40 People Reveal Their Biggest Secrets They Will Probably Never Say Out Loud

“In a relationship, secrecy is about keeping secrets from the other person, whereas privacy is when you are free from being observed or disturbed by the other person,” dating expert Dan, who created The Modern Man project, explained to Bored Panda the difference between privacy and secrecy.

The expert pointed out that privacy isn’t a problem when both people in the relationship are emotionally independent. If they’re both confident, happy, and emotionally in control “regardless of what the other person says or does,” they’re likely to be fine with giving each other space. However, that’s not the case when the person is emotionally dependent, aka needy.

“They will struggle to give the other person enough privacy because they need the other person’s attention to make themselves feel okay on a daily basis,” Dan explained.

“Each relationship is different in terms of secrecy and privacy, but for a relationship to work, both people need to fully trust each other and allow the other person to take responsibility for that trust on their own,” he told us.

“In other words, there’s no need to continually remind the other person about being trustworthy, demand it, or sulk about it. Just give your trust to the other person and let them take care of it. If they break your trust, then that is their mistake. However, if you regularly demand that they be trustworthy and make them promise not to cheat or betray you, then that is your mistake.”

Sometimes, complete honesty about one’s past isn’t healthy for new relationships. At times, it’s best to be discrete about certain unsavory things you might have done in past relationships if you’ve now learned your lesson. “In a relationship between two people, it's not always necessary to tell the other person absolutely everything because sometimes past truths can ruin the current relationship,” Dan stressed.

“For example: A guy cheated on his previous ex-girlfriend of several years, even though she treated him well. He felt bad about doing it, learned from the experience, and personally vowed to never cheat again. From that day onward, he never cheated on a girlfriend again.”

He continued: “He could tell his current girlfriend about his mistake of cheating on a good girlfriend and she may be fine about it, but she might also develop an insecurity and begin to worry that he would cheat on her if given the chance to.” This could lead to the partner becoming more possessive, controlling, and needy. That, in turn, would cause a lot of stress for both people, and it could lead to a breakup in the future.

“So, by not telling her, he gives both himself and her a clean slate in the relationship. Additionally, it’s likely that she had also cheated on a previous boyfriend at some point in her life and if she were to tell him about that, it could cause him to become insecure too. Both of them are keeping a secret, but in this case, it might actually help the relationship, rather than hurt it,” the founder of The Modern Man explained to us that secrecy can, paradoxically, help relationships in some cases.

Not every secret is bad, of course. Someone might be planning a surprise party for you. Or they did a good deed and simply don’t like to brag. However, it’s usually saucy and dramatic secrets that get people’s attention.

Not all secrets are made equal, though. There is a difference between secrecy and privacy, you see. Just because someone’s in a committed relationship or part of a close-knit family, doesn’t mean that you have to communicate every single thought and action with them. That would be exhausting. And, let’s be frank, unnecessary—not everything we do warrants blogging about.

During an earlier interview, Bored Panda spoke to relationship coach Alex Scot. She stressed that transparency is vital in relationships, especially familial and romantic ones. We should try to live by the Golden Rule when it comes to openness: if we’d like others to be honest with us, we must strive to do the same. What’s more, we ought to imagine ourselves in the shoes of the people whose lives might be affected by our secrets.

"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," the relationship expert explained to Bored Panda that openness is best.

"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place." In other words, if you feel ashamed about keeping something to yourself, that might be an indication that this is a secret worth confessing.

Everyone makes mistakes. Though the size of these stumbles might be different in every relationship. You’ll probably agree that someone forgetting to do the dishes or eating chocolates in the backyard when they should be on a diet isn’t the same as someone flirting with strangers or holding someone else’s hand.

Relationship expert Alex stressed that rebuilding trust in relationships is always challenging. Once broken, that trust doesn’t automatically reappear.

"For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."