Nobody treats everyone the same. The people in our lives occupy different places in our hearts—coworkers, friends, partners, and family members all have their own history and levels of trust.
Still, just because you’re related to someone or have known them for years doesn’t automatically mean they’re a good person.
To remind you to keep your guard up, we present a thread we found on Reddit where users have been sharing the moments they realized the people closest to them weren’t who they thought they were. And once they saw it, they couldn’t unsee it.
#1
After not drinking for over a year, my husband said "Just have one drink, I won't tell anybody." I did not drink but it was a defining moment.
He is a narcissist and he was afraid of the clarity sobriety gave me. I was easy to manipulate when I was drinking. We're getting divorced. I still don't drink.
He is a narcissist and he was afraid of the clarity sobriety gave me. I was easy to manipulate when I was drinking. We're getting divorced. I still don't drink.
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62points
#2
My boyfriend kept complaining about my dog. First it was small things but it gradually escalated. One day, my boyfriend suggested we go to the beach and insisted I bring my dog with. I wanted to leave doggie at home as my boyfriend had just bought a new truck and didn’t want any complaints about how my dog is dirtying his new car.
It was the worst beach trip of my life. He kept complaining about my dog the entire time and on the way back it dawned on me that this grown man was jealous of a small Boston terrier. Moments after that realisation, he told me to get rid of my dog or else.
I said ok. I got rid of my boyfriend, got a second dog and bought a home. My two dogs and I are very happy in our new home where we get to play in a big yard, swim and sleep in an enormous bed. Life is good.
It was the worst beach trip of my life. He kept complaining about my dog the entire time and on the way back it dawned on me that this grown man was jealous of a small Boston terrier. Moments after that realisation, he told me to get rid of my dog or else.
I said ok. I got rid of my boyfriend, got a second dog and bought a home. My two dogs and I are very happy in our new home where we get to play in a big yard, swim and sleep in an enormous bed. Life is good.
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56points
#3
My brother struggled with mental health and spent time in a couple facilities. I was surprised by family members who did not go see him when he was at his worst.
Wunktacular:
I was in the hospital last year and the people who DID show up shocked me.
My parents were "too far". My sister "had plans".
All of my regular coworkers went out of their way to see me. I had a couple customers from work come to see me. My own parents couldn't make it but a client contact flew in from the next state over to bring me flowers.
Really put things into perspective.
Wunktacular:
I was in the hospital last year and the people who DID show up shocked me.
My parents were "too far". My sister "had plans".
All of my regular coworkers went out of their way to see me. I had a couple customers from work come to see me. My own parents couldn't make it but a client contact flew in from the next state over to bring me flowers.
Really put things into perspective.
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45points
You might feel dumb for not seeing the signs for a while, but you don’t want to ignore them forever either. In general, though, many people have been growing increasingly wary of those around them.
Americans, for example, trust each other less than they did a few decades ago. The share of adults who said “most people can be trusted” declined from 46% in 1972 to 34% in 2018, according to the General Social Survey.
In a 2023–24 Pew Research Center poll, an identical 34% said most people can be trusted.
#4
He kept adopting animals and then getting rid of them after a few months.
That didn't quite click, I guess, but then we got a puppy together. After a couple years, he gave me 24 hours to find the dog a new home. So I did.
The dog and I are doing just fine at our new home.
We moved from the suburbs to a very rural area where my pupper delighted in making new friends. He adores baby birds and all the small things. That one was a fledgling and did not need any help. It was fine.
That didn't quite click, I guess, but then we got a puppy together. After a couple years, he gave me 24 hours to find the dog a new home. So I did.
The dog and I are doing just fine at our new home.
We moved from the suburbs to a very rural area where my pupper delighted in making new friends. He adores baby birds and all the small things. That one was a fledgling and did not need any help. It was fine.
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43points
#5
I saw one of my cousins hit his wife. She is deaf and doesn’t have hearing aids. He had stood behind her while she was on her phone, verbally asked her something a few times without getting her attention first, then smacked her hand really hard and yelled at her in front of everyone at the table that she needed to do what she was told.
It was a two-for-one, because when I told my mom this when giving her the reasons why I wouldn’t be attending his gatherings anymore, she at first said that she didn’t see it, and wasn’t going to take someone else’s word for it. Then defended him after hearing the story by saying, “Well, if she wasn’t listening….” I’m sorry, but no. Even if she could’ve heard him, that’s not okay. It gave me a new perspective on how she treated me growing up, and my teenage sister now. It wasn’t okay, and it was not just a circumstantial thing.
