30 People Shared What Happened When They Married Their “Last Resort”

A coworker got married to their "better than nothing" six or seven years ago. It was one of those things where both people settled since they were getting older and I guess they figured they'd give it a shot. They went from single to married in eight months.

Apparently as time went on it only got better for them. They both started actively trying to better themselves (seeing therapists, picking up healthy solo hobbies) and learned how to best communicate with each other over that time. They're both in their early 50s now and they act like a happy younger couple whenever we're at work events. It's kinda cool to see.

Pretty mundane but I wanted to share one that I know that worked out.

I married my "better than nothing" option in my 30s. We both understood what we had waited for and committed ourselves fully to the marriage. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had married my "preferred option" and I realize that the love I feel from the person I married is so much better than the "preferred option" would have been. I never did convince the preferred option to date me, while the woman I'm married to now found me easy to love.

In other words, my romantic self is an idiot and my better than nothing was actually better than everything.

I have something to say about this. While not married, I am in a relationship with someone I considered myself “settling” for because he isn’t as conventionally attractive as my exes. The thing about that tho? I’ve never been happier in my life. I went for “high value” gorgeous men who everyone was jealous of me for, but in reality I was being deeply abused and driven to deep mental instability. The man I’m with now makes six figures, is an INCREDIBLE artist, supports me emotionally more than any person ever has, has a super cute butt and dreamy eyes, and loves me in the truest way I think one can be loved. I thought I was settling, but I was just being incredibly shallow and actually hit the jack pot. I can’t WAIT to marry him.

So my marriage is not "better than nothing," but I was also never obsessed with my wife the way I have been obsessed with a new person before. Part of the reason I was willing to marry her was because we communicated well, worked with each other to improve each other's lives, and we generally enjoy many of the same things while still retaining who we are individually. The biggest thing is that we both felt physically and emotionally safe with each other.

I am now obsessed. I love my wife more than I have ever loved anyone.

I feel like we may have both settled because we had a child together, but 22 years in and he’s a better partner than I could have ever dreamed.

I married a guy from Australia 9 years ago to help him immigrate. We were best friends, but also both very straight (I am also male), so we were those two guys that lived together and did everything together (shopping, gardening,riding bikes, arguing like a couple, and throwing parties) and didn't give a f**k if people thought we were gay (it was secretly very amusing a lot of the time). Anyway, still best friends, both living in different provinces now and he got his papers.

My parents got married because they were considered old in their church (they were 26 and 24…) and they both wanted kids. My mom told me that is was the practical thing to do, haha! Luckily they hit it off, and though it took a lot of time and work, they are annoyingly in love and have been married for 42 years next month.

I think I am the better than nothing spouse. About a month ago I found out. It was devastating. For 17 years she settled for me despite not truly loving me. Life was hard but we had each other or so I thought. The moment we talked about how bad things got she asked for a divorce and I lost my best friend and sole person who I felt I trusted enough to talk to. I move out tomorrow to rebuild my life.

I don't know if this is exactly what you're after, but my husband and I got together as single parents. When you do that, you're choosing as much for the kids as for you. You actually don't know what kind of couple you are on your own. And when the kids grew up, after over a decade together, we had to figure that out for the first time.

It started out good for maybe the first 4-5 years, then went really rocky in the kids' teens. Turns out as they needed us less, we really didn't have enough common ground in a lot of ways - in particular, I had emotional and emotional-labour needs that weren't being met. We discussed divorce several times, but at our peak crisis point, decided to work on it because one of our kids had just had a bereavement (death of the other parent). And honestly, it still wasn't working that well and maybe still would have ended in divorce, but then I had a terrible work situation that lasted a year, and he really stepped up. That was the turning point. I was able to let go of my resentments about all the times I'd carried us, because at some point he'd done enough that I didn't feel baited-and-switched anymore.

Then the kids grew up and we had to learn to be a couple on our own together. That took time, but we'd sort of grown and changed into a better match by then. We're really solid now, have been for probably the last five years or so. But it's been a team endeavour to get it that way and keep it there, it's not something that just happens.

I was the btn for husband #1. We divorced after dating for 8 years and 8 years married. Never felt so alone. We were glorified roommates. We got along. It was ok.

Husband #2 thinks I'm the best thing to happen to him and says it often. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. We saved each other. We have stuck together through tough times. It's amazing how different a real marriage is.

