Cheating is probably the biggest offense your significant other could ever commit. Whether you discover the secret by accidentally reading a text or catching them red-handed, there's no good way to learn that your most beloved person has been disloyal. Not to mention that experiencing such betrayal usually leaves you with a whirlwind of emotions and a broken heart.
So when pugsarelife2 asked the men and women of Reddit who caught their SOs cheating to share their stories, the answers flooded in. More than 14.9K people started telling how they found out that their partner had been unfaithful, and its equal parts hurtful and infuriating.
Prepare yourself for some of the most heart-wrenching stories Bored Panda has collected from this thread. Continue scrolling and share your thoughts and experiences with us in the comments below.
#1
I found a used condom on the bathroom floor.
I just emailed him a 30 day end of tenancy notice. (I own the house.)
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241points
#2
I looked at his phone when it went off and saw it was a young girl. Typical conversation like “hey how was your day? Haven’t seen you in a while” sort of stuff. When he came back and I asked him, he blew up and began yelling at me that I was invading his space and he has a right to talk to whomever he wants. He ran out and deleted the messages. I followed and asked if that was his dealer since I thought he was planning to relapse on heroin. He was still super defensive and began arguing with me in front of his sister and her bf so I got up and left.
This went on for a few weeks and I just wanted us to go back to normal. He admitted he cheated and all I wanted was an apology. Our final phone conversation was me saying, “Please just apologize. You don’t even have to mean it, I just want us back together again!” (Mind you, I was NOT in a good place emotionally and self esteem wise.) Divine intervention must have struck me because his response was, “I’m an alpha male, and alpha males do what they want.” And I was so blown away by how far I’d fallen in respecting myself that my first thought was, “Well you alpha single now.”
I do regret looking at his phone, but I don’t regret that it pushed me out of a failing relationship. 3 years later I’m in bed next to my man, replying to a reddit post about a long ago mistake. When we get up, we’re gonna make waffles.
241points
While a broken heart can trigger a variety of negative emotions, it can also lead to feeling completely lost. When trying to understand why this happened and where did things go wrong, people often end up blaming themselves for these unfortunate circumstances.
Being cheated on is a painful and shocking experience, still many couples (yes, even the happiest ones) face it quite often. What causes people to stray from their loved ones and have an affair in the first place?
A 2017 study revealed that there are many distinct factors that motivate relationship infidelities. Researchers used an online survey to ask 495 young adults who self-reported their infidelities to provide the reasons why they cheated.
#3
A friend of mine was suspicious of her husband cheating, as he went to "play soccer with friends" way too often. He always came already showered as he would sweat playing. One day she sewed his soccer socks toghether, and when he came back all showered she saw the socks were still sewed, so he wasn't playing soccer at all.
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224points
#4
I was in the Navy and was out on deployment for 6 months after just recently getting engaged (it's one of those stupid things that young military guys do). One day i get a letter from my fiance's best friend telling me that she caught my fiancee and her BF together (this was years before email and smartphones were common). We write back and forth several times and eventually it comes out how she caught them, how my fiancee begged her not to tell me, and that the fiancee didn't know that we were corresponding.
I eventually get back to the States and planned to play it off as though I didn't know, but too many of my friends intercepted me with the news that is wasn't just the one guy, but several, and let me know that she knew that I was aware. Eventually we met, and the confrontation was minimal and tame. We broke off the engagement without a lot of drama - she kept the ring.
The best friend and I ended up hooking up, at first as sort of a revenge-f*ck kinda thing, but turned serious.
We celebrate our 32nd wedding anniversary this year.
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215points
In addition to previous research indicating that dissatisfaction, neglect, anger, and sexual desire are key motivations for infidelity, the data from this study revealed additional factors: "Lack of love ('I had 'fallen out of love with' my primary partner'), low commitment ('I was not very committed to my primary partner')."
Plus, "esteem ('I wanted to enhance my popularity'), gaining sexual variety ... and situational factors ('I was drunk and not thinking clearly')." Of course, these factors don’t explain every single case when a partner has cheated but they help us understand why people choose to do it.
We reached out to Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D., a professor in the Department of Psychology at Monmouth University and the author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them. He was kind enough to share some insights about infidelity and its effects.
#5
I owned a house with my fiancé. I woke up in the middle of the night and he wasn’t in bed. I went searching. His truck and another vehicle were in the driveway. Then, I went upstairs and found the guest bedroom was locked. After barging my way in... I found him with another woman in bed. That bed happened to be my childhood bed. He forced me out of the room... literally grabbed me by the neck and pushed me out and closed the door back. I knew I couldn’t do anything at that point, so I called his parents who lived a few blocks away. His dad showed up and another fight broke out. I ended up leaving and staying at his parents until dawn. I moved out that weekend and let the house foreclose. 9 years later.. it’s finally off my credit report, I’m happily married to an amazing man and we own a beautiful home together.
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188points
#6
I caught my wife after she passed away from cancer. Worst feeling ever. Caught between unending love, mourning and absolute anger.
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176points
While discussing the reactions people have when they witness the disloyalty of their loved ones, the professor said that it’s impossible to plan an ideal response since "cheating feels like the ultimate betrayal."
"The emotions are just too raw," he explained. "That said, though it may initially feel better to be vengeful, individuals rarely look back at those reactions favorably. Though difficult, it’s better to take the high road and be thankful that you got out of a relationship with a person like that (you dodged a bullet)."
