People Are Sharing Things That Shouldn't Be Socially Acceptable In 2022, And Some Are Controversial

“Being within a community, we are relatively conformist,” Dr Audrey Tang, a chartered psychologist and author of multiple books, including "Be A Great Manager Now," "The Leader's Guide to Mindfulness," and "The Leader's Guide to Resilience” told Bored Panda in an interview.

According to Dr Tang, this is nothing new and much of this collective approach can be traced back to the dawn of civilization. She calls it “a hangover from our past as a collective.” Dr Tang explained: “It was safer for the community to sleep at the same time because it meant that no one was sneaking into your cave to steal your stuff.”

Moreover, we have a fundamental drive to be part of a group. “We have always been safer together, and inclusion – even if you are near the bottom of the pack – still means you are part of something bigger.”

Dr Tang argues that "social norms" are the cultures, behaviors and expectations which make up society. “They can differ from community to community, but in many ways, adherence allows us to know where we fit within our group.”

She continued: “When we live in a society with others (and this is evident in the animal kingdom), we tend to understand our ‘place’ in the pack through acknowledging ourselves in comparison to others – with the goal being access to resources. In humans, we are fighting less over a perceived scarcity of food and water, but (especially in the social media world) a need for acknowledgment and validation.”

Dr Tang also claims that building self-esteem has focused on appreciating the self but often in comparison to others “(e.g. I didn’t win… but at least I didn’t come last).” She added that “While in many ways this was more important historically where there was more of a 'fight' for resources, the 'competition' has now moved to social media and 'likes' - and as such this may now also play a huge part in what is acceptable.”

Dr Tang argues that we often feel fear of judgment because of a tendency to live our life according to a series of ‘shoulds.’Although if you ask anyone, they are likely not to be able to tell you where their rules came from.

“For example, who said that ‘women should be caring and nurturing?’; who said that ‘men shouldn’t cry?’ Who said that we should/shouldn’t be a certain weight/size/shape, etc.” Dr Tang added: “and more importantly, is anyone still saying it?!”

Nonetheless, it is often easier to simply conform. “And there results an unconscious lesson – shout long enough and loud enough and people may go along with you to shut you up.”Moreover, a lot of our beliefs are imposed unconsciously through the stories we watch in the media, in our culture, in our families and in our overall experience, Dr Tang argues.

“Sometimes, especially when we have so much going on, we don’t have time to stop and think – we don’t always appreciate that some of our beliefs about what we ‘should/shouldn’t’ do are not necessarily healthy.” One thing we can do is ask ourselves, Dr Tang suggests, “How would I feel if I didn’t have that thought (i.e. about the other person judging me)?” and then behave accordingly.

When we are at odds with others, it is common to feel guilt. “Related to this is our self-esteem – which (unlike self compassion) is developed in comparison to others – if we see we are doing better, we feel better about ourselves.”

Dr Tang explained that “when we hear differing opinions, yes, the opinion itself may make us angry, but it causes us to question our own foundations, and unconsciously, our position in our own world… if someone else is different… could they end up being more 'powerful' (or at least get more access to the resources I want)?”