You can say a relationship is like a house of cards. It can take one small thing to make everything crumble down in an instant.
In the case of these individuals, a single statement or action was all it took to make them realize they might be with the wrong person. As you read through these stories, you may understand why these were major dealbreakers.
Many of you readers have likely experienced something similar. Feel free to share your own anecdotes below!
#1
"I have like 20 credit cards and most are maxed out, it's fine though I'll get my husband to eventually pay them off for me or I can file for bankruptcy and get new ones."
When I tell you I RAN, GOOD LORD I RAN.
Reivaki:
I would have passed the sound barrier before passing the door, personally.
AFB27:
It's so nuts to me regarding the number of people who have this mentality. It's honestly alarming.
When I tell you I RAN, GOOD LORD I RAN.
Reivaki:
I would have passed the sound barrier before passing the door, personally.
AFB27:
It's so nuts to me regarding the number of people who have this mentality. It's honestly alarming.
46points
#2
My dad died in 2000 and a friend of mine brought over a tray of food to my family. We were friends, but not close enough to where we knew each other's phone numbers or addresses. It was a complete surprise to see her. She just heard about it and looked for something to do to help. Months later, I realized it was something my girlfriend would never do.
I started dating the food tray girl about 15 months later and married her.
I started dating the food tray girl about 15 months later and married her.
46points
#3
It actually wasn't what she said, but what my dad said. After a stupid fight at the end of a very a*****e relationship, I was venting to my friend and my dad, telling them how she had called me pathetic because I asked her to stop calling me fat. She laughed, and I hung up. My dad looks up and says, "How could you let anyone treat you that way?" I knew then, and there it was over.
Newbionic:
That’s parenting the right way. He didn’t tell you what to think or do. He let you make your own discoveries.
Newbionic:
That’s parenting the right way. He didn’t tell you what to think or do. He let you make your own discoveries.
42points
We had the opportunity to speak with some relationship experts who shared some of the most absurd reasons couples give for breaking up. Author and communications expert Chloe Ballatore once had a client who started a fight because her boyfriend dropped by unexpectedly with dessert.
The woman was supposedly upset that her partner came by without calling because she hadn’t had the opportunity to put on makeup. The couple eventually broke up because the man felt his efforts were never enough and were often met with criticism.
#4
When her son told me that earlier in the morning before school, his mom looked at him and said “I really miss when it was just us two”.
A month later we were done, but hearing that phrase specifically, after basically raising him without his father in the picture, and literally taking care of him day to day, I knew in that moment she would never be my wife after saying something like that.
Boomshrooom:
Sounds like she's gonna have a very unhealthy relationship with her son.
Can-Chas3r43:
I dated the son of a woman like this, and can confirm.
You are doing your children no favors by being this woman. (Or the dads that are absolutely obsessed with their relationships with their daughters and not allowing them to live.) Both are cringe.
A month later we were done, but hearing that phrase specifically, after basically raising him without his father in the picture, and literally taking care of him day to day, I knew in that moment she would never be my wife after saying something like that.
Boomshrooom:
Sounds like she's gonna have a very unhealthy relationship with her son.
Can-Chas3r43:
I dated the son of a woman like this, and can confirm.
You are doing your children no favors by being this woman. (Or the dads that are absolutely obsessed with their relationships with their daughters and not allowing them to live.) Both are cringe.
Report
37points
#5
"I feel like you're not making me your priority."
(3 days after my mom died).
(3 days after my mom died).
34points
#6
When he pushed me off of the air mattress while camping, took all my blankets and kicked me in the face for trying to take a blanket back.
When I told him in the morning to see if he remembered he asked me, "do you have any marks from me kicking you?", which I did, and he told me that couldn't have been from him.
I left him at the campground.
When I told him in the morning to see if he remembered he asked me, "do you have any marks from me kicking you?", which I did, and he told me that couldn't have been from him.
I left him at the campground.
32points
Clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Manly once worked with a client who ended her 15-month relationship because her partner had adopted a pet lizard. However, she is pinning the fault more on the partner for ignoring the woman’s needs, specifically her aversion to reptiles.
“When one partner’s rigidity doesn’t make space for another partner’s preferences, control issues tend to manifest,” Dr. Manly told Bored Panda.
