There's a lot of inertia in our lives, and it can keep us moving in the same direction even after that path stops making sense. Whether because of our own mistakes or circumstances outside our control, we can end up stuck in a terrible situation, just going through the motions while the fire inside us slowly dies down. The idea of starting over often seems terrifying, but at a certain point, reinventing yourself might be the only way to survive. A few days ago, Reddit user GirlAvoider asked people who left it all behind why and how they did it. Here are some of the most memorable stories they’ve received.
#21
I have done this twice. Once when I left the high control religious group I grew up in. I was 27 and lost everyone who loved me and knew me. I made some less than stellar choices. I also went to college (now have 2 master degrees!) I met new friends, got married, divorced and married again (to the absolute love of mynlife), had kids. I am 54 now so that was a lifetime ago. iI remeber being scared, basically going into hiding so I wouldn't get excommunicated and could still talk to my parents. It all seems like so long ago and I marvel that I had the guts to do that. My life is so much better in so many ways because I was courageous enough to risk everything.
Most recently, 2 1/2 years ago, we (husband, 2 of 4 kids (the other 2 are adults, 1 was in college and has since moved with is, the other left a couple years before to PA for work) and 2 cats) moved from AZ where I was born to RI. Starting over in your 50s is hard but I love it. I live near the ocean and say all the time "how is this my life?" Professionally, I am doing well and my family is thriving.
Both situations were hard for different reasons. I will forever be grateful that I managed to finish a bachelor's degree at 36. I started working on it at 32 when I had a 3 yr old and 18 month old. But I did it and that taught me I could do anything. I was the 1st person in all my extended family who went to college and my 2 adult children have also finished college.. My degree changed the trajectory of my family. And it never would have happened if I stayed in that religion.
Most recently, 2 1/2 years ago, we (husband, 2 of 4 kids (the other 2 are adults, 1 was in college and has since moved with is, the other left a couple years before to PA for work) and 2 cats) moved from AZ where I was born to RI. Starting over in your 50s is hard but I love it. I live near the ocean and say all the time "how is this my life?" Professionally, I am doing well and my family is thriving.
Both situations were hard for different reasons. I will forever be grateful that I managed to finish a bachelor's degree at 36. I started working on it at 32 when I had a 3 yr old and 18 month old. But I did it and that taught me I could do anything. I was the 1st person in all my extended family who went to college and my 2 adult children have also finished college.. My degree changed the trajectory of my family. And it never would have happened if I stayed in that religion.
11points
#22
I left Canada and moved to Japan because I felt like I just didn't fit in with the suburban lifestyle. Since I've gotten here I have more friends than I've ever had, 10x the opportunities, met my new partner from Australia and run a business together. Sometimes, your environment is the biggest hindrance to your growth.
I do miss my family, wish I could see them more, but that's it.
I do miss my family, wish I could see them more, but that's it.
11points
#23
I've had to start over several times in my life.
Once when I left my home town. I had next to nothing and had to sleep on a give away mattress in a bare room.
Then it happened again when the pandemic hit and I had to leave my then current living space with nothing but two garbage bags full of some clothes and nothing else. Not even those few thousand in the bank.
Then once the pandemic clear, I again, had to start over with nothing and throw out everything except a different mattress I got from target. Again with very little money.
How did I do it? Skipping meals and desperately searching for work and just taking what I could get with a large sprinkling of insane luck and timing. Had any little thing gone sour in those times, like an injury, or not getting a job, or my friend not lending me money, I would probably be dead.
It is insane how lucky I got at times. There were times I was quite literally days from being homeless.
Do I have regrets? yes I do, I lost some friends in those years that I wish I could talk to again, but I can't turn back the clock.
I'm in a really good place now with a job I love and a career path I'm looking forward too.
Once when I left my home town. I had next to nothing and had to sleep on a give away mattress in a bare room.
Then it happened again when the pandemic hit and I had to leave my then current living space with nothing but two garbage bags full of some clothes and nothing else. Not even those few thousand in the bank.
