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Humans naturally admire role models, mentors, and public figures because they embody qualities we aspire to, such as resilience, creativity, or moral integrity. As clinical psychologist Cody Thomas explains, this admiration provides inspiration, motivation, and a benchmark for self-improvement, often activating reward centers in the brain.
We frequently idealize these figures, overestimating their strengths as a way to protect ourselves from feelings of inadequacy or loneliness. By projecting our desired traits onto them, we create an almost flawless image that boosts our self-esteem. However, when reality reveals their imperfections, that carefully built image can collapse, leaving us shocked, disappointed, or even betrayed.
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Only near the time of his passing in the late 2000s did I find out about his bad side. Things like how he decided to forsake his own daughter, how he used to park in the handicap spaces at Apple buildings (plus how he always bought a new car every 6 months so that he could take advantage of a legal loophole where he didn't have to put license plates on his car), and how he went around espousing lies that eating lots of nuts and doing cleanses could cure people of cancer. (That latter one eventually did him in.) I know that "visionaries" are complicated people like the rest of us, but boy was he a special kind of jerk.
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This emotional crash is rooted in cognitive dissonance, the mental discomfort we feel when our beliefs about someone conflict with evidence to the contrary. As noted by Psychology Today, admiration often serves as a psychological anchor for self-worth, so when a once-idealized figure displays flaws, the tension between "they are flawless" and "They have serious flaws" disrupts emotional stability.
The brain seeks consistency, prompting rationalizations or denial to reduce discomfort. Over-idealization amplifies this effect, creating fragile mental models that collapse under contradictory evidence, which can lead to confusion, self-doubt, or anxiety when expectations go unmet.
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When he came out as an anti-vaxxer during COVID, I thought it couldn't get worse... and then it did. Him being an anti-vaxxer is the least of his problems.
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Our judgments of others are also filtered through ethical, moral, and cultural standards. Simply Psychology explains that people instinctively evaluate character based on trustworthiness, integrity, and adherence to group norms. Even extraordinary talent or charisma cannot compensate for perceived moral failings, because ethical breaches, like hypocrisy, dishonesty, or harm, trigger strong emotional responses such as disgust or contempt.
Cultural context and in-group dynamics can heighten this scrutiny, making deviations feel like a threat to shared values. Cognitive dissonance intensifies this process, forcing admirers to reconcile the "talented hero" with the "immoral actor", often resulting in a complete withdrawal of respect to protect one’s self-concept.
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Boy was I wrong.
Left his place in history on the altar of shitler.
Yet, disillusionment isn’t always entirely negative. According to Reserve Optimism, losing respect for someone we once admired often prompts deep self-reflection. Individuals replay events, question the projections they placed onto the admired figure, and recognize personal insecurities that may have fueled their idealization.
This process often follows stages of anger, grief, and eventual acceptance, helping people reconcile conflicting beliefs. Many report emerging from the experience with greater clarity, acknowledging overlooked red flags and establishing firmer standards for future admiration. In this way, losing respect, even when painful or frustrating, can become a powerful opportunity for personal growth and self-awareness.
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When a friend of mine who worked at the BBC first told me the rumours I didn’t believe her, a few years later of course we all knew. He wasn’t as bad as Savile but in a way that was worse because I always found Savile creepy.
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At the end if the day, losing respect for someone you once admired is a window into human expectations, behavior, and sometimes just how wildly people can surprise you. Whether it was a betrayal, a shocking opinion, or just an eye-roll, worthy moment, these experiences remind us that admiration is fragile and perspective is everything.
Everyone’s threshold for disappointment is different, and the reasons we lose respect can be as varied as the people we once looked up to. Some moments make us laugh, some make us shake our heads, and others stick with us as cautionary tales. Keep reading to dive into these stories, some ridiculous, some revelatory, and see why admiration isn’t always forever.
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