To be clear, it is natural to want to be accepted by the people around you. Human beings are hardwired to be social. When your ancestors were respected and well-liked by their local community, they increased their chances of survival. Being sidelined by your community because you are unreliable, untrustworthy, or have gone against the social contract, on the other hand, meant more danger. The same holds true in this day and age… just perhaps with fewer saber-toothed tigers prowling around.
The thing is, being inauthentic comes at a cost. You want to find the right balance between being true to who you truly are and also respecting the rules, norms, conventions, and traditions of the society you want to be a part of.
It is also socially destructive to be overly entitled. Nobody likes a narcissist because they (delusionally) see themselves as superior and always put their needs above those of others, sidelining members of their community.
It is incredibly difficult to fix your reputation if your community clocks you as someone who is selfish, constantly lies, and falsely boasts to them. And yet, it is very easy to lie to strangers on the internet. You don’t know them personally. This is why it’s healthy to be skeptical of most things you see online: what you see, what others claim, often isn’t what’s happening behind the scenes. Most people tend to post only the highlights and big wins from their lives, and omit their failures.
Furthermore, some liars, like the ones featured in this list, aren’t good at convincing others of how awesome they are, and they get caught instantly, and then are (not so) gently called out online. You can only hope that it’s a wake-up call for them and the first step toward some humility and authenticity.
In an earlier in-depth interview, the team at Bored Panda reached out to licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jesse Matthews, who shed some light on social media self-representation and projective cool and tough images online. He emphasized that wanting to present a more idealized version of yourself is not a new phenomenon. Rather, it is a continuation of what has been happening throughout history.
“It’s just easier online because it’s not usually happening in real time and you can curate the image that you want to, which is often a more idealized version of yourself than reality,” Dr. Matthews explained.
“Everyone wants to be cool, however, they define it. And typically guys (and some girls) want to appear tough, which can go hand-in-hand with cool. These are valued traits in society or among some groups, so feeling like you have these attributes gives you self-esteem. This increases through validation in the form of views, likes, or comments,” Dr. Matthews told Bored Panda earlier.
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He noted that people’s attempts to appear tough online are closely tied to their sense of self-worth and how they perceive the world around them.
“More than ever, there is so much content online and people you can follow who discuss mindset, especially as it relates to success, fitness, wealth, or happiness. Men are some of the biggest creators of this content as well as consumers. Often, they are tough-looking guys talking about grinding and being disciplined and authentic, and this is all very much portrayed as being cool. If this is what you are into posting or watching, then striving to be more like this is going to create or enhance feelings of self-worth for these individuals.”
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However, this distorted online image is not without consequences. For example, trying to appear tough by doing illegal activities, embracing objectionable behavior, or making inappropriate comments can affect your employment, college admissions, etc.
“For the individual, of course, there could be future regret or the person could get ‘canceled’ in some fashion. In a more immediate sense, it’s not necessarily positive for anyone to try to portray something that they are not. It doesn’t bring real self-esteem if what you are presenting isn’t reality,” the licensed clinical psychologist said.
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“If a person characterizes ‘tough’ as self-disciplined, motivated, and as ‘grinding’ or something like that, I don’t think there is anything wrong with it if that’s actually who they are or who they are trying to become. A lot of the mindset content you see out there is of this nature. Of course, it could be harmful mentally or physically if too extreme,” Dr. Matthews told Bored Panda.
“As a psychologist and as a man (who a lot of this content is made by and for), I personally love that improving or working on yourself has become cool or tough. I also love that being honest with yourself and others, being more open or willing to talk about things like feelings, and being more willing to do things like ask for help has become cool. Suffering in silence or trying to be some fake masculine stereotype is neither cool nor tough, and I’m so glad people are starting to realize and acknowledge that.”