Then once the pandemic clear, I again, had to start over with nothing and throw out everything except a different mattress I got from target. Again with very little money.
How did I do it? Skipping meals and desperately searching for work and just taking what I could get with a large sprinkling of insane luck and timing. Had any little thing gone sour in those times, like an injury, or not getting a job, or my friend not lending me money, I would probably be dead.
It is insane how lucky I got at times. There were times I was quite literally days from being homeless.
Do I have regrets? yes I do, I lost some friends in those years that I wish I could talk to again, but I can't turn back the clock.
I'm in a really good place now with a job I love and a career path I'm looking forward too.
10points
#24
I've been considering burning everything left of my previous life and disappearing across the country within the next couple of years. Name change and all. Complete fresh start.
Im 3/4ths of the way there now. Most connections severed. But there are a few I dont want to lose, that mean so much to me. Yet I feel to live my most true authentic life, I can't have anyone left to know my deepest darkest secret. Those who will always see me through that twisted false lense of what never should have been.
I just want to feel normal and they all make me feel everything but that.
Im 3/4ths of the way there now. Most connections severed. But there are a few I dont want to lose, that mean so much to me. Yet I feel to live my most true authentic life, I can't have anyone left to know my deepest darkest secret. Those who will always see me through that twisted false lense of what never should have been.
I just want to feel normal and they all make me feel everything but that.
10points
#25
I joined the Army out of high school. My home life and family sucked for the most part — probably would have never looked back — except I fell in love with a girl right before leaving. We ended up having a whirlwind long distance romance. Daily letter writing during basic. Frequent trips to her or her to me. We got married before I deployed. Marriage collapses under the weight of impossible odds.
I return home from the war after four or five life altering traumas and a really sad breakup. I have one year left in the Army and I decide to sow my wild oats and have my wild college experience now that I was single. Then I meet a female airmen, who has combat experience and is also neuro-divergent. She is basically a female version of me.
I plan to keep it casual with her — but I am a romantic guy and I fell in love again. Immediately. My gay friend at work says that I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body… I guess because i move in with women on the second date or something.
When I got out of the Army at 21. I decided to stick around the area, despite having no ties to the area other than her. Then when she PCS’d a couple years later, we got married and I became her dependent. Spent some time in an overseas military base bartending at the enlisted club.
I met my wife at 21 and I’m now 39. I’ve spent half my life with her and I have plenty of regrets — but that ain’t one of them.
If I could tell you one fact about us to illustrate how and why we work — we have been married for fifteen years and she still has her maiden name. Not because of feminism, but executive dysfunction. She had intended to take my name, but just never did it and I don’t blame her. It seems like a real pain in the neck.
I return home from the war after four or five life altering traumas and a really sad breakup. I have one year left in the Army and I decide to sow my wild oats and have my wild college experience now that I was single. Then I meet a female airmen, who has combat experience and is also neuro-divergent. She is basically a female version of me.
I plan to keep it casual with her — but I am a romantic guy and I fell in love again. Immediately. My gay friend at work says that I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body… I guess because i move in with women on the second date or something.
When I got out of the Army at 21. I decided to stick around the area, despite having no ties to the area other than her. Then when she PCS’d a couple years later, we got married and I became her dependent. Spent some time in an overseas military base bartending at the enlisted club.
I met my wife at 21 and I’m now 39. I’ve spent half my life with her and I have plenty of regrets — but that ain’t one of them.
If I could tell you one fact about us to illustrate how and why we work — we have been married for fifteen years and she still has her maiden name. Not because of feminism, but executive dysfunction. She had intended to take my name, but just never did it and I don’t blame her. It seems like a real pain in the neck.
10points
#26
Emigrated by accident. Moved to Melbourne ‘for a year’ and never went back. Been 20 years now. House, two Australian kids. Happy to be here every day. I still have stuff in boxes in friends lofts and garages….
9points
#27
Worked a job I hated, lived with volatile people who I was in a weird uncomfortable FWB "relationship" with. Hated it but saw no way out, and every plausible way out failed. Met my now partner in a niche twitter RP group, became really good friends, wound up falling in love.