It was a two-for-one, because when I told my mom this when giving her the reasons why I wouldn’t be attending his gatherings anymore, she at first said that she didn’t see it, and wasn’t going to take someone else’s word for it. Then defended him after hearing the story by saying, “Well, if she wasn’t listening….” I’m sorry, but no. Even if she could’ve heard him, that’s not okay. It gave me a new perspective on how she treated me growing up, and my teenage sister now. It wasn’t okay, and it was not just a circumstantial thing.
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42points
#6
My baby brother, who I love very dearly and always have thought the world of, started dating a 16 year old. At 26. Supposedly it's okay, because he has her mom's permission...I think that just means she has a bad mom.
She's 18 now, and he's 28. My mom seems to think I should just get over it, since she's 18 now. I strongly disagree. If some 26-year-old man thought he was gonna just hang around my niece until she turned 18, my entire family would have a huge problem with it. That dude would be seen as a [freaking] creep.
But because it's my baby brother, we're just supposed to turn a blind eye. Because he's "not like that" - except he is, because he literally groomed a child. And I just can't ever see him the same.
She's 18 now, and he's 28. My mom seems to think I should just get over it, since she's 18 now. I strongly disagree. If some 26-year-old man thought he was gonna just hang around my niece until she turned 18, my entire family would have a huge problem with it. That dude would be seen as a [freaking] creep.
But because it's my baby brother, we're just supposed to turn a blind eye. Because he's "not like that" - except he is, because he literally groomed a child. And I just can't ever see him the same.
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39points
Part of social trust is rooted in personal experience. People learn to trust others based on how they themselves have been treated.
But scarring events that reduce trust—including many from this list—may lead to viewing others with greater suspicion.
Also, some groups tend to trust others less than others.
For example, Americans with lower levels of education or income are less likely to say that most people can be trusted. But many other personal characteristics are associated with trust levels, including age and gender.
#7
My sister dated a guy for years who seemed perfect. Polite, good job, everyone loved him. One night we were all at dinner and a homeless guy came up asking for change. My sister quietly gave him a couple dollars. After the guy left, her boyfriend leaned over and said, dead serious, “You shouldn’t feed animals. They come back.” Everyone kind of laughed awkwardly but I remember feeling my stomach drop. The way he said it wasn’t a joke. She married him anyway. Divorced three years later after he treated her the exact same way.
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33points
#8
When I realised my fiancé had been cheating on me for our entire 5 year relationship. I confronted him with messages of him [texting] other women and he admitted it, telling me he never loved me, I wasn’t special, he was just using me for convenience. He said it with this horrible smirk on his face and blank pitiless eyes that said “oh, you figured it out did you?”
In that moment I felt my love and affection for him snuff out like a candle flame.
In that moment I felt my love and affection for him snuff out like a candle flame.
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31points
#9
My dad. I invited my best friend to spend the night. She got to my house and my dad realized she was mexican. He went on a rant about how she was going to steal from us, while she was in the room.
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30points
Reading these stories, you might wonder if it's better to just remain a skeptic and doubt the people around you. After all, common sense tells us that if people are too trusting, they might create problems for themselves, such as falling prey to scams. And distrust can be a rational response to a life full of hardship.
But on the other hand, trust lubricates the frictions of daily life. It makes working together easier, whether we're talking about a relationship or a project at work. And if we take an even broader look, society needs confidence that people will respect contracts, repay loans, and behave honestly—higher trust is also associated with better-functioning democratic institutions.
So perhaps, as in many things, the golden mean is the best approach: staying open to others while still keeping your eyes open for warning signs.
#10
Old college friend. We were out at a bar and he started berating the waitress over something tiny, like the wrong garnish on his drink. She was clearly about to cry and he just kept going. I looked around at our group and everyone was laughing along with him. Walked out, never hung out with any of them again.
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27points
#11
When my dad told me he was in support of "getting rid of the illegals". I knew deep down my dad was definitely conservative, but with the way I was raised I just never thought I would hear him say those words. He raised me to be kind and loving to all, that we stood up for our rights, that we do the right thing even when it's hard. And now its opened my eyes to seeing him do the opposite more than I had noticed before. As my dad, I will always love him, but I'm very disappointed in him.