#7
“ I want my husband to make my life simple , wake up and spend money and do whatever I want.”
Woman.. you want a sponsorship not a relationship… 🙃.
Anon:
She's a Sugar Baby in denial. There's a lot of those these days. Usually they're the women who are upset that women can work and vote.
Woman.. you want a sponsorship not a relationship… 🙃.
Anon:
She's a Sugar Baby in denial. There's a lot of those these days. Usually they're the women who are upset that women can work and vote.
30points
#8
Idk if I can quote it directly but she was living with her mum and paying the rent because her mum had lost her job. I think she'd been living with her since breaking up with her ex a few months earlier. Anyway, she spoke about her mum as a callous landlord might talk about a nuisance tenant. She followed this up by talking to her mum like she was s**t on her shoe. Now I realise parents are different when there's no company around, but this woman was like a fragile anxiety case at a difficult point in her life. Her daughter on the other hand had a secure job, was living the life she wanted, very headstrong in all ways, etc.
I don't know. It all just got my back up. Couple weeks before I'd been telling my mate that this girl was changing my life, that I was feeling happy first in ages.
Witnessing her treatment of her mum and how she spoke about her, on multiple occasions, just told me get away from her and pray for her mum.
I don't know. It all just got my back up. Couple weeks before I'd been telling my mate that this girl was changing my life, that I was feeling happy first in ages.
Witnessing her treatment of her mum and how she spoke about her, on multiple occasions, just told me get away from her and pray for her mum.
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30points
#9
She argued with me over the cost of the ring. It was just an open discussion and the fact that the price meant so much to her made me nope tf out.
wantsoutofthefog:
Ex gf said the ring has to be $50k and we had to have a 500k house lined up. This was 2010. I was like, “seems like we’re not getting married”
VatooBerrataNicktoo:
I love that over the years men are seeing and acting on red flags.
wantsoutofthefog:
Ex gf said the ring has to be $50k and we had to have a 500k house lined up. This was 2010. I was like, “seems like we’re not getting married”
VatooBerrataNicktoo:
I love that over the years men are seeing and acting on red flags.
30points
Queensland-based clinical psychologist Dr. Katie Kjelsaas went on to explain that the most inexplicable reasons for breaking up often have a reason tied to deeply held values and beliefs. As she stated, “One person’s ‘absurd’ is another’s dealbreaker.”
As she has seen with clients who broke up because of vaccination statuses, attitude to pets, or feelings about a hobby, it has always been about the deeper meaning they hold for the person in question.
“Respecting others’ beliefs and values - even when we don’t share them - supports healthy relationships and contributes to a free and fair society,” Dr. Kjelsaas explained.
#10
"I don't care about your problems, you're a man, act like it".
We were dating for 2 months, she was already talking about marriage and kids, I told her to slow down: I was out of a 2 years long a*****e relationship and even tough I was really into her and had the intention of building a lasting relationship with her, I needed to build trust at a slower pace.
My next message was literally "Okay we're done. Best of luck in life" and I never saw her again.
Now I found the one and we're doing great!
ElHuevoCosmic:
Man I love when issues solve themselves. She saved you the trouble of leaving her.
GuillaumeAzkoaga (OP):
Oh no, I was the one typing that message. I left her on the spot, don't give her credit for that :D My heart was racing as I sent the message but damn it felt good afterwards. I wasn't having any of that.
We were dating for 2 months, she was already talking about marriage and kids, I told her to slow down: I was out of a 2 years long a*****e relationship and even tough I was really into her and had the intention of building a lasting relationship with her, I needed to build trust at a slower pace.
My next message was literally "Okay we're done. Best of luck in life" and I never saw her again.
Now I found the one and we're doing great!
ElHuevoCosmic:
Man I love when issues solve themselves. She saved you the trouble of leaving her.
GuillaumeAzkoaga (OP):
Oh no, I was the one typing that message. I left her on the spot, don't give her credit for that :D My heart was racing as I sent the message but damn it felt good afterwards. I wasn't having any of that.
28points
#11
My father's stage-four cancer had come out of remission, and this girl I was seeing told someone else (inside my earshot, and she knew that) that people who do bad things get diseases out of 'karma'. With hours of me telling her that was what was bothering me that day, so there's no excuses. (When I tell this story, for some reason, people come out of the woodwork to make excuses for her, which tells me more about *them* than anything else.)