After meeting in person twice over the span of about a year and a half, decided to move in with them. They flew to Alabama and I drove with them and my 2 year old doggie (rest in peace Chance) all the way to California in a 5 day road trip.
Happily married for 8 years this March! Have a lovely home with a big yard, two dogs, a cat, and multiple stray cat friends who we feed and shelter. Have a job I love, and my circle has become a lowercase o. Couldn't be happier leaving so much of the toxicity of Alabama behind. No regrets!
After meeting in person twice over the span of about a year and a half, decided to move in with them. They flew to Alabama and I drove with them and my 2 year old doggie (rest in peace Chance) all the way to California in a 5 day road trip.
Happily married for 8 years this March! Have a lovely home with a big yard, two dogs, a cat, and multiple stray cat friends who we feed and shelter. Have a job I love, and my circle has become a lowercase o. Couldn't be happier leaving so much of the toxicity of Alabama behind. No regrets!
9points
#28
Kind of in the middle of it right now - unexpectedly quit my job in may and moved to Europe. If I told myself at the beginning of the year all that’s happened in 2025 she’d probably pass out from shock - it wasn’t even on my radar to move continents in my lifetime, let alone this year. I did it by sheer determination, and by putting myself and my wants above what society tells us to value. I decided I didn’t want the fancy career - I just wanted to be happy and live a slower pace of life.
Is it worth it? It’s a question I ask myself daily 😂 picking up everything and starting over in a place where no one knows you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m very aware of the fact that I’m living a different kind of life from my friends back home. But it’s also so rewarding. Again, it’s one of those things where I’m in the middle of it, so ask me in a year or two once I’ve fully settled in haha!
Is it worth it? It’s a question I ask myself daily 😂 picking up everything and starting over in a place where no one knows you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m very aware of the fact that I’m living a different kind of life from my friends back home. But it’s also so rewarding. Again, it’s one of those things where I’m in the middle of it, so ask me in a year or two once I’ve fully settled in haha!
8points
#29
Unhappy in my relationship and marriage from 21-31. Knew I shouldn’t get married to this person but did it anyway thinking things would get better. Lots of sunk cost fallacy. Not a bad guy, just a terrible match and too immature to figure out how to get out of it gracefully on both our parts. Lots of toxicity on both sides It was a mess and I wasn’t the best person in this relationship, either. Had an ectopic pregnancy and was just drowning in not being able to find a path.
Went on a work trip to Madrid right before covid, met an incredible person that lived in another state who was attending this international meeting. Nothing happened but I knew that I needed to exit to explore other options, it was my final push.
Left and moved to the other state. I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t physically move and rip the bandaid off when I had the courage. Didn’t tell anyone, just ended it and got in my car and drove away.
That was 5 years ago, today I have a 2 week old baby and I’m the happiest and most well adjusted I’ve ever been in my life. My ex partner is also getting remarried and seems MUCH happier in his new life.
Other bonus fact: the man I ended up with and I are 29 years apart and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. It seems weird to many, but that baby and my partner were worth every risk.
Went on a work trip to Madrid right before covid, met an incredible person that lived in another state who was attending this international meeting. Nothing happened but I knew that I needed to exit to explore other options, it was my final push.
Left and moved to the other state. I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t physically move and rip the bandaid off when I had the courage. Didn’t tell anyone, just ended it and got in my car and drove away.
That was 5 years ago, today I have a 2 week old baby and I’m the happiest and most well adjusted I’ve ever been in my life. My ex partner is also getting remarried and seems MUCH happier in his new life.
Other bonus fact: the man I ended up with and I are 29 years apart and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. It seems weird to many, but that baby and my partner were worth every risk.
8points
#30
I was in my late 20’s. My roommate was an alcoholic and was stealing from me. I took a look around and asked myself if this is what I wanted for the rest of my life. I just received my teaching certificate and realized I can go pretty much anywhere. I kicked my roommate out, terminated my lease, and moved to the Navajo reservation to teach. It was the best and scariest thing I ever did. No real phone service, no television unless I had a satellite, and the nearest grocery store was a 45 minute drive down the highway. It was lonely at times but it was like I just reset my entire life. Met a lady, had a kid, and eventually moved to Texas. I never looked back.