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26points
#12
My husband. He had moments of cruelty for years. I thought it was me, and he just couldn’t deal with me. Me and our kids were in our yard and I was trying to save some baby birds from a snake that was climbing into their birdhouse. There were a few things in the yard I used as a makeshift ladder to get to the nest and I guess it pissed him off because of the “mess”. I tried to show him the baby bird in my hand and he looked at me with HATRED. Like I was a piece of [trash] under his shoe. Everything just sort of clicked all at once, and I realized how awful our marriage was.
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25points
#13
The week he left me, when I was 26 weeks pregnant with our second baby. Knowing my incredibly traumatic childhood. Knowing the abandonment issues and why I have them. Never a word about working on us to keep our family. Never a word of counselling. Just..one day he was with me. The next day he was gone.
I mourn the man I fell in love with. This April it will have been two years, and I’m still not over the pain.
I mourn the man I fell in love with. This April it will have been two years, and I’m still not over the pain.
25points
#14
She gave away her cat that she had for 15 years because it was old. It passed away at some kind stranger's house 3 months later.
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24points
#15
My ex just gradually got a really big but fragile ego. He's doing ok in his first job? Everyone else is an idiot. He's not getting promoted? Everyone else is playing management. He finds loopholes that let him save money in increasingly shady ways? He's smart. Other people do the same thing? They scam the system. One of the final straws was when he kept bragging about how smart he was because of the uni he went to. I also went there. It was where we met. For some reason, it didn't count in my favour, only his. Then I realised that kind of thinking permeated everything he did and said. Also, he never did the dishes, or cooked, or did the groceries or meal prepping, or exercised, or let me see my friends. By the end, it was clear he only prioritised himself.
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23points
#16
When she had the affair it hurt. Who sleeps with the guy that got her fired with him for harrasment?
When she lied to my daughter and said we split up because I was drinking double hurt, as some one who's been sober for a long time takes that pretty seriously.
But it wasn't until the moment that I had to sit down with my 13 year old daughter because she was afraid of me and explain that I wasn't drinking, and would never drink because I wouldn't choose that over my family kind of [crushed] me. Because I had to explain why I left, what her mother had did and watch my little girl crumble because for the past year her mother had been lying to her. I think thats when any love I had burned away.
When she lied to my daughter and said we split up because I was drinking double hurt, as some one who's been sober for a long time takes that pretty seriously.
But it wasn't until the moment that I had to sit down with my 13 year old daughter because she was afraid of me and explain that I wasn't drinking, and would never drink because I wouldn't choose that over my family kind of [crushed] me. Because I had to explain why I left, what her mother had did and watch my little girl crumble because for the past year her mother had been lying to her. I think thats when any love I had burned away.
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23points
#17
When I was dating my ex husband Columbine happened. I was talking about how horrible it was and how sad the situation was and he said. "what are you upset about it didn't happen to you." That's when I realized he had no empathy for other people and I still married him. Then divorced him.
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22points
#18
When I broke up with my ex fiancé I felt like I was being more than fair to him. I moved into the spare room, but left the good blanket in the main bedroom because it was just the best blanket and I didn’t want him to have to use a [worse] blanket on top of getting dumped. Back story, the blanket was also extremely sentimental to me, which he knew. When I was 12 my house burned down and I lost absolutely everything. My best friend had this incredible blanket that I always told her I loved it. After the fire, she gifted it to me. At 28, I had that blanket in near perfect condition still, it was still the best blanket ever. I absolutely cherished it. He let his dog tear it up, and relieve itself all over the blanket. I came downstairs one morning and found it torn and soiled in the living room.
Before that I was open to remaining friends or at least be on friendly terms. He stole, lied, and was [toxic] so I was giving quite the olive branch. Until I saw my blanket. I went scorched earth on him and told him exactly how terrible I saw him to be and told him he had a week to get out after giving him two months previously. I am still furious and upset about it to this day. That was too meaningful for someone who lost everything to also lose the blanket of hope a friend had shared with them.
Before that I was open to remaining friends or at least be on friendly terms. He stole, lied, and was [toxic] so I was giving quite the olive branch. Until I saw my blanket. I went scorched earth on him and told him exactly how terrible I saw him to be and told him he had a week to get out after giving him two months previously. I am still furious and upset about it to this day. That was too meaningful for someone who lost everything to also lose the blanket of hope a friend had shared with them.
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21points
#19
My sister when she revoked her offer to stay with me after a critical surgery, 24 hours before the surgery. I had to cancel it and I'm in agony every day. I can never look at her the same way again.
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21points
#20
He told me that he doesn’t mind making me cry because it’s when I’m the most beautiful.
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20points