40 People Reveal The Moment They Realized They Married The Wrong Person

"I came up with the question because I feel this doesn’t get asked enough. All I ever hear from people are how they knew they were with the right person," the redditor behind the intriguing and honest discussion shared with Bored Panda.

"You could be with someone you want to be with forever and see a future, but that can change and we need to be okay with letting it go. Sometimes the good doesn’t outweigh the bad," u/tippytoes1216 said.

The OP believes that the reason why their thread resonated with so many people is that the question was a taboo one. "I mean, I’ve never asked anyone in my personal life this question, unless the relationship was already over. Seeing the comments in this thread shows that even though some people knew they’re with the wrong person, they are willing to stay in it," they said that everyone should be able to talk about failing relationships without feeling judged, and given support by others.

We were curious to redditor u/tippytoes1216's opinion on how someone can tell if their partner might not make a good spouse in the future. According to them, one sign is "if the little things they do bother you," such as "leaving dishes in the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher or leaving their clothes right next to the basket."

They noted: "These little things add up and can turn into resentment later on in the relationship. Don’t avoid the little things, because they matter as much as the big things."

The OP was very grateful to everyone who participated in the discussion they started. "I honestly did not think this question would blow up like it did. I’m thankful and sending positive vibes to all the people who have shared their stories with the Reddit community," they said. "And I hope some of the replies have reached people who are struggling and know they are not alone. You are strong and worth the love."

Bored Panda wanted to figure out how someone can tell if their partner is 'the right person' to marry. Barbara Honey, a Counselor with Relate, shed some light on this. "If you're convinced you've fallen in love with someone and you want to spend the rest of your life with them, then you will have picked up many, many clues that you have a ‘fit’ with them that'll work," she said.

"There's a theory that this 'fit' comes from having a shared cultural background, the same values, beliefs, and sense of humor, and that there's just something about them that feels familiar—like having similar ways of showing love that your family does. But many people who don't share these things still have long and fulfilling relationships," she noted.

We also turned to the team at Relate with a question on figuring out if a relationship is deeply dysfunctional or if the couple is simply going through a rough patch.

"Think about whether the change in how you feel about your partner is coming from internal or external factors. If you're going through a big life change, like you've just had a baby or you're going through work and money worries, that's an indicator that the changes are external and it's a rough patch," Honey, from Relate, told Bored Panda. "Making time to check out how your partner is feeling may be the start of feeling less alone and vulnerable and could form to the basis of working things through together."

However, this doesn't apply to all relationships. At times, internal factors can change how you feel about your partner. "If that feeling is internal, like you feel your interests are different and that's stopped you from loving your partner, then that's a sign that it might be time to end the relationship," the Relate Counselor said.

"But relationships are complex things. Talking through your feelings with someone who can help you make as much sense of them as possible may open up opportunities for change, whether that’s working things through together or leaving the relationship."

The more time you spend with your partner, the more chances you have to see what they’re really like in terms of their values, character, and how they treat others around them. Ideally, you probably want to marry someone with similar values, who respects you as much as you do them, and who values transparency over secrecy.

Some other positives include being able to control one’s temper, being an active listener, and looking for compromises instead of trying to ‘be right’ in arguments.

According to Elizabeth Scott, Ph.D., the top issues that married couples have include money problems, childcare issues, daily stress, busy schedules, poor communication, and harmful behavior.

She notes on Verywell Mind that for nearly a third of Americans, money worries are a direct source of conflict in their marriage. It’s essential to get on the same page regarding finances, from spending vs. saving habits to work and investment philosophies, before the marriage. You definitely don’t want to be blindsided when it comes to financial stability.

Another sensitive issue is sharing the housework and childcare load in a fair and balanced way. The fact of the matter is that even in extremely progressive societies and developed countries, women still tend to do the lion’s share of the chores, even if they work full-time jobs.

CNN recently reported on the Pew Research Center’s findings that even in egalitarian marriages where women earn the same as men, the latter have more free time. “Even as financial contributions have become more equal in marriages, the way couples divide their time between paid work and home life remains unbalanced,” the Center notes in its study. 

“Husbands in egalitarian marriages spend about 3.5 hours more per week on leisure activities than wives do. Wives in these marriages spend roughly 2 hours more per week on caregiving than husbands do and about 2.5 hours more on housework.”