People Who Regret Their Original Plan Of Being Nice And Working Really Hard Share When It Hit Them That This Wouldn’t Work (30 Answers)

In a perfect world, hard work and kindness would be rewarded with equal amounts of rewards and acknowledgement. Our culture, however, tends to push the idea that being nice is a weakness, and cutthroat business practices are encouraged. To hear a little more about what inspired this conversation on Reddit in the first place, we reached out to OwOKronii to hear why this tweet resonated with him.

“Seeing how society treats the average person, whether, in school or work, I think this post has shined some light on the issue,” he told us. We also asked him if he thinks working hard and being kind are worth it if they’re not rewarded or acknowledged. He remains optimistic, telling us, “I believe working hard enough for your satisfaction is always worth it, even if others do not necessarily acknowledge it.”

Next, we asked OwOKronii if he has ever been discouraged from working hard after being ignored or taken advantage of. “In a way, I would say I have been discouraged before,” he told us. “I feel like everyone has been disillusioned from believing working hard will achieve great things,” he continued. “But what's important to me is not disappointing yourself.”

He makes a good point, acknowledging that it's more important to not disappoint yourself than to not disappoint others. Who cares what anybody else thinks anyway? But time and time again, we are told that hard work is responsible for our successes, and our shortcomings are blamed on not working hard enough.

Zoe Beaty at Refinery29 realized that this idea is outdated, so she sought to update readers' mindsets on it in her piece, ‘Work Hard & You’ll Succeed’ Simply Isn’t True, So Let’s Stop Saying It. She explains how oversimplifying the idea that hard work equals success can be insulting, and even harmful, because not everyone has had the same opportunities in life. As life coach Harriet Minter says, “The whole 'we have the same 24 hours as Beyoncé' thing is, for want of a better word, bollocks. We don’t all enter the workplace on the same playing field. While we continue to live and work in a society that favors white, middle class, straight, cisgendered, able-bodied, thin people, this mantra can only truly apply to the few.” People like Donald Trump might see hard work as the reason for their success, as he made clear many times on Twitter and in speeches, but it’s much more nuanced than that. There are always contributing factors making some people need to work much harder than others.

“Hard work alone cannot override a gender pay gap and it can't prevent unconscious bias from filling offices with people who all look (and likely speak) the same,” Zoe says in her article. She also spoke to Arnie Puntis, a physiotherapist for the NHS who didn’t even realize until a few years ago that she may have faced discrimination. “I’d always worked hard – before I had kids I would frequently stay late, take on extra work and make sure I was doing the absolute best I could,” Arnie said. “But looking back, I was the only Asian in my physio school. Comments that I 'speak well', I think, differentiated me; colleagues assumed that I’d been privately educated and treated me as such. Previous employers have said things to me like 'you’re basically white' as though I should be pleased with that. I’m not – I’m brown. If I hadn't been 'accepted' as 'one of them', would my hard work have been rewarded so willingly?”

Rachel Simmons at the New York Times also addressed the issue of knowing what to tell our kids when they still fail, despite being told hard work would inevitably lead to success. She explains that the issue with feeling responsible for our successes is that it can make our downfalls feel devastating. We blame ourselves for doing something wrong, rather than realizing something outside of our control might have happened. There is also the idea of “cruel optimism”, a term that University of Chicago Professor Lauren Berlant coined for “when the pursuit of a goal actually harms you because it is largely unachievable”. Rachel goes on to explain that we shouldn’t discourage our kids from doing their best, but instilling the belief in them that if they work hard enough they can achieve anything is not really in their best interest either. Sometimes, life just happens, and we shouldn’t take it personally.

But just because hard work and kindness aren’t always rewarded, doesn’t mean that we should give up on them altogether. In fact, there are plenty of reasons we should still aim to be nice, including how it can benefit our health. Acts of kindness can boost our serotonin levels and release endorphins. So if you’re considering bringing your coworker a cup of coffee spontaneously, remember that it’ll probably make their day and yours better. According to a study on happiness from the University of British Columbia, participating in acts of kindness can also ease anxiety by increasing the participant's positive affect, or how they experience positive moods. Similarly, prosocial behaviors, or actions “intended to help others” have been found to reduce stress. When we step outside of ourselves and focus on doing something nice for someone else, our stressors tend to shrink.

Dr. Amra Rao, a Consultant Clinical Psychologist, wrote about the psychological benefits of being kind for The British Psychological Society, and she mentioned the importance of remembering to show kindness to ourselves as well. The more self-compassion we have, the more compassion we can have for others. We must not be too critical of ourselves, instead we should try to understand what we are feeling and experiencing. When we are more gentle with ourselves, we can see the same reductions of anxiety and stress as when we help others, and we will be in a much better place to strengthen our bonds and relationships. It's a beautiful cycle of kindness leading to positive affects that make us want to continue showing kindness.