“You Can’t Be That Dumb”: 85 Times People Learned Their Partner Had Only Two Brain Cells

Dated this guy briefly- we were getting steamy, and he asked if I was on the pill. I reminded him that I’d had a hysterectomy a few months before, he goes, “What is that?” I tell him I don’t have a uterus. “Ok, are you on the Pill, though?”

Dried up like a puddle in Death Valley.

When he tried to surprise me with a homemade dinner and put a frozen pizza in the oven with the cardboard still on it. The smoke alarm went off, the cat panicked, and he looked at me and said "i think it needs 5 more minutes." I loved that man but he had exactly 2 brain cells and they were both fighting for third place.

Dude wouldn't wear a seatbelt because he didn't like people telling him what to do and "big government" can't control him.

When I realized he only showered before the gym, never after and when questioned he was adamant that he didn’t need to because the clean would carry over. “It’s what my dad does”, I had to explain to him that no his dad was just showering at the gym before coming home. He refused to believe me until we went downstairs and asked his dad who confirmed he did indeed shower at the gym.

This happened weeks before he proposed to me and I said yes so we were both dating idiots.

He told me his ovaries hurt. I laughed. He was serious. I told him, unless he was keeping a serious secret, he didn’t have ovaries. He said, all men have ovaries. I broke up with him. I can’t date a man who is unaware of his own anatomy.

In high school I was starting to date this girl and when I asked her address to pick her up she didn’t know it. I had to walk her through going out to the street and telling me what it was.

Cue a flashback of all the “hilarious” jokes she’d made that sparked my interest in her and the sudden realization that she was probably just being serious.

“I don’t like to put chemical in my body” when taking medicine, but yet drinks alcohol and soda. Eats processed foods.

She faked asthma attacks for attention. Like, she told me she got asthma attacks, and I thought ok, that’s fair, let’s keep an eye out for those.

And then later she would be not part of the conversation and suddenly yell OH GOD and then immediately fall down onto the ground and pretend to be asleep.

I was a very lonely teenager, and even then I lasted through two of those before calling it quits. Ain't how asthma works, girl.

He asked me what my body count was on the second date. And before I even answer it, he said if it’s above 2, I cannot continue. Well I was 20 then and a virgin but no way in hell Imma proceed now LOL.

I told my husband I wanted a banana tree to hang up the bananas instead of placing them on the counter where they get bruised easily. He only heard “I want a banana tree.” He looked outside, hands on his hips, wearing a very concerned face, at our cold midwestern yard and quietly whispered, “I don’t think we have the right climate for a banana tree…” it was very sweet to see the gears slowly turning in his head to try and figure out how he was going to get me this banana tree but I definitely looked at him a little sideways after that.

She didn't know that the continents moved. We were at a science museum and saw a Carboniferous swamp display. I said, "they don't have a map of the earth from that time period, they should show where the continents were back then.' She says that the continents don't move. I started to explain plate tectonics but she said it sounded made up. So I found the plate tectonics exhibit to prove it. She was convinced that not only had I made it up but I had somehow got the science museum to install a fake exhibit.

I wasn’t dating them, but I once had a tinder match try to, I guess, impress me with an unprompted multi paragraph rant about chemtrails.

That’s gonna be a no from me dawg.

This guy totaled his car texting and driving and then later that week got fired from his job for barging into a manager level meeting to ask his friend when they could leave cause he needed a ride and had somewhere to be. The following week he got a LinkedIn message from someone he hadn't talked to in 10+ years about how to get $$ fast. He fell for it, bought $5,000 in visa gift cards and gave the #s to the scammer via LinkedIn message. Lost all his savings with that one. In two weeks he was without a car, unemployed, and broke.

When he said “ all allergies” are made up and don’t require antihistamine (including EpiPen for anaphylactic shock- it’s in your head). Date no 2, I politely exited few mins after, never spoke to them again. Couldn’t do it, wasn’t a bad person, just NOT BRIGHT at all.

Edited: this man was 40, not 12. I don’t have allergies, nor did I mention it on the date. We were sitting outside at a cafe with our coffee, a pedestrian on the other side of the street walked by and sneezed- which led to this “allergy” talk by him. My mind kept thinking “I don’t know how to talk to you, sorry” (didn’t say it to him, what’s the point) as I was walking away.

Confidently told me that he was having a hard time socializing at work because he kept ranting to people about how their kids disabilities would be cured if they ate better and went on a cleanse, nobody liked him and he didn’t understand why they didn’t just appreciate the advice.

His mom worked for one of those MLM supplement companies and I was the first to tell him she gets paid to spew nonsense.

He was not happy with me.

She told me vaccines cause autism. Classic.

I made a passing comment about young earth creationists and he looked at me like I was the stupid one and explained to me that yes the earth was only five thousand years old. He then went on to tell me that he didn’t believe in evolution because the science kept changing over the years and that the creation story in the Bible was more trustworthy because it never changed. Dumped him the next day.
Edit: this guy also didn’t like to handle receipt paper on even an occasional basis because “they’re coated in estrogen!”.

She told me that I got Covid because I wasn’t “spiritually fit enough.” The full statement went something along the lines of “You got Covid because you’re not spiritually fit and therefore attract negative things. That’s why I’ll never get Covid — I’m spiritually fit and enlightened.” She also refused to get Covid tests unless they were required by her workplace (she was a grad student teaching courses), and she tore me a new one when I got the Covid vaccine, saying “I’ll never get a vaccine because I don’t want to get sick.” So her logic was basically that because she never got vaccines and never got tested for diseases, she was never sick. I wanna slap myself for staying in that relationship for such a long time.

When I suspected my (now) ex of cheating on me, I opened his journal that he kept on the table right next to our bed. He was in fact cheating on me and I knew this because he had written about every detail of the cheating in the journal that he kept on the table right next to our bed.

Met a girl who couldn’t wrap her head around why the English language option in the ATM in Europe would have a British flag on it rather than an American flag on it. When told about the chronological order of things in history of it all, doubled down with “that’s stupid, America’s stronger.”

She’s from NJ and has become a divorce lawyer since. I grew up in NJ and am staying as far away from that place as possible.