On a much more casual level, I once kind of liked a girl until she told me that (because "men are useless") her actual *plan* was to get pregnant off a guy and then break up with him so that she could be a single mother. I found someone else to like.
One time I was dating a woman who, when she heard I was heading up to the nearest city for something I needed to do, invited herself along. When I showed up early (as agreed, so we could make a fun day of it), she took *five hours* to get ready. Then she wanted to go to an expensive vegan restaurant (she wasn't vegan, it was the 'expensive' part), expected I would know how to get there (this was before Google Maps, and I didn't even know the *name* of the restaurant!), when I finally found it, it had closed because of a blizzard and we ended up having to eat at a Wendy's across the parking lot. I have never seen anyone angrily nibble on an apple before. That wasn't one thing, but she was an absolute feast of warning signs I didn't see because I was trying so hard to 'be a good boyfriend'.
These things went in order, btw, so when I say I "retired for a while" because this was the caliber of person I was somehow attracting, you can see what I mean.
priscillu:
I personally don’t think we only attract certain types of people. We just allow them to stay in at too long in our lives. Ppl will come and go in our path, and it’s up to us to decide who stays.
On a much more casual level, I once kind of liked a girl until she told me that (because "men are useless") her actual *plan* was to get pregnant off a guy and then break up with him so that she could be a single mother. I found someone else to like.
One time I was dating a woman who, when she heard I was heading up to the nearest city for something I needed to do, invited herself along. When I showed up early (as agreed, so we could make a fun day of it), she took *five hours* to get ready. Then she wanted to go to an expensive vegan restaurant (she wasn't vegan, it was the 'expensive' part), expected I would know how to get there (this was before Google Maps, and I didn't even know the *name* of the restaurant!), when I finally found it, it had closed because of a blizzard and we ended up having to eat at a Wendy's across the parking lot. I have never seen anyone angrily nibble on an apple before. That wasn't one thing, but she was an absolute feast of warning signs I didn't see because I was trying so hard to 'be a good boyfriend'.
These things went in order, btw, so when I say I "retired for a while" because this was the caliber of person I was somehow attracting, you can see what I mean.
priscillu:
I personally don’t think we only attract certain types of people. We just allow them to stay in at too long in our lives. Ppl will come and go in our path, and it’s up to us to decide who stays.
26points
#12
I watched my ex steal from Walmart. We were not well off but we had enough money to go out occasionally. When I caught her she said it was like a game and gave me excuses as to why it doesn't matter because it's a big company. It got worse when I caught her stealing from local places as well. I know some people think it's fine but it really rubbed me the wrong way. You can't trust a thief.
NyaNyaOctopussyQWQ:
Sounds like kleptomania to me.
numbersev:
She likely stole from you as well. They don't really discriminate, just monkey see monkey want.
Mung-Daal6969:
Oof I get it man. I’m probably really pretentious but I consider myself a morally sound character and I hate corporations as much as the next guy but to me the worst kind of people are the ones that knowingly skip an item or two at the self checkout but claim to be good people.
NyaNyaOctopussyQWQ:
Sounds like kleptomania to me.
numbersev:
She likely stole from you as well. They don't really discriminate, just monkey see monkey want.
Mung-Daal6969:
Oof I get it man. I’m probably really pretentious but I consider myself a morally sound character and I hate corporations as much as the next guy but to me the worst kind of people are the ones that knowingly skip an item or two at the self checkout but claim to be good people.
25points
That then raises an important question: is a relationship worth continuing if one person has done something deemed a “dealbreaker”? For Gottman-certified couples counselor Rebecca E. Tenzer, it all boils down to the level of commitment.
“I believe that most relationships are salvageable if both people are genuinely committed to healing and are willing to do the work, especially with professional guidance,” she said, adding that it is up to the person to decide what is worth fighting for and what isn’t.
#13
We both work, relatively equal time/ effort, etc and we own separate houses. She spends most of her off work time at my place. I was doing all the cooking, dishes, the laundry, vacuuming, trash, etc, but I was getting really burned out. I got frustrated and told her I couldn't do it all, it wasn't fair, and I needed help and partnership. I told her I shouldn't have to ask her to do some of these things, that we are both adults and can see when the dishes need doing or laundry is piling up.
