We need people who bring out the best in us, not those who slowly erode our values. If we end up in the wrong crowd, we might not notice it at first until one day we realize we’ve been shrinking ourselves just to fit in. That realization can be uncomfortable, but it can also be the first step toward change.
To remind you that it’s perfectly fine to cut ties with people who don’t treat you well, we invite you to take a look at the thread started by the Reddit user UsefulLima. It asked everyone on the platform to share the fastest way they realized they were in the wrong friend group. Sometimes, the answer is clearer than we expect.
#1
I had moved to a large city, other friends from my hometown were already living there. I joined some meet up groups here on Reddit focusing on hiking, group members were coordinating a weekend hike, there was probably 10 people signing on to join. The trailhead to the hiking spot is always pack with vehicles so when I sign on to attend, I offered people to meet up at my apartment complex and we carpool, many agreed.
As the day of the hike approached, many people started dropping like flies,. The day of, there was only one other person who stated they were on their way, no one else responded. When this person knocked on my apartment, I opened the door to what was a very young girl, she drove there obviously but she looked no more than 16, I was in my mid/upper 20’s myself. I told her that no one else would be joining us and if she wanted to proceed with the hike, she agreed. I was a technology instructor for the blind and visually impaired at that time so I treated her as if she was one of my students, pure respect. She was very talkative and I gave her very generic responses, no asking deeper questions, just keeping it as amicable as possible.
Anywho, we do the hike, get her back to her car and send her on her way, end of that story. Later that evening, two of my ‘friends’ came over and they asked me about my day and I told them about the hike and this young girl, their responses to that took me aback. One said I should of invited her in, maybe she was looking for some action, the other one agreed and said something along the lines of, I should have gone to the bathroom, came out [undressed] and swung my [thing] around. That friend did a sumo squat, swung his arm between his leg mimicking what he just said and it was at that moment that I knew our friendship was over, no way would I be associated with that kind of language or behavior, haven't spoken to or seen them since.
As the day of the hike approached, many people started dropping like flies,. The day of, there was only one other person who stated they were on their way, no one else responded. When this person knocked on my apartment, I opened the door to what was a very young girl, she drove there obviously but she looked no more than 16, I was in my mid/upper 20’s myself. I told her that no one else would be joining us and if she wanted to proceed with the hike, she agreed. I was a technology instructor for the blind and visually impaired at that time so I treated her as if she was one of my students, pure respect. She was very talkative and I gave her very generic responses, no asking deeper questions, just keeping it as amicable as possible.
Anywho, we do the hike, get her back to her car and send her on her way, end of that story. Later that evening, two of my ‘friends’ came over and they asked me about my day and I told them about the hike and this young girl, their responses to that took me aback. One said I should of invited her in, maybe she was looking for some action, the other one agreed and said something along the lines of, I should have gone to the bathroom, came out [undressed] and swung my [thing] around. That friend did a sumo squat, swung his arm between his leg mimicking what he just said and it was at that moment that I knew our friendship was over, no way would I be associated with that kind of language or behavior, haven't spoken to or seen them since.
45points
#2
My friend celebrated his birthday on his family’s yacht**.** There were only five of us, but one guy invited a bunch of girls who were clearly only there for the "lifestyle."
While everyone was busy trying to look rich for social media, I sat at the back with a beer, looking at the shore. We were passing by some very humble, low-income neighborhoods. Seeing that massive gap—the mindless spending on the boat vs. the reality of the people living right there—something just "clicked."
I realized I didn’t want to be the guy on the yacht. I wanted to be at home, eating a cheap pizza with people I actually care about, talking about life or playing a board game. I distanced myself from that group shortly after. Best decision ever.
While everyone was busy trying to look rich for social media, I sat at the back with a beer, looking at the shore. We were passing by some very humble, low-income neighborhoods. Seeing that massive gap—the mindless spending on the boat vs. the reality of the people living right there—something just "clicked."
I realized I didn’t want to be the guy on the yacht. I wanted to be at home, eating a cheap pizza with people I actually care about, talking about life or playing a board game. I distanced myself from that group shortly after. Best decision ever.
