We appreciate people who “keep it real” and speak their minds. But being brutally honest has a downside. Psychologist Dr. Jonice Webb calls it “an easy out” for hurtful people.
“By adding the word ‘honest’ after ‘brutal,’ they are informing you that they are about to hurt you, but that you should not experience any hurt because they’re just being honest,” Dr. Webb wrote in an article for Psychology Today.
Besides being a cop-out, Dr. Webb says brutal honesty may also be an act of manipulation.
“It’s also likely to make you feel that you’re wrong for experiencing the hurt. That’s gaslighting."
Dr. Webb’s main problem with brutal honesty is that it rids the conversation of its true message.
“By being self-described ‘straight shooters,’ the brutally honest risk hurting the feelings of the receiver, raising their defenses so that they want to distance and protect themselves instead of responding in a useful way,” she wrote.
Most of the texts you’ll read in this list have strong emotions behind them. Their message comes with some extra spice. According to Dr. Webb, it could be a sign of childhood emotional neglect.
“Families that are not tuned in to the subtleties and complications of emotions (i.e., emotionally neglectful families) are more likely to be unaware of how their words affect others’ feelings. Therefore, they produce more perpetrators and victims of brutal honesty.”
Brutal honesty isn’t advised in romantic relationships. For neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez, it shows a lack of compassion with the primary intent to inflict pain.
In an interview with Well+Good, she spoke about how being too blunt with a partner can create an unbalanced dynamic. It could also be damaging to the receiver’s self-esteem.
“There is no healthy way to sustain a relationship where one partner is held in such high esteem compared to the other.”
This isn’t to discourage straightforwardness. However, Dr. Webb encourages truth with compassion, instead.
“Basically, brutal honesty shuts down communication. Truth with compassion encourages communication.”
