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According to workplace expert and author Lynn, complaining is different from constructive feedback in three ways:
- “Complaining is a one-way street. Venting about a problem is rarely constructive. That is, unless you follow the complaint with actionable ideas.
- Conversely, constructive feedback creates a more two-way, open dialogue, with conflict resolution as the ultimate goal. Here, the person having issues actually wants to see a change, whereas a complainer is often someone who doesn’t expect anything to change. Their negative attitude can ultimately be self-fulfilling.
- There’s a fine line between complaining and wanting a mutually beneficial outcome. And that centers around knowing what your objectives are before you rant. Often, when people think about the outcome expected beforehand, they shift from a venting mindset to one of positivity. Their people savvy skills pave the way for better results.”
According to Lynn, the author of ‘Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant,’ a positive aspect of a complaint is that you’re aware of the situation and trying to change the challenging circumstances. However, she argues, you have to be willing to take that to the next positive step.
“One of the best pieces of advice I can give to career-minded professionals is that before you issue a complaint verbally or in written form, have solutions ready,” she said. “Bosses are pre-disposed to wanting the least amount of burden on their plate, as they feel they have enough already. So when employees drain bosses with additional problems but offer nothing on the flipside, it’s career-limiting.”
Bosses tend to view complainers as people who have weak problem-solving skills. “You will ascend faster to senior management with such traits as independence, wisdom, resourcefulness, and patience to see a problem through. You may not have all the answers, but giving it your best shot is imperative,” the workplace expert told Bored Panda.
“Also whining to your colleagues is bad news because word can spread rapidly through office gossip. No one can eliminate commiseration or complaints from the workplace, as we’re all human. But everything has a degree… and everything has an outcome,” Lynn noted that employees should be careful about how they vent their dissatisfaction and anger.
“And of course, on social media, complaints can leave a permanent footprint—and the damage can run deep when you’re affecting your company’s reputation. Badmouthing a company publicly can also get you into legal hot water,” she pointed out that complaining isn’t as simple and straightforward as some would think. You have to be aware of the potential consequences.
“Managers expect you to share your issues privately and not drag the company through the mud. It’s also a dealbreaker for most prospective employers, as they don’t want to ‘be next.’ When raising an issue with your boss, you must put yourself in their shoes and realize they expect to work through solutions with you, that hopefully, you recommend.”
Workplace expert Lynn told Bored Panda about ‘managing up’ as a worthwhile skill to learn. According to her, it’s the antithesis of complaining and means deploying constructive criticism when necessary.
“If you’re managing up properly, you’re a problem solver for your boss, not the other way around. You’re there to make life easier for your manager. That said, you should never suffer in silence. People should complain when their boundaries are crossed or when their job becomes untenable. For example, if that’s the case, you would want to complain to management or HR or a combination thereof,” she stressed the importance of speaking up when there’s something legitimately wrong.
“In my book, ‘Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job,’ I talk about the acronym CALM. That stands for Communicate, Anticipate, Laugh, and Manage. When you have conflict at work, the first thing you need to do is stay calm. Think things through before speaking; you’ll get a better result,” she said.
“Also, ‘anticipate’ their answer. If you’re complaining, the automatic reaction in business is, ‘Okay, so what do you suggest?’ And oftentimes the employee does know the answer better than the boss, as they’re closer to the situation.”
Meanwhile, the L part of CALM stands for ‘levity’ (i.e. humor), “which helps when you’re struggling with an issue, assuming your boss is not toxic. For example, levity reduces tension barriers and can smooth the way to conflict resolution.”
Finally, the M in the acronym means ‘manage.’ “That’s using positive and negative reinforcement to affect behaviors. People ages 2 to 62 are no different when it comes to core human emotions, such as praise, fear, and rejection. So when you have something negative to say, couch it in between ‘positive bookends.’"
The workplace expert shared an example of how an employee might use the CALM approach when speaking to management about a problem. You could try something like this: “‘I really like my job. But something set me back yesterday and I wanted to talk to you about it.’ That’s followed by constructive criticism. At the end of the conversation is something like, ‘Thank you for taking the time to talk through this with me. I really do enjoy working here and with you.’”
Lynn suggested choosing courage over comfort and taking the leap to air your concerns at work. “Just use a heavy dose of emotional intelligence and take a positive, constructive route.”
The responsibility shouldn’t just fall on the employees’ shoulders when it comes to adopting a more constructive approach to criticism. Managers also need to heed the complaints that might come their way.
“Employees are mere mortals and tensions can run high in the office. So it behooves management to encourage feedback—even if it doesn’t come in the most diplomatic form. Managers who operate in a vacuum will never succeed long term. They are only as good as their team,” Lynn explained.
“Strong business leaders can also model the right behavior for sharing criticism. For example, in meetings, successful executives know how to use diplomacy and share feedback constructively,” the workplace expert told Bored Panda.
“When emotionally intelligent managers who have an issue with an employee’s opinion or action share their contradictory perspective, employees don’t even feel they have been challenged! They set the example.”
