“Cheeks Sore From Laughing”: 30 Green Flags To Look For When Dating

To find out how this thread started in the first place, we got in touch with Liam, aka Reddit user YaBoiLeeDawg. He was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda, and answer a few of our questions.

"I think I'd been browsing the Ask Reddit sub a few days in a row, and I kept seeing posts asking about red flags," Liam noted. "I thought 'enough is enough, let's hear about what you SHOULD look for on a first date.'"

So what does Liam consider to be "green flags" when dating? "For me, it's all about engaging in conversations and taking genuine interest," he shared. "I always think it's a good sign if the person I'm at a restaurant with asks about my food; it starts a topical conversation and shows they care."

As for whether red or green flags are easier to spot, Liam says red ones are usually more obvious. "Everyone has a list of things they consider 'non-negotiables', so it's easy to see someone straying towards something on that list, rather than recognizing someone being a good, decent human."

Finally, we asked the author what he thought of the responses to his post. "I think the replies were great, and I even had a few chuckles. As a big Lego fan myself, the comment about Bionicle had me giggling. As for whether it changed my approach to dating, I'd say it did. I definitely look out for situations where it seems neither of us want it to end, and that has never steered me wrong."

To learn more about this topic from a relationship expert, we also got in touch with ICF PCC Certified Coach Quincy Schmidt. First, we wanted to know if he thinks red or green flags are more important to look out for. "I think knowing what red flags are significant to your personal experience and history are very valuable," Quincy shared. "It helps a great deal to know what to look for that you'd like to avoid."

"I also think that's where most people stop in that pursuit of awareness. And that makes sense in a way. Knowing what your red flags are is relatively passive. They are not comfortable, but they don't take as much intentional work as green flags," the expert continued. "Red flags are easier to see because we can look back at our previous relationships, and they stick out like a sore thumb! They are quite valuable in that way. But in a sense, you're now aware of, and looking for the things you DONT want."

Quincy also noted that looking for green flags can be an uphill battle. "They take work to investigate for yourself. The beginning of that work is to notice the red flags, but then start to extrapolate and investigate 'What are things that I DO want present in my relationships going forward?' Negativity bias has us prepare for the things we are afraid of, so we can seek safety before the danger comes."

"But this primes us to look for what we don't want. This helps us to notice what we don't want. After I buy a red car, all of a sudden all I see are red cars. They were there the whole time, but now that I have a frame of reference for them they seem to be everywhere," the expert explained. "That's what we want to get to with green flags."

"Green flags are less passive. We need to look inside ourselves and think about what most benefitted us in previous relationships," Quincy continued. "Or what was missing that we want to have in our relationships going forward. That way we can see the green flags from a mile away as well."

"In this way, I think knowing our green flags is MORE important than knowing our red flags," he shared. "We just seldom take the time to do that uphill work. After all, we already know what we don't want. And that's useful right? Yes, AND, green flags are a further extension of that usefulness! It just takes a bit of work."

If you want to learn how to spot green flags, Quincy says it's a very personal journey. "First dates can be exciting, or anxiety producing, or any number of other excitatory, 'up' feelings. If you have investigated and know what green flags to look for for yourself, you may be able to see them more clearly through the cloud of excitement happening when you meet someone new," he shared.

"What made you feel safe in previous relationships? What made you feel cared for in previous relationships? Green flags are in the realm of moving toward pleasure, while red flags are in the realm of moving away from pain," the expert continued. "Take into perspective what made you feel pleasure over the course of relationships rather than getting caught up in the new relationship energy of what pleasure looks like in this very moment on the date. Bigger picture stuff. Zoom out and take in that perspective. New relationship energy is great in a lot of ways. Enjoy it."

"But also realize that it doesn't contribute to you seeing clearly in the moment. The past is a great teacher if you don't use it to beat yourself up about what you did wrong," Quincy told Bored Panda. "Instead, use it to learn how you'd like to have relationships going forward. Green Flags for the win!"

We also asked Quincy if he had any tips for giving off green flags when dating. "I would go back to the themes of self investigation," he shared. "The better you know yourself, and the more confidently you can speak to what you know about yourself, the greater the green flag in my opinion."

"If you are performing for the date across from you, something that isn’t authentic, just to win them over, that is going to come back to bite you later in the form of something you can’t, or won’t want to maintain," the expert added.

"You don’t know all the things you don’t know about yourself. But what you don’t know isn’t what matters. Advertising the things you do know in a way that’s authentic to you is the ultimate green flag," Quincy told Bored Panda. "Even if someone doesn’t connect with that part of you, or doesn’t want that in a partner, people appreciate authenticity. It acts as its own filter. 'If I express myself and you don’t like my authentic expression, this probably won’t work anyway, so I appreciate knowing that up front and you probably do too!'"

Finally, he added that people connect with confidence, even when the attribute you’re confident in isn’t something they’re into.

"Confidence comes from knowing yourself and projecting what you know about yourself," Quincy explained. "If you hide because you’re afraid of rejection, they don’t even get the opportunity to like what you’re hiding. So investigating what you may be afraid to show of yourself, and then finding ways to own it instead of hide it, is the ultimate green flag."

We were also fortunate enough to get in touch with Amie Leadingham, aka Amie the Dating Coach, to hear her thoughts on this topic. She says it's just as important to look for green flags as red flags when dating.

"When we focus only on red flags, we're essentially just trying to avoid disaster, but green flags help us identify relationships worth investing in," the relationship expert explained. "Green flags can tell us so much about a person's character and compatibility – when someone consistently shows up on time, communicates clearly, respects your boundaries, and shows genuine interest in your life, these indicate deeper qualities like reliability, emotional intelligence, respect, and care."

Amie also shared some of the green flags that she encourages her clients to look for. "I absolutely recommend my clients look for active listening as a top green flag on dates! When someone truly listens, maintaining eye contact, putting their phone away, referencing things you've mentioned earlier – it shows they value your thoughts and feelings," she noted.

"I can't tell you how many clients have told me about dates where the other person just waited for their turn to speak instead of actually listening. That's why I get excited when I hear about someone who asks thoughtful follow-up questions about what you've shared," Amie continued.

Amie says empathy is another crucial green flag she always emphasizes. "Can they understand your perspective even when it differs from theirs? Vulnerability is equally important," she shared. "I love when someone can appropriately share their authentic self, rather than putting up a perfect façade."

"And finally, I'm a huge advocate for looking at communication skills. Do they ask meaningful questions that go beyond small talk? Can they express their thoughts clearly? I've found these qualities are the foundation for meaningful connection, and I've seen incredible relationships bloom when these green flags are present from the beginning," the expert told Bored Panda. "When someone shows these qualities early on, I tell my clients they've potentially found someone worth investing their time and heart in."

And how can people make sure they're giving off green flags as well? "I always tell my clients that one of the most powerful green flags you can show is making your date feel truly seen and valued," Amie shared. "I've witnessed so many connections fizzle out because people get stuck in those safe, surface-level conversations about work, hobbies, and favorite TV shows. While those topics are fine starting points, they rarely create meaningful connection."

"What I recommend instead is approaching your date with genuine curiosity about who they really are as a whole person," Amie continued. "Ask questions that invite them to share their values, dreams, and what matters most to them."

"Something like 'What's bringing you joy in your life right now?' or 'What are you looking forward to in the next year?' can open up beautiful conversations. I've found that when my clients practice active listening and follow up thoughtfully on what their date shares, it creates this wonderful dynamic where the other person feels not just heard but truly understood," the expert shared.