50 Brutal Moments When People Realized Their ‘Friends’ Didn’t Actually Like Them

To hear how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to the Reddit user who posed the question, “Why did you need to cut off a friend?” The OP, An_epiphany, shared that they’ve seen many friendships form, break and reach unexpected places. “Despite this, I always felt like an outlier because my friendships didn't last that long compared to many people around me,” they noted. “I asked this question to not just hear from a diverse group of people, but to also reassure myself that not all friendships are everlasting and sometimes that's okay for your own wellbeing.”

An_epiphany also shared that they’ve had to cut off close friends before too. “Over time, I felt like my friendships with some people were draining,” they explained. “At a certain point, I was even convinced I was just a nuisance between other people and realized only until I took a break from pushing myself to be noticed, that I was just not somebody they cared enough to include.”

“I often asked myself, ‘Am I the issue?’ or ‘Was this inevitably going to happen?’” the OP added. “Questions with no answers are frustrating, but I just kept moving on. Grappling onto expired relationships rarely got me anywhere.”

We were also curious what the OP thought of the responses to their post. “[They] told me a lot, with some being a bit freakier than others, but reading them made me feel less ‘abnormal’ than I thought I was,” An_epiphany shared. “There were responses talking about putting more effort into the relationship than their friend (ex-friend if you will) and others talked about how their friend tried to disrupt their happiness for the benefit of their own.”

“I've seen too many about how their friend was trying to steal from them or used them to make themselves feel better, which I largely resonated with in the past,” the OP continued. “A surprising response I saw was how a friend ended up being convicted of raping a minor - definitely not something I could handle hearing, even from a distant classmate I knew.”

An_epiphany also shared some wise words for anyone who’s in a friendship they’re considering ending. “If you feel like you'll have more ‘freedom’ (say being able to freely express your feelings and emotions without fear of judgment) by cutting off a friend, by all means pull the plug,” they told Bored Panda. “Friendships aren't supposed to be chores, nor should you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them. If it's emotionally taxing for you, that should say enough about the healthiness level you have with that person/those people.”

We also got in touch with Zencare counselor Corey J. Flanders, LMHC, who was kind enough to share his thoughts on ending friendships. Corey is based in Providence, RI and has expertise in existential challenges, spiritual guidance, loss of meaning, anxiety, depression, and trauma. He combines excellence in evidence-based therapy techniques with his lifelong experience as a mediator to help clients move beyond symptoms and lead more fulfilling lives.

Corey first shared with Bored Panda that he’s not a fan of the phrase “cutting off,” because we want to be careful about turning former friends into “bad guys” in our minds. “However, we will all eventually need to draw boundaries and set limits in our relationships,” the counselor says. “This is necessary for our well being and often necessary for the health of the relationship. Some boundaries may need to be firmer or more strict depending on the circumstance. With some people, our boundary may need to include no contact for some duration. Sometimes we need to stop focusing on others and start focusing on ourselves. Other boundaries are made within ourselves. An example would be learning to say no in relationships or not answering the phone just because someone is calling.”

As far as how we know when it’s time to end a friendship, Corey says we need to listen to ourselves and pay attention to how we’re feeling. “How does being with this person make you feel? Some relationships start wonderfully but end up being toxic,” the expert shared. “The friendship might not serve us any longer. We stop feeling good around the person and over time end up feeling used or belittled. I think if you ask yourself honestly, some part of you knows if enough is enough. Listen to that part.”

“Another big indicator is communication,” Corey added. “Does your friend really listen to you and do they respect what you say? I mean, there will always be some amount of conflict or misunderstanding in friendships; we're only human. Look to see if the friendship is a place where the two of you can work on these misunderstandings and grow from them, or is it a place where you feel unheard and pushed around? If your friend isn't interested in working on it with you, it may be unsalvageable. But it takes two to tango. It's a two way street. So make sure you're also willing and able to own your part and learn about yourself.”

When it comes to making healthier friendships in the future, Corey noted that it’s important to work on yourself first and foremost. “Try to understand how you may have contributed to the failed friendship. Were you rigid, judgmental, sensitive, jealous, etc. Again, it takes two to tango,” the counselor says. “Hopefully, we're all trying to better ourselves and seeking to grow and change for the better. Therapy can help. Or developing a spiritual practice, like meditation, to help with self-awareness and developing a sense of which of our behaviors feels right at this stage in our life.”

“For example, maybe we notice that alcohol intake is making us feel worse and discover that we can work to let it go,” Corey continued. “Or maybe we notice that we have been excessively needy in our friendships and then work to set better boundaries and become more comfortable in our own skin and less reliant on others to make us feel happy and complete. Ultimately, changing one's life starts with you. It's an inside job. As you grow and change and become more healthy, you'll naturally attract friends on that wavelength. Find new hobbies or go back to school. Meet people with similar positive interests.”

Corey also wants to remind readers to avoid turning other people into monsters in our minds. “If a friendship isn't working any longer, that doesn't have to mean that your old friend is horrible and needs to be disliked,” he told Bored Panda. “Try to develop compassion and empathy. Understand that we're all in this crazy life together and you never know what might be happening inside another person. People who are afraid often display confusing behaviors and emotions like anger, defensiveness, and lack of trust. Sometimes that isn't about you and there's nothing you can do about it. Let the friend go if it's not working for you, but do so with grace. Wish them well and then work to see if there's something you need to learn about yourself.”