She said "you just want a house wife"...
As if she did a single solitary house wife thing ever. Marriage? LOL no.
Imdatingstaceysmom:
I feel like I'm seeing this more and more. Many women (not all women) are taking the movement of 'women don't need to be housewives' so far in the other direction that they don't help with much at all.
woahbrad35 (OP):
It's honestly become a red flag for me if they can't or won't cook. It's a real marker for the effort they'll put into that boring s**t nobody wants to do but still needs to be done. I mean, it isn't a requirement to cook every day, eating out is fine, and I don't mind splitting tasks since I feel like that's the point of moving forward in relationships, but to sit there, look at a full sink of dishes where half were yours and then ignore it week after week? I already raised a kid, I'm not out to raise a grown adult.
She said "you just want a house wife"...
As if she did a single solitary house wife thing ever. Marriage? LOL no.
Imdatingstaceysmom:
I feel like I'm seeing this more and more. Many women (not all women) are taking the movement of 'women don't need to be housewives' so far in the other direction that they don't help with much at all.
woahbrad35 (OP):
It's honestly become a red flag for me if they can't or won't cook. It's a real marker for the effort they'll put into that boring s**t nobody wants to do but still needs to be done. I mean, it isn't a requirement to cook every day, eating out is fine, and I don't mind splitting tasks since I feel like that's the point of moving forward in relationships, but to sit there, look at a full sink of dishes where half were yours and then ignore it week after week? I already raised a kid, I'm not out to raise a grown adult.
25points
#14
“A man is not a real man unless he pays and provides for his woman’s every need” nope.
25points
#15
She told me I need my man to pay all my bills, I get turned on when my man pays my bills. My money is my money and your money is my money. My mom has 4 kids by 4 different guys. Mom had affairs with married men. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree with this one, I RAN like Forest Gump.
24points
For Dr. Kjelsaas, continuing a relationship would depend on the erring individual’s responsiveness to the issue. Are they accepting or acknowledging their actions? Are they willing to seek reconciliation or compromise?
If the answer is yes to all questions, continuing the relationship may be considered. Otherwise, it would be best to move on.
#16
I asked if I could kiss her after a date. She went on a long rant about how unromantic that was and how I was cheesy and ruined the moment.
Arite then bye.
Arite then bye.
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24points
#17
My first girlfriend and I were long distance. It is not exaggeration to say that literally every cent of my disposable income was spent on her in some way, shape, or form. Trips down to where she lived, hotels to stay in during said trips, gifts, vacations, restaurants--I didn't make that much money, but I spent literally all of it on her.
So, on one weekend during that first year together, I had, as usual, taken a trip down to see her. Now, I'll be honest: I was completely spent. I had nothing more than my earthly possessions, a bus ticket home, and the irresponsibility of a 22-year-old man that makes all this possible. I knew that until payday, which was four days away, I would be limited to the food I had at home, which if I recall correctly, was a loaf of bread and some rice.
On Sunday night of that weekend, my girlfriend wanted to go out to dinner. So I was honest with her. I told her I didn't have any money. She told me that she'd pay.
So, as we were having dinner at some family restaurant, she seemed distant. I asked her what was wrong. She said "nothing." When I pushed, finally she opened up: "Mayumi (her best friend) has a boyfriend, right? I was talking to her the other day, and she told me that whenever they went on a date, he would always pay. I feel really guilty for this, but I was kind of jealous at the time."
I stared at her for a few seconds to process her words. Remember, this was a woman whom I had spent virtually every cent of my money on visiting and pampering. We had gone to a VERY nice restaurant the weekend before, which I paid for. 95% of all our trips were paid for in full by me. And she was talking about her friend's boyfriend who lived 10 minutes away paying for everything.
She was a s****y girlfriend in general, but that was just the final nail in the coffin for me. Whether I knew it at the time or not, that was the exact moment I had mentally checked out of the relationship.