This just isn't the perspective i had when dating. It was more like, this person wants to date me and i want to date them. No red flags. We agree on basic life plans. We've been dating for a few years and everything is still cool so lets get married. Neither of us were ever the person of our dreams. We were never head over hills for each other, but 12 years in the marriage has been great.

I think the way you worded this implies that the relationship was s****y to begin with. I married someone I considered kind of a settle at first. I hadn't had a relationship in over a year and met a girl at a bar and thought, "she's pretty enough and I like being around her".

The thing is, we grew together and I have a very successful and happy marriage despite her not initially knocking my socks off. I think I fit your comments intent but I'm not sure because at no point in our relationship was it so bad I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

I guess what I'm saying is if my story matches your intent, then it can work out. If you meant marrying into a toxic relationship, I don't think you're going to get many success stories.

I married a girl because I was afraid of dying alone and had severe anxiety and people pleasing traits from childhood trauma. I should have ended it multiple times throughout the relationship but didn't because I was basically using taking care of her and my responsibility to her as an excuse not to kill myself. I eventually got help and realized how toxic and codependent the relationship was and how much of me was being buried under a mask and how badly that was feeding my depression and pursued divorce.

I didn’t marry him because he was better than nothing, but I was really unsure. After 10 years of dating, he was so different from what I imagined I wanted, and had so many things I wasn’t wild about, that I was really reluctant to get married, but I knew the clock was ticking and I knew I didn’t want to break up.

And OMG did I make the right decision. What you want in someone you’re dating isn’t necessarily the same as what you want in a permanent roommate, other half, and coparent. I didn’t realize it then, but he’s absolutely perfect for me (even if he does annoy me sometimes). He’s not big on romantic gestures, but the way that man loads a dishwasher ranks him among the gods as far as I’m concerned. He’s loyal, he’s funny, he cares about what I think and want, he takes my advice seriously, he’s devoted to me but still has his own life. Major jackpot.

Was married for 10yrs, got 2 kids out of it and some of the happiest years of my life. We both pretty much settled for each other. Eventually both concluded that we just weren't right for each other and cut it off but I don't have any regrets about it. Without her I definitely would have been one of the people out there that are forever alone. So I definitely would agree with the "better to have loved and lost" saying.

Both had hit our early thirties and near-simultaneously moved into adjoining apartment buildings in a new town. Clocks were ticking. Sex on third date and very regularly thereafter, proposal on 1st year anniversary of first date (after essentially being told "s**t or get off the pot."). Warning sign: "I think you should cut your (finally long) hair for the wedding." Let redneck beauty shop in her hometown cut it, so I have a terrible haircut in wedding pictures.

Sex "surprisingly" almost immediately became contingent on whatever chores I needed to do.

Not load dishwasher the way she liked it? No nookie for you.

Still managed to have two kids, but by year 15 I was sleeping in the guest room, mostly because she snored and refused to do anything about it, and her morning routine of hitting the f*****g snooze button 8 times, and also because I found her sexually unappealing (I probably wasn't any better - we both let ourselves go, though I gained 25 pounds while she gained 100). Spent 10 years being roommates raising kids.

When they were old enough to be independent I moved out.

Should have done it a decade earlier and saved us all the trouble.

I found out 5 years into my marriage that I was his "better than nothing" option. I filed for divorce 2 weeks later (cause it took me that long to come up with the filing fees.)

It was one of MANY issues in the marriage, but finding out he was telling people he only married me because he feared getting older alone while he was telling me I was The One (TM) f*****g STUNG.

My sister married a guy who showed interest because she thought no one would love her as a teen mum. Welp she left him 2 years ago after 10 years together (married for 3) and she's STILL trying to get him to divorce her.

Never settle guys.

A family member of mine from back in the times when women were extremely dependent on men (like isn’t allowed to work or open a bank account kind of dependent) was married and in a toxic relationship. It was violent. She met someone else and decided to get married to the other one. It was more a „better than beating each other up all the time“.

She brought 9 kids into this world, more than 15 grandkids followed. The majority of them is broken people.

Later on I heard stories about her second husband making inappropriate comments about his stepchild (girl). Super cringe. But explains why they are all not only very distanced to her but also extremely broken.

My learning from that is: don’t get married out of desperation! Get married because it is a choice FOR a marriage. Not against loneliness. That can go south big time.

Not great, she went from “we might have kids in a few years” to “I don’t want kids, ever”.

I wanted kids.