps have destroyed romance.
Almost two-thirds (64%) of the general public, including a majority (57%) of dating website/app users, say they would prefer to meet their romantic interests without using these platforms.
Roughly four in ten (39%) and 42% of users believe dating websites/apps are for those who can't meet romantic partners offline.
#7
Don't lie about anything important and answer questions honestly. Relationships are built on trust. Being in between jobs and living at home with parents may be unattractive to some women, but lying about it will definitely make you unattractive to all women. No one wants to kiss someone they don't trust.
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11points
#8
My best advice: Please stop posting pictures of your kids on dating apps.
I don't know when or why this started, but it's really disturbing. Please stop posing pictures of your children on random dating apps. I'm not going to choose to date you because of what your kids look like. They are too young to have a choice in the matter. and I guarantee you that when they get older they will be horrified to know their mother posted pictures of them for all the crazy eyes to see.
I don't know when or why this started, but it's really disturbing. Please stop posing pictures of your children on random dating apps. I'm not going to choose to date you because of what your kids look like. They are too young to have a choice in the matter. and I guarantee you that when they get older they will be horrified to know their mother posted pictures of them for all the crazy eyes to see.
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11points
#9
Please stop uploading photos with those stupid animal face filters. You look ridiculous.
I’m sure this has been discussed before, but nothing makes me swipe left faster than a grown woman posting a picture on a dating app with that dog filter or bear filter. Especially if it’s the first picture on your profile.
To me it suggests that you are insecure about your appearance or feel the need to cover something up on your face.
Does this actually work on anyone? Why is this such a huge trend?
I’m sure this has been discussed before, but nothing makes me swipe left faster than a grown woman posting a picture on a dating app with that dog filter or bear filter. Especially if it’s the first picture on your profile.
To me it suggests that you are insecure about your appearance or feel the need to cover something up on your face.
Does this actually work on anyone? Why is this such a huge trend?
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9points
#10
Men, please don’t hide your geeky side.
I joined Hinge recently (F-mid30s). I have noticed some men completely hide some of their geeky/traditionally “nerdy” hobbies and interests and it only comes up in conversation after they message me.
I’m looking for something serious and my ideal person is someone I can casually play Nintendo games with, or go watch a Ghibli Fest show together. I actually look for these things when scanning profiles!
Even if you don’t expect to have these hobbies in common with your person, why wouldn’t you at least mention it in your hobbies/typical Sunday prompt if it is in fact a hobby of yours?
I joined Hinge recently (F-mid30s). I have noticed some men completely hide some of their geeky/traditionally “nerdy” hobbies and interests and it only comes up in conversation after they message me.
I’m looking for something serious and my ideal person is someone I can casually play Nintendo games with, or go watch a Ghibli Fest show together. I actually look for these things when scanning profiles!
Even if you don’t expect to have these hobbies in common with your person, why wouldn’t you at least mention it in your hobbies/typical Sunday prompt if it is in fact a hobby of yours?
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9points
#11
Be who you want to be, no matter what you personally believe it will cost
You deserve to find someone as quirky and dorky as you are, you massive nerd. Someone who’s okay with you knitting in your recliner while pizza rolls are cooking in the air fryer. Always be YOU at all costs.
You deserve to find someone as quirky and dorky as you are, you massive nerd. Someone who’s okay with you knitting in your recliner while pizza rolls are cooking in the air fryer. Always be YOU at all costs.
9points
#12
Don't be afraid to be extremely selective. Avoid the burnout.
And I mean extremely selective. I think we've all been there. We really, really want to be in a relationship. We're desperately swiping or liking people's profiles that we might even realize later we're not that attracted to. Some of that may be because we're afraid that we might miss out on "the one" who for some reason may have a terrible profile.
This desperate mood is going to cause a rapid burnout and just frustrate you even more. Take a step back. Maybe don't use the app for a few days, a few weeks. When you get back to it, don't spend hours swiping. Train yourself to casually browse. Do you get the feeling that the person whose profile you're looking at is looking for a serious relationship? Do they seem to have the same interests? If you "like" or swipe on them simply because they're cute, you might end up with a fairly large backlog of matches that never amount to anything. I found myself talking to 5 different girls, and four of then I didn't have much in common with.
So I started avoiding profiles with "generic" responses like "I want someone who can make me laugh" (like wtf?), profiles where the person didn't have one picture of them smiling, profiles where there were only selfies or pictures that didn't show them doing any activity. I got really, really picky, and 99% of the time, I ended up X-ing (I use hinge) the profile even if I thought they were really cute. Sure, I got a lot less matches. But in 5 people that I match with, 3 of them (on average) turn out to lead to actual , sustained conversations, whereas before, I had 15 matches, 3 actual conversations, 4 conversations that were a waste of time from the beginning and that quickly faded out, and the rest I never even ended up talking to because I didn't want to spend my life messaging everyone.