8points
#31
I fully expected to fail when moving overseas and starting a new life... what I didn't expect is for my career, relationship and overall well being to take off in a positive direction and now I'm constantly consumed with imposter syndrome or feeling this isn't a life I was owed.
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8points
#32
I've done this 5 times. Each time my life improved. No regrets. After that many times, I've come to realize relationships cause significant distress and aren't good for me. he he.
7points
#33
Lost my wife and best friend a few years ago. Then took care of my elderly mom who passed two years later. After that, uprooted and moved from the midwest to central Florida. No regrets. My old home and neighborhood had become a reminder of what I'd lost when my wife died. In hindsight, while I got rid of stuff before moving, should have got rid of more. Also, looking back I had a general idea of where I wanted to live, but it would have been smart to spend a little more time scoping out specific areas. My house sold pretty quickly so I had to find a new place quickly. I tend to take my time to make a decision. Of course, who knows how that might have worked out. All the activity was hectic. It all worked out well.
7points
#34
I met a guy on a silly little game on my phone, flew 10.5k miles to meet him and just knew he was the one. After a few trips out there, I packed up two suitcases and moved to the other side of the world to be with him.
Have zero regrets, he’s the best person I’ve ever met and I’m stupidly in love with him.
Have zero regrets, he’s the best person I’ve ever met and I’m stupidly in love with him.
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7points
#35
I had a mental breakdown and left a big city to go to a much smaller one. In hind sight it was the right thing to do.
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6points
#36
Like many others, I too moved away and prioritized myself—around the age of 28. I think the key is making a drastic change, while both challenging and prioritizing yourself. I grew dramatically in a short period of time—I wasn’t “stuck” anymore.
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6points
#37
After a failed attempt at not being here any more, I sold all my stuff, emptied a 401k, built a school bus into a tiny home, sold my house and traveled for some years. From coast to coast, up and down, 40 states.
Went back to trauma land and decided I needed to leave again. On the other side of the country now and will never cross that Mississippi River again.
Regrets? Plenty. None of them keep me up at night or make me want to go back there.
Went back to trauma land and decided I needed to leave again. On the other side of the country now and will never cross that Mississippi River again.
Regrets? Plenty. None of them keep me up at night or make me want to go back there.
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6points
#38
The HOW wasn’t that hard. I realized I hated the state I was in (Florida), I realized I didn’t like my boyfriend, my job… my life. I had nothing to lose! I sold just about everything I owned, loaded up my car and drove cross country.
Absolutely zero regrets. This was about 11 years ago.
Absolutely zero regrets. This was about 11 years ago.
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6points
#39
Sold everything and moved from New Zealand to Australia. That's like moving interstate for the American folk.
Higher wages, better weather.
Took a couple of years to find good friends. Other than missing family and friends from home, the only regret is not doing it sooner.
Higher wages, better weather.
Took a couple of years to find good friends. Other than missing family and friends from home, the only regret is not doing it sooner.
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6points
#40
I decided to leave my bubble on the East coast after college. Sold everything I owned but some clothes and my car and headed West. Gotta say, first few years were some of the hardest, and loneliest, of my life. I drifted for quite a while before I found my footing. Did it again when I joined the military. That was almost 10 years ago now, and since then I've lived all over the US. Had some great experiences, along with some bad, but that's also part of life no matter where you are.
I whole heartedly believe I'm better for it. There's always points in life where you look back and think, "what if?" I like to view life looking forward, not back, and believe every step I made along the way, even missteps, made me the person I am today. And I wouldn't change it for the world.
I whole heartedly believe I'm better for it. There's always points in life where you look back and think, "what if?" I like to view life looking forward, not back, and believe every step I made along the way, even missteps, made me the person I am today. And I wouldn't change it for the world.
6points
