People Claim These Things Can Be Considered Cheating (30 Posts)

We managed to get in touch with the Redditor who sparked this discussion, and they were kind enough to chat with us about their post and cheating in relationships in general. The user told us they posted this question as a way to cope with a breakup they’re currently trying to get over. "My girlfriend of 3 years overstepped some boundaries a couple of times which meant I had to leave her since the trust was broken," they told Bored Panda. "Also, I wanted to know what other people's boundaries in relationships are because I was uncertain if mine are actually reasonable."

The Redditor explained they did not expect their post to blow up as much as it did. In just over a week, the thread has amassed over 3k comments, proving the question deeply resonated with many members of the community. "The topic of infidelity is tied to strong emotion and a lot of people have had their own experiences that certainly came with a lot of pain," the user guessed the reason for such engagement.

"I am really grateful for all the responses because I learned that there are a lot of people who think like me and share my values. It also taught me to be more open to different ideas. In the past, I was pretty suspicious of open relationships, for example. But at the end of the day, if it works for others and makes their life more bearable, who am I to judge?"

The author of this thread believes that people cheat because they are missing something in the relationship. "They might communicate poorly with their partner. Or it might even be something within themselves that their partner was never able to give them in the first place," they told us. "They lack self-awareness or lie to themselves and make one bad decision after the other leading them down the wrong path."

To get to the bottom of this question, we reached out to Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D., a psychology professor at Monmouth University, relationship expert, and author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them. "According to research, the most common signs of cheating include growing apathy toward the relationship, spending time with a rival, and changes in routine. Importantly, though these are signs of potential cheating, seeing these doesn’t mean cheating is automatically happening," he explained.

Noticing new suspicious behaviors in our partners can immediately sound the alarm that things just don’t add up anymore. Sure, they may have alternate explanations, but you can’t help but listen to what your gut is telling you. Then, you need to be sure your concerns are valid before jumping to conclusions and deciding what to do next. Usually, that can be done by getting confirmation from your partner, the person they’re cheating with, or simply finding cold, hard proof.

The Redditor told us that being cheated on is one of the biggest fears most people have in a relationship. "If your partner cheats, that immediately plunges everything into uncertainty. You cannot comprehend why the person you trusted the most could do such a thing," they told us. "The future you imagined vanishes and whatever you do, you will not get satisfying answers as to why that happened. You might even question your own self-worth or become distrustful of others."

But when most of us think of our loved ones having an affair with someone else, we often envision forms of physical intimacy. However, that’s not always the case. "It’s also possible to engage in emotional infidelity where a person forms a deep emotional connection with someone other than their partner," relationship expert Lewandowski said.

"With emotional infidelity, a partner starts to spend quality time with someone, share more substantial feelings (their insecurities, dreams and aspirations), they may share secrets, or simply just seek out this other person to share things with before they even share with their partner. Though not everyone considers these behaviors by themselves cheating, they are certainly 'gateway behaviors' that make physical cheating more likely," he continued.

"When it comes to your own behaviors (physical or emotional), you don’t get to decide whether you’re cheating or not…your partner does. So while you may think your behavior is completely innocent (e.g., flirting), if your partner isn’t comfortable with it, they could consider it cheating," he told us.

According to Lewandowski, signs of emotional infidelity include reluctance to discuss someone, emotional disengagement, being inconsiderate, and avoidance. "You may also notice more signs of dissatisfaction, guilt, anxiety, anger, and criticism from your partner."

The suspicion that you’ve been cheated on is a terrible feeling that can make it feel like your whole world is quickly turning upside down. If you’re unsure how to ease your worries, Lewandowski explained that it all comes down to communication, like with all relationship problems. "In a non-accusatory way, explain to your partner how you feel. Remember, most people don’t cheat in their relationship, so odds are that your partner isn’t being unfaithful. With that in mind, you can also focus on strengthening aspects of your relationship (e.g., spend more time together doing new and exciting activities) to help you feel more confident about the state of your relationship," he concluded.