Being picky saves you so much time and your success rate in getting into an actual serious conversation will be a lot higher and save you a lot of frustration.
And I mean extremely selective. I think we've all been there. We really, really want to be in a relationship. We're desperately swiping or liking people's profiles that we might even realize later we're not that attracted to. Some of that may be because we're afraid that we might miss out on "the one" who for some reason may have a terrible profile.
This desperate mood is going to cause a rapid burnout and just frustrate you even more. Take a step back. Maybe don't use the app for a few days, a few weeks. When you get back to it, don't spend hours swiping. Train yourself to casually browse. Do you get the feeling that the person whose profile you're looking at is looking for a serious relationship? Do they seem to have the same interests? If you "like" or swipe on them simply because they're cute, you might end up with a fairly large backlog of matches that never amount to anything. I found myself talking to 5 different girls, and four of then I didn't have much in common with.
So I started avoiding profiles with "generic" responses like "I want someone who can make me laugh" (like wtf?), profiles where the person didn't have one picture of them smiling, profiles where there were only selfies or pictures that didn't show them doing any activity. I got really, really picky, and 99% of the time, I ended up X-ing (I use hinge) the profile even if I thought they were really cute. Sure, I got a lot less matches. But in 5 people that I match with, 3 of them (on average) turn out to lead to actual , sustained conversations, whereas before, I had 15 matches, 3 actual conversations, 4 conversations that were a waste of time from the beginning and that quickly faded out, and the rest I never even ended up talking to because I didn't want to spend my life messaging everyone.
Being picky saves you so much time and your success rate in getting into an actual serious conversation will be a lot higher and save you a lot of frustration.
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9points
#13
I hate people who match and message you then unmatch or ghost you before you can reply. Some of us have jobs that require hours without using our phones, and some of us have notifications turned off for these godforsaken apps. Last week I was out with friends having a drink for my birthday when I saw that I matched with someone who sent me a long and enthusiastic message, but I'm not the type to use my phone when I'm around friends, so I waited until I was home before attempting to reply only to find that she was gone. What kind of a half baked strategy is this?
8points
#14
Putting pics of yourself as a child on your profile is weird. Stop it.
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8points
#15
Your profile should not be a hate letter to your ex.
I’ve seen way too many people write paragraphs about their broken heart, “opinions” about other people’s intentions on dating apps, what they aren’t looking for, etc. I don’t think this really attracts anyone.
I suggest instead to say what you ARE looking for. Remember that not every single person is looking for exactly what you are, and that is okay. Show case the wonderful person you are with your interests & hobbies. And most importantly, seriously consider if you’re even ready to date. If you’re not over your ex or can’t respect that someone else on dating apps may not have the same intentions as you, that’s a huge red flag.
I’ve seen way too many people write paragraphs about their broken heart, “opinions” about other people’s intentions on dating apps, what they aren’t looking for, etc. I don’t think this really attracts anyone.
I suggest instead to say what you ARE looking for. Remember that not every single person is looking for exactly what you are, and that is okay. Show case the wonderful person you are with your interests & hobbies. And most importantly, seriously consider if you’re even ready to date. If you’re not over your ex or can’t respect that someone else on dating apps may not have the same intentions as you, that’s a huge red flag.
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8points
#16
I hate when all their photos are the same group of three girls and I have no idea who's profile it is - this is surprisingly common.
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7points
#17
Lying about not having kids. Lying about being single. I once stalked a woman on social media because she was being really shifty and I saw she had gotten married just a few months before. Or the worst yet was this Christian (that was the first red flag) who turned out to be pregnant when I met up with her.
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7points
#18
Have a good first date spot that you know very well. This allows you to lead the way. I know where to park, what to recommend and different places nearby we can relocate to if the date is going well.
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7points
#19
If someone unmatches you on one site and you see them on another site don't message them asking why they unmatched you its creepy.
A friend of mine matched with a guy on a swipe app and when they started talking about 10min into the convo she decided it wasn't going anywhere so she unmatched with him. about a minute later she gets a message from another dating site saying she has a message from a guy. When she goes to check the message its the guy she unmatched on the swipe app. That really creeped her out and she blocked him and deleted his message.
This goes for guys and girls I know it sucks when someone you are talking to unmatches you, but it is super creepy to hunt them down on another dating site just so you can message them asking them why they unmatched you. It makes you look like a stalker don't do it.
A friend of mine matched with a guy on a swipe app and when they started talking about 10min into the convo she decided it wasn't going anywhere so she unmatched with him. about a minute later she gets a message from another dating site saying she has a message from a guy. When she goes to check the message its the guy she unmatched on the swipe app. That really creeped her out and she blocked him and deleted his message.
This goes for guys and girls I know it sucks when someone you are talking to unmatches you, but it is super creepy to hunt them down on another dating site just so you can message them asking them why they unmatched you. It makes you look like a stalker don't do it.
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7points