So, on one weekend during that first year together, I had, as usual, taken a trip down to see her. Now, I'll be honest: I was completely spent. I had nothing more than my earthly possessions, a bus ticket home, and the irresponsibility of a 22-year-old man that makes all this possible. I knew that until payday, which was four days away, I would be limited to the food I had at home, which if I recall correctly, was a loaf of bread and some rice.
On Sunday night of that weekend, my girlfriend wanted to go out to dinner. So I was honest with her. I told her I didn't have any money. She told me that she'd pay.
So, as we were having dinner at some family restaurant, she seemed distant. I asked her what was wrong. She said "nothing." When I pushed, finally she opened up: "Mayumi (her best friend) has a boyfriend, right? I was talking to her the other day, and she told me that whenever they went on a date, he would always pay. I feel really guilty for this, but I was kind of jealous at the time."
I stared at her for a few seconds to process her words. Remember, this was a woman whom I had spent virtually every cent of my money on visiting and pampering. We had gone to a VERY nice restaurant the weekend before, which I paid for. 95% of all our trips were paid for in full by me. And she was talking about her friend's boyfriend who lived 10 minutes away paying for everything.
She was a s****y girlfriend in general, but that was just the final nail in the coffin for me. Whether I knew it at the time or not, that was the exact moment I had mentally checked out of the relationship.
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20points
#18
"You're a pathetic excuse for a man. I f*****g hate you."
We'd been going through a rough patch for a few months but had been together for 11 years. She was drunk and angry and it came out. She didn't remember saying it and we never talked about it. TBH this is the first time I've actually said or typed those words out. That was over 5 years ago but it still hurts like hell. I called it off a few months later.
She'd never said anything that hurtful to me before but those words came from somewhere. I just couldn't get over them.
We'd been going through a rough patch for a few months but had been together for 11 years. She was drunk and angry and it came out. She didn't remember saying it and we never talked about it. TBH this is the first time I've actually said or typed those words out. That was over 5 years ago but it still hurts like hell. I called it off a few months later.
She'd never said anything that hurtful to me before but those words came from somewhere. I just couldn't get over them.
Report
20points
Choosing to continue being with a person who has one of your dealbreakers can be challenging. But according to Dr. Manly, couples can overcome these challenges if they have a healthy relationship.
However, she also mentioned three non-negotiables to make things work: honesty, healthy communication, and accountability.
“When their overall relationship and level of commitment are high, I’ve seen couples overcome huge dealbreaker issues,” Dr. Manly noted.
#19
My ex fiance, this was years ago, I had a cr**py car, so after the engagement (middle east) so there's a ceremony, party, gold, lots of expenses, I decided to get a better car, two weeks in I crashed it and had to pay a lot to fix it. I felt tight on money and sadly I opened up to her, she started sobbing and said she never imagined she would marry a broke guy. I wasn't broke, I just spent a big portion of my savings on the engagement and a car so that my old one doesn't break down on dates.
Something in me shattered that day, and I never saw her the same, things just kept going downhill and I broke up the engagement 6 months before the wedding. I had gotten back to my old savings levels during this period.
Something in me shattered that day, and I never saw her the same, things just kept going downhill and I broke up the engagement 6 months before the wedding. I had gotten back to my old savings levels during this period.
20points
#20
“I’m checking to see if our star signs are compatible.”
fretnbel:
After my ex broke up I found out she was googling astrology compatibility between her and the guy she was eyeing. Still baffles me how someone can put any value in that.
Fast forward 8 months later and she's crying at my door unannounced.
MikeyBGeek:
I had someone turn me down because I was a Sagittarius. And my ex kept saying she didn't care if our "signs don't work out." Never again will I have patience for horoscope bullc**p.
fretnbel:
After my ex broke up I found out she was googling astrology compatibility between her and the guy she was eyeing. Still baffles me how someone can put any value in that.
Fast forward 8 months later and she's crying at my door unannounced.
MikeyBGeek:
I had someone turn me down because I was a Sagittarius. And my ex kept saying she didn't care if our "signs don't work out." Never again will I have patience for horoscope bullc**p.
20points
For Tenzer, it’s all about having the desire to show up consistently while putting yourself in a vulnerable position to own up to the mistake and not be defensive.
“Healing takes transparency, emotional safety, and a shared willingness to grow,” she said. “Not just individually, but together as a unit. If you’re both all in, there’s a path forward.”