Odd eating habits or little OCD quirks are one thing, but lying about childhood traumas or hiding a nanny camera in the bedroom to spy on your partner could be dealbreakers.
A Reddit user recently asked: “What is the most disturbing thing you found about your partner?” and people did not hold back.
Studies have shown that keeping secrets in a relationship can weigh on your well-being, and they often have a way of coming out even when we don't want them to.
Below are some of the responses Reddit users shared, each highlighting a different experience or situation.
#1
My ex and I connected over very severe and alarmingly similar childhood trauma experiences. almost a year into our relationship, he revealed (extremely casually, like it was no big deal) that he’d made it up. He’d heard about my past from a former mutual friend, and felt it’d be easier to get to know if we had this in common. He genuinely didn’t see an issue with doing this.
He then proceeded to ask, “since it bothered me”, if I wanted to know everything else he’d made up, too.
turned out, about 75% of what I knew about him was fake. weird funny stories and experiences, childhood memories, things that had allegedly happened to him at work - he was just making things up. When I asked him why, he reiterated that he didn’t see it as a big deal, and then explained he felt I “needed to be humbled a bit” because “my life wasn’t *that* interesting”, so he’d made up things to “match” my stories/experiences.
He then proceeded to ask, “since it bothered me”, if I wanted to know everything else he’d made up, too.
turned out, about 75% of what I knew about him was fake. weird funny stories and experiences, childhood memories, things that had allegedly happened to him at work - he was just making things up. When I asked him why, he reiterated that he didn’t see it as a big deal, and then explained he felt I “needed to be humbled a bit” because “my life wasn’t *that* interesting”, so he’d made up things to “match” my stories/experiences.
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46points
#2
He put a nanny cam in our bedroom so he could spy on my therapy sessions during covid. He made a big show out of putting on headphones in the other room because he knew he could just listen in later.
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40points
#3
That she is still in love with her ex girlfriend and has been having an affair with her since before we even got married. But didn’t tell me that it was her ex girlfriend for real until this year and everybody on her side played along with it as they were only “best friends” which in turn had this girl pretending to be MY friend and my “wife” allowed it for 5 years.
Don’t worry I’m leaving lol.
Don’t worry I’m leaving lol.
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37points
#4
My ex wife spent the last decade of our marriage accusing me of having multiple affairs and/or being gay. I've since found out that during that decade she had 2 boyfriends and a girlfriend (not at the same time) so turns out it was all projection.
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35points
#5
He had such a history of using his mother and his sister, while also regarding them with scathing contempt. Both of them were flawed and selfish, but loved him deeply and unconditionally.
When he casually remarked that his forty-year-old sister (who, incidentally, was gorgeous then and still is) was a "fat old woman covered in tattoos, and she needs to start being realistic about how she wants to be treated by a man," that was when I knew our days together were numbered and that I would never be able to un-see what that said about his regard for women.
When he casually remarked that his forty-year-old sister (who, incidentally, was gorgeous then and still is) was a "fat old woman covered in tattoos, and she needs to start being realistic about how she wants to be treated by a man," that was when I knew our days together were numbered and that I would never be able to un-see what that said about his regard for women.
33points
Mental health is now part of everyday conversation, and many countries are facing what’s being called a growing “loneliness epidemic.” But one surprising cause, according to new research from Columbia Business School’s Michael Slepian, might be something as simple as keeping a secret. And with it, often comes isolation, shame and anxiety, according to the professor.
#6
I found out a few days ago that my wife has been texting inappropriately with her boss, kissy emojis, going out for drinks and sushi, calling it date night. Still trying to understand the full scope of it and how to proceed.
32points
#7
They bite their fork when they eat. My soul leaves my body every time.
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30points
#9
When he orders wings he eats the whole thing….bones and all. The plate is sent back empty.
I think the first time he did it to get a reaction out of me but it’s been 4 years and he’s still crunching away. .
I think the first time he did it to get a reaction out of me but it’s been 4 years and he’s still crunching away. .
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28points
#10
He handled the finances. He died. I found $36,000 in gambling debt.
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26points
#11
Nothing truly scary, just their obsession with organizing the fridge by color. It’s disturbing… but also kind of impressive.
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25points
#12
His relationship with his mom. First when we moved in, big drama that she doesn’t get enough attention. Then constant messages good morning and good night. Then visits every week for coffee, tea, goes to her for lunch etc. I’m living with a man and i’m loosing respect for him. I see him as a mamas boy now and having hard time imagining our future together, and it’s breaking my heart.
I fell in love hard, for the first time in my life. And i’m broken that i’m starting to see him differently.
I fell in love hard, for the first time in my life. And i’m broken that i’m starting to see him differently.
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24points
#13
The most disturbing thing I found about a partner once was how they handled conflict, they’d go completely silent for days instead of talking things out. It wasn’t dramatic or explosive, just unsettling.
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22points
#14
Doesn't like nature. At all. It took me a while to accept this one. I had assumed that intentionally being in nature would be a source of spirituality, awe, and peace for everyone. My partner is not one of those people and only experiences extended time in nature as an annoying and inconvenient experience. But they find sources of awe and wonder and spirituality from other things such as art, music, literature, etc. We're all just different.
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21points
#15
My ex told me he was the victim of a lot of terrible trauma. It was how I explained away a lot of his bad behavior to myself.
He made up a lot of it! If not all of it. I can't know for sure if it's all made up, but the fact that at least a good chunk of it was made up doesn't fill me with hope.
I think he was very afraid of rejection and would twist the truth in horrible ways trying to make it impossible for me to leave. It makes me sad to think about, honestly. Must be harrowing to live in his brain. But good god am I relieved not to be around him anymore .
He made up a lot of it! If not all of it. I can't know for sure if it's all made up, but the fact that at least a good chunk of it was made up doesn't fill me with hope.
I think he was very afraid of rejection and would twist the truth in horrible ways trying to make it impossible for me to leave. It makes me sad to think about, honestly. Must be harrowing to live in his brain. But good god am I relieved not to be around him anymore .
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20points
While there are white lies or private thoughts we keep to protect ourselves, for some people holding back might also be a way to maintain a sense of independence or personal space within a relationship. And sometimes, keeping a secret simply feels safer than risking judgment or conflict. Some experts say that as long as we are clear about why we keep a secret, we can avoid obsessing over it.
#18
She likes feet gloves or whatever they’re called. Just seeing her wear them, wiggling her gloved toes, gives me anxiety.
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17points
#19
She hung a Live Laugh Love thing on the wall.
I don't understand how someone who is otherwise 100% awesome does that. Disturbing for sure.
I don't understand how someone who is otherwise 100% awesome does that. Disturbing for sure.
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17points
#20
He keeps all his socks in a single giant drawer with zero pairs matched. just a chaotic ocean of fabric. disturbing? a little. fascinating? also yes.
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15points