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There's a common misconception that romance has a short life span. But according to one study, it doesn't always fizzle out in long-term relationships and progresses into companionship/friendship-type of feelings. In fact, romantic love can even last a lifetime and lead to happier, healthier relationships.
"Many believe that romantic love is the same as passionate love," said lead researcher Bianca P. Acevedo, PhD, then at Stony Brook University. "It isn't. Romantic love has the intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the obsessive component. Passionate or obsessive love includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. This kind of love helps drive the shorter relationships but not the longer ones."
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Acevedo, who is a social neuroscientist and specializes in human attachment and co-researcher psychologist Arthur Aron reviewed 25 studies with 6,070 individuals in short- and long-term relationships to see whether romantic love is associated with more satisfaction.
To determine this, they classified the relationships in each of the studies as romantic, passionate (romantic with obsession) or friendship-like love and put them into two categories: long- and short-term.
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The researchers looked at 17 short-term relationship studies, which included 18- to 23-year-old college students who were single, dating or married, with the average relationship lasting less than 4 years.
Then they analyzed 10 long-term relationship studies comprising middle-aged couples who were typically married 10 years or more. Two of the studies included both long- and short-term relationships in which it was possible to distinguish the two.
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Ultimately, the review found that people who reported greater romantic love were more satisfied in both the short- and long-term relationships. (Companion-like love was just moderately associated with satisfaction in both short- and long-term relationships.) But those who reported greater passionate love in their relationships were more satisfied in the short term compared to the long term.
Couples who had more satisfaction in their relationships also reported being happier and having higher self-esteem.
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Anniversaries are great, but feeling that a partner is "there for you" every day makes for a good relationship, Acevedo said, and facilitates feelings of romantic love.
Conversely, "feelings of insecurity are generally associated with lower satisfaction, and in some cases may spark conflict in the relationship. This can manifest into obsessive love," she explained.
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