40points
#3
They started wearing red baseball caps. Difficult to talk to them afterwards.
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39points
#4
I was everyone's computer tech guy, house moving guy, money lending guy, grass 'lending' guy, food shouting guy.
My Dad pointed out that I sure have a lot of children to support.
That was what I needed to hear.
Been happily doing my own thing ever since.
My Dad pointed out that I sure have a lot of children to support.
That was what I needed to hear.
Been happily doing my own thing ever since.
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38points
#5
When they would use your presence as the joke within the group, someone to make fun of and laugh at collectively.
Stupid me. I was wondering why I always felt upset and hated myself each time I went home after hanging out with them, why couldn't I be better and not a joke of a person.
Nah. Just wrong friend group.
Stupid me. I was wondering why I always felt upset and hated myself each time I went home after hanging out with them, why couldn't I be better and not a joke of a person.
Nah. Just wrong friend group.
36points
#6
Decided to stop being the one to instigate hanging out, to see if anyone would invite me to anything. Literally haven't talked to anyone in that group since, about 15 years going.
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34points
#7
They started having a conversation in front of me about how excited they all were for the upcoming beach trip. I hadn’t been invited.
33points
#8
Fastest sign is when you leave every hangout feeling smaller, dumber, or more drained than when you showed up. Real friends don’t make you recover from them.
31points
#9
When all they want to do is talk about their problems and don't listen when you talk.
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29points
#10
The moment you realize you're only included when it's convenient for them, not when it actually matters.
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27points
#11
When my dad [passed away], nobody reached out or called to check how I was doing
Spent many years thinking we were all brothers.
Spent many years thinking we were all brothers.
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27points
#12
One of the conference presenters got sloppy drunk and started ranting about how it's perfectly normal to want to [sleep with] teenagers. (Years later, one of his coauthors was literally in the Epstein files.)
26points
#13
I asked to join their D&D game and they said girls don't play D&D, and I'm a girl, well was at the time. I'm an old woman now and still pissed.
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25points
#14
They started “doing their own research” and lost their minds.
24points
#16
They wanted to do a “prank” where they threw rocks over the highway overpass.
22points
#17
Church friends ghosted me when my depression didn't just vanish.
22points
#19
My friends all married and had kids and I didn't. Suddenly everything was about husbands and babies and nobody wanted me around if I couldn't join in.
22points
#20
Had a group of friends back in college who were really chill people. They were the popular kids and everyone wanted to be their friend.
Luckily, I got in and became a part of their group. Few months go by and I’ve become a bit close to everyone, but something’s not right.
I don’t drink nor smoke, they do. But that’s fine, right? Apparently it wasn’t. They started gaslighting me and telling me that only a “man” drinks and smokes. Started drinking and smoking due to them.
One night when we were out and coming back from a club, there was this old homeless man we passed by on the street. He looked really in need and begged us for at least a dollar. I didn’t pay attention but I think he tugged at the “leader” of the group’s jacket. Big mistake. He starts fuming talking about the brand and price of the jacket and convinces the others to make him pay. They all the beat the homeless man and cripple him.
That sight ruined me and still haunts me, safe to say I cleaned my hands, became sober and was never a part of that group again.
Luckily, I got in and became a part of their group. Few months go by and I’ve become a bit close to everyone, but something’s not right.
I don’t drink nor smoke, they do. But that’s fine, right? Apparently it wasn’t. They started gaslighting me and telling me that only a “man” drinks and smokes. Started drinking and smoking due to them.
One night when we were out and coming back from a club, there was this old homeless man we passed by on the street. He looked really in need and begged us for at least a dollar. I didn’t pay attention but I think he tugged at the “leader” of the group’s jacket. Big mistake. He starts fuming talking about the brand and price of the jacket and convinces the others to make him pay. They all the beat the homeless man and cripple him.
That sight ruined me and still haunts me, safe to say I cleaned my hands, became sober and was never a part of that group again.
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22points