"Oh God, This Person's An Idiot": 80 Moments When People Realized A Person Was Dumb

When I was 18 I was chatting with the service desk person at my job at a grocery store and somehow whales were brought up, and she called them fish. I said no, whales are mammals. She said no, mammals are like rats and deer. I said no, people, whales, dolphins, rats and deer are all mammals. She then got SUPER offended that I said Humans were mammals. Apparently humans just defy categorization. We're not mammals, cus mammals are animals, and people aren't animals, we're people. 


The older lady listening just touched my shoulder and said "drop it kid, you can't argue with... This". I laughed and walked away.

I've met two separate people in my little town who refuse to drink any type of water. One lady claims she's never had a single cup her whole life and just drinks coffee or juice. It was no use telling her those have water in it. And a man who was every bit of unhealthy looking. He was super offended when I offered him a free water bottle. He literally yelled "HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT WATER DOES TO METAL?!?! IMAGINE WHAT ITS DOING TO YOUR INSIDES!" Okay well I'm sorry sir. I didn't realize I was talking to a cyborg.

My former chiropractor had a plastic skeleton hanging in his exam room (full size). He said some fundamentalist people were looking at it, wondering if it was a male or female skeleton. One of them decided it was female, because otherwise "it would be missing one rib."

A few years ago now, there was a relatively famous April Fools prank in the UK. Basically, someone made a film about the 'annual pasta harvest in Switzerland' and it ran on the main channels. Good harmless fun, right? Obviously fake, right??

Cut to me talking to the person I've been dating for a few weeks about what we should grab to eat, and them trotting out this 'fun fact', that pasta grows on trees.

I spent the rest of the relationship randomly asking which type of tree produced which shape, if different shapes came from different countries, etc.

Grown adult man. Brain smoother than George Clooney on a press junket...

I know a guy who teaches general science at the high school level. He told me he doesn't wear a seatbelt because, in the event of an accident, he wants to be "thrown safely from the car".

All these years later, I still can't even parse that sentence. My brain flatly refuses to even try to make sense of it.

My friend asked how she could be sure she was the mother of her baby because he cheated on her just as she got pregnant.

I severed off my thumb with a gas-powered log splitter and a coworker asked if it would grow back. I thought she was joking at first. She. Was. Not.

A worker in the company I used to work for asked me if I could fax a few documents for her. I said, "Sure,just leave them here, and I will fax them when I get a chance. Later, she came back, and I handed her the documents and said, "All done.
She looked at me and said, "You didn't fax them, and I replied yes I did and I showed her the confirmation. She said, "Why do you still have the papers
I was baffled and said, "Do you actually think when you fax something the paper teleports into the destination. Let's just build a huge fax machine, and I'll fax myself to Europe for a nice vacation.

Religious coworker showed me a video of a baby with chicken wings attached to its back and he believed it was a real angel. So I pulled up a pic of Van Halens 1984 album, told me that angel smoking the cigarette was fake.

Not my story but a friend's. They worked at a book store and a teenager walks up to him and asks him to help find a book that he needs for school.

Asks if they know the title. --Nope.
Ask if they know the author. --Nope.
Do you know I'd it is fiction or non fiction. --What's that mean? 🥴

Kid thinks really hard to remember something... anything....and says..I think it's a sports book.

Okay do you k iw what sport it's about? -- Baseball...I think.

.....is it Catcher in the Rye?... --Yeah that sounds familiar.

Come this way. It's neither a sports book nor about baseball.

The education system, his parents, SOMEONE has failed this poor young man.

Recently got into it with someone who was a MAGA "obey authority" type. He said that in Texas they have always obeyed the law. When pointed out that Texas had not once but twice taken up arms against their own government, he didn't know what I meant. That's when I realized I was wasting my time.

Had a friend ask why I couldn't eat ducks as a vegetarian. He thought they were fish, since they lived in the water. I informed him that even if that were anywhere close to the truth, fish are also animals.

I thought smoke was going to start coming out of his ears from how much that hurt his brain.

Waaaaay back when they were in high school, my husband and a friend of his decided it would be hilarious fun to paint a big statue that stood in front of the school.

After they finished their masterpiece, they wanted to make sure their friends knew they were the ones who'd done it......so they signed their names. They were SHOCKED at how quickly the school administration figured out who the artists were.

Overheard a conversation between a customer and their hairdresser. They were talking about sporting bets and horse racing. Suddenly the hairdresser went "wait a minute. Given the different time zones and how in the US it is only morning when it is afternoon in our area already: couldn't we just call them and tell them the race results so they can place the bets for us?" I was very glad I was not the customer that had to explain how timeszones worked to her.

Used to work for a pizza delivery company, had a lady call up in the middle of the day asking to order a pizza for delivery.

She was a new customer which means we didn’t have an address on file, so I asked for the address and her response was, “I’m not going to tell you.”

So I pause for a moment because this is certainly a first for me, so I ask her, “How are we supposed to deliver to you if you won’t tell us what your address is?”

She responds, “Well, I don’t know what the address is.”

So I pause again for a moment and repeat myself, “Ma’am, how are we supposed to bring you pizza if you don’t know where you are?”

She says, “So you won’t take my order?”

“Not without an address to deliver to, no.”

“Then I guess I’ll order from somewhere else!”

And I said bet, “I guess you will!” and hung up on her. She didn’t sound drunk, or senile, and didn’t seem like a prank call. But definitely never had a call quite like that one lol.

An episode where the idiot was actually me. I was buying some books on the flea market and it turned out this seller had some more books at home. We wanted to exchange numbers so i gave him my number and said to call me back so i would save his. Moment he called, i sad: just a sec, somebody's calling me, i have to take it. The guys' face...:)))
I explain it to myself it was a reflex.

My husband used to work at a meat shop. He had a lady come in and ask about chicken. He started the spiel well what kind of chicken is she looking for? Bone in or boneless? She gets a look of horror and asks if that is humane? Like, was it ethical to raise chickens without bones....

I went on a date with a guy.

We order chicken wings, they came out and they were undercooked. I stopped immediately, “stop eating these, they’re raw.”

He looked at me, perplexed. “So?”

I look at him, perplexed, “you can’t eat chicken raw, it will make you sick.”

Him, “it’s just rare, you’re over reacting.”

I flag the server and kindly let them know. They see the chicken and profusely apologise making some more.

The guy, “you should have specified you wanted well done instead of rare then…”

That was the last date.

My teenager just came to me two days ago and told me his iPhone wouldn’t charge. After much prying of information I find out that he tried to clean the lightning port out with a nail file. We will be scratching off rocket scientist and astronaut from the list of career options, probably some others as well.

Friend worked in a jail and was answering the phone at the front desk.

Friend: “Hello, (local jail), how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I gotta see if my baby daddy’s in there.”

Friend: “What’s his name?”

Caller: “T-Dawg.”

Friend: “…his legal name?”

The caller had no idea. Reproducing with this dude and didn’t even know what his actual name was.