People Didn’t Realize They Were In A Cult Until These 40 Moments

Two moments for me: when my a****r lied to my face about something I knew happened and when I was talking to a therapist later.
The first moment made me realize my reality was a lie and had been orchestrated by my a****r. Even though I didn't have the language (yet) to understand the depth of what I went through, I knew it was bad.
When I was talking about my experiences with a therapist, she was the one to suggest I look into cult survivor stories because she believed I had been in one.
My middle school and high school friend group was structured like a cult, and fulfills enough of the characteristics to be classified as one. Not all cults are ooks and spooks, and some a****rs start incredibly young.

When my partner and I got married and went through the Mormon Temple for the first time.

Did I question it growing up, hell yeah. Spiritual polygamy really f****d me up. But sitting in what was to be the holiest place, the highest achievement and watching people do things like secret handshakes, chants and weird touching. It cracked my shelf.

Most people don't leave a cult until the cult wrongs them or someone they love.

In my case they were very cruel to a friend of mine, so i was out.

When the main pastor died and his son-in-law took over. He was not a pastor. He was a business man. It later came out he was very crooked. He’d already been in prison, that all the adults in the church claimed was a setup by the govt. he used the church to set up more MLM s**t selling everything from vitamins to green tea to his s****y photography. My brother and I pretty much stopped being a part of it after college but we couldn’t convince our parents to leave. 

Even after the head of the church was found dead under really strange circumstances, and his kids went to prison (one went into hiding) they stayed as their whole social life was other members. 

As much as I tried my mom just said they will face judgement before god and continued to do her mission work till her last dying day. It really makes me sad that my parents were very smart people and yet really dumb and sacrificed their entire lives for these crooks. .

When, in a public sermon, one of the leaders rhetorically asked those leaving where they would go and what they would do with their lives if they didn't have the true church in it. It made me realize how much of my life had been shaped around serving an organization that only cared about keeping me there so I could continue giving it money. That and my recent discovery of some unsettling history the leadership had kept very quiet about. Where did I go and what did I do after leaving? Whatever I wanted to.

"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average."

As this was being read, I looked around the room at all of the stone faces. That's when I realized just how absurd it was.

When I went through the Mormon temple ceremony and they started chanting in a circle 🙃 the temple clothes are also super culty.

I was in a political cult for several years. The first crack appeared when I read about struggle sessions during the Cultural Revolution in China--it reminded me a lot of how the organization trained people to confront and tear down people with beliefs that diverged from the group's political values. Of course, the group I was in didn't use the physical violence/hair shaving, etc. that Maoist struggle sessions did, but all the vitriol, prepared agitation, and intentional humiliation was there. 

 Then I moved a few states over for work, and didn't really think about it for a while. A few years later, a friend posted about their bad experiences on the group on Facebook, and shortly after I learned about the BITE model from a deconstruction podcast.  The organization I had been a part of checked every box. That was when the floodgates really opened. .

I watched a TED talk from a woman who was raised in a cult in New Zealand. Her grandfather had founded it and it had very amish-esque principles, which differs from my own experience, but the line that stood out to me was when she was playing soccer with her peers and a boy, her friend, (class clown, often making jokes) made a joke the coach didn’t like so he beat him in front of everyone. While it happened, frozen and unable to help, she kept thinking “how is this love? How can this be godly love?” That phrase directly mirrored a “teaching” i’d been told all my life, even through abuse from my family. In my ex cult they liked to profess that every person was inspired by god and directed by him, and they prayed to receive “guidance”. But that abuse wasn’t love. Love wouldn’t hurt you like that.

Anyways, that was the moment it clicked. I researched cults and control tactics and the BITE model after that, and quickly fell into disillusionment with the religion. I’ve been out for five years now and I haven’t looked back.

When they told me thinking for myself was “prideful.

When everything anyone outside of the group believed was "demonic".

Weirdly enough, the founder of my old cult (The Family International, formerly known as The Children of God) didn't shy away from the cult label. At least not internally.

So I guess I realized it when I was a kid, and I read something he wrote along the lines of, "Yes we're a cult. All religions are cults. Ours is just better."

The man was insane, and did a lot of f****d up things, but I kind of respect that candor, even now.

I was raised Unitarian Universalist, which isn't actually a cult but a lot of fundamentalists call it one anyway.   I remember learning that and just laughing because it was such a stupid idea. .

I was a yoga teacher. I really really tried to be in the cult. I wanted to believe in god. I wanted to have people that would have my back. I wanted to be connected. I just couldn’t do it, it made me cringe and most yoga teachers are f*****g two faced a******s. People would just repeat things they heard with no thought as to the truthfulness to it. It makes me sad. I’m out.

The idea of cult though is interesting in the yoga world because it can be a spiritual cult, or it can be a Lululemon wearing rich white lady cult where everyone looks the same, acts the same, and your identity is wrapped up in how you look and your physical prowess. A lot of times men end up and the top of the power structure in yoga studios/ideologies, and then it’s a s*x cult. There’s a lot to unpack here.

I just wanted to be in touch with myself and the world and it was an avalanche of nonsense.

After visiting their headquarters and being given a guided tour, that was just one closed door after another, and then being given the cold shoulder for not wanting to take a picture with the rest of the tour group (all strangers) then seeing some of the leaders of the organization lie under oath in court about child a***e.

The low level teachers who new members interact with were sweet old hippies who genuinely wanted to teach meditation and help people. The first time I met the higher ups (who got all the money) I immediately pegged them as users and narcissists.


Edit: One of you nailed it. I guess this experience is common with leaders of cults, other religions, politics, business...

I backed away slowly because I learned things that made me question what I had been taught as fact, but maintained relationships with close friends and saw them outside of the community for a year or two. It wasn’t a religion but there’s a spiritual component to it so I wanted to be respectful of others’ beliefs though I knew it wasn’t for me anymore. This is something that isn’t frequently or unilaterally considered a cult (though many former members call it that) - but the behavior of certain groups of people in specific areas absolutely align with cult characteristics, and that culture had overtaken my particular community.

I thought I had enough in common with friends outside of this one thing that we could still connect. One person - a highly educated person who otherwise has strong critical thinking skills - asked with curiosity where I was coming from. After confirming that she actually wanted to hear because she probably wouldn’t like my response, I calmly and respectfully laid out all the things I know to be true that are in direct conflict with archaic and harmful dogma within this community. I reiterated that no longer participating is what I feel is right for me, but I’m not saying anyone else needs to do the same

This woman flipped her absolute s**t. She screeched loudly in a public space and got angry and defensive, calling me crazy and saying other disrespectful things. I’m sad for her, but too old and tired to deprogram anyone unwilling to consider reality, so got my stuff and walked away. I miss some of my friends but I don’t miss that community even the smallest bit.

When they made us write down our fears about would make us act them out in the back forty. Don’t like being alone? You’re going to be left alone in a pit. Feel weak? Wonderful you need to do the obstacle course during hurricane Katrina. Kids were coming back with swamp feet.

That’s when I made the plan to leave. Someone in leadership found out. They told me I’d go to hell if I left. They also told me when my mom got there I was to rip up the plane ticket and refuse to go with her. That was fun. Thanks Honor Academy.

When my friend looked up my church on the internet, then sent me an article about how my church kidnapped and m******d people in its originating country.

I told mom that I was SHing - she told me to pray about it because it was the devil working in me. And no, I didn't need therapy. I realized at that moment as a 14yo that God was more important to my mom than my wellbeing, and that's not normal.