Lewandowski thinks that people who are sharing their stories with others can truly benefit from it: "There is a lot of research showing the benefits of writing about traumatic experiences."
#7
We got married when I was 17, and he was 21. He was shipping off to sea, and I was escaping a bad home life.
When he came back after his deployment, he wasn't the same person anymore. After about 6 months, he gained weight on purpose to fail his physicals so he'd get kicked out of the Navy.
Fast forward a year, I'm working full time, and he is sitting at home, watching anime and drinking during the day, and telling me that he "was applying to jobs".
I was applying to universities when my laptop died on me. I asked to use his to finish an app, and while doing so a message popped up on his FB.
A topless pic of his ex, from her. I was shocked and opened it to find that they'd been dating for a loooong time (started again while he was at sea in the Navy, he would talk to her and never to me, saying that he never got the time to email).
She had sent him a pic because he had said how he missed having big tits like hers to play with, and how mine were just too small so he felt like he was f*cking a boy or a child.
I confronted him, he made a bunch of pitiful excuses. I had my friends come to the house that day and kick him out while I went to work.
He then stalked me for the next few years, and made posts on his FB about how I was a coward, he sent emails and called from blocked numbers to tell me that "a restraining order is just a piece of paper" or that 'our vows before God made me his property' and sh*t like that.
Then he bought a gun, and started telling our friends that "if he cant have me no one can".
I ended up talking to our friends, and told everyone conflicting information about where I was going, and moved states. I deleted all my personal social media accounts and lived in fear for years, watching him continually make memes about how he loved his wife and would do anything for her.
It took 8 years for me to finally get the divorce from him.
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155points
#8
I found out he had signed up for a bunch of apps. Such as Ashley Madison, Tinder, and Bumble. He would messages mutual acquaintances asking if they’d be up for massages, etc.
I blamed myself for years that he wasn’t interested in sex with me because I’d had a baby and gained a little weight. Nope. He just enjoyed contacting other woman for sex more..
We’re in the middle of our divorce now. He doesn’t understand why I’m wrecking our marriage because of a few indiscretions.
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146points
"By writing, individuals are able to process their emotions more thoroughly and see the situation from a new perspective. It’s a cathartic process that lends greater objectivity. Writing about painful experiences like this can be difficult, but it’s worthwhile."
If you’re thinking about how to overcome the pain, he said that "it’s important to realize that a partner’s infidelity says more about who they are as a person, than it does about you."
#9
My first long-term girlfriend and I were going to go to the same college. I got accepted, but had to start the semester after she did meaning we would be slightly long-distance for a few months.
It wasn't too bad because we were only about 2 hours apart so it was pretty easy to visit, but our relationship did struggle a bit. I remember one night I got a phone call from her and when I picked up it was obvious it was a butt dial. I could hear her talking to some guy, but couldn't make out what they were saying. I called her and she picked up and I asked what was up? She said she was in bed about to go sleep. I told her about the butt dial and she said it was her friend Jack, who I had met, asking to borrow something. I thought it was odd but brushed it off.
A couple weeks later I was up there visiting her and I met a bunch of cool people, including this guy Luke. After I got back from visiting I get a Facebook message from him saying, "Look man I hate to be the one to say this, but I think you're an awesome guy and you don't deserve this to be happening to you. She's been cheating on you with this guy pretty soon after she started here."
I was devastated, but I had to hear it from her, so I called her and said, "Are you cheating on me?" She gave a heavy sigh and said, "Well, at least I don't have to lie anymore." That guy's voice I had heard wasn't Jack, it was the guy she was cheating on me with, I just trusted her so much that I took her word for it.
Even though it was painful, I was grateful for Luke sending me that message. What's funny is that most of the people I met up there that were her friends sided with me after the break up, so when I started going there that next semester I had a group of friends to support me and most of them are still very close friends of mine to this day.
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134points
#10
My ex husband and his family smoked a lot of pot, still do. His sister, kids, and nanny were visiting from out of state for a few weeks. When it was time to fly home they left their stash at my ex MILs house because they didn’t want to take it on the plane. My ex asked if I would pick it up because I was nearby. Stupidly I agree. I don’t smoke and I was willing to carry it in my car for him. To my surprise I found a note from the nanny to my ex saying she was in love with him and she was so happy for the time they had together. Obviously she thought he would get the weed instead of me. While it was incredibly painful at the time I am definitely living my best life 15 years later.
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120points
According to Lewandowski, being cheated on is a serious violation of trust but you should not let the effects linger into your future relationships: "The natural reaction may be to close yourself off and put up walls so that your next partner can’t possibly hurt you in the same way."
"But doing so also robs you of experiencing all the best parts of being in love. Get back out there, be vulnerable, trust again, and find the great relationship you deserve," he added.
#11
He broke up with me after 8 years together, seemingly out of nowhere (I look back and see the signs now). He told me I was the cause of his severe depression, I had no clue he was even suferring with mental health issues. Obviously I carried a huge amount of guilt knowing I was the reason someone didn't want to be alive and took the break up really rough.
Our cell phones were on the same bill and it would get sent in the mail. 3 months after we broke up I had the thought to check through the calls list, there was a number he was calling at all hours of the day/night every day. Decided to look back through previous bills from when we were together and sure enough same number and same volume of calls as far as 6 months prior to our break up. Called the number and a woman answered. Confronted him and he fessed up. I had a very hard time processing the fact the someone I trusted for 8 years would purposely make me feel like I was an awful human, when it was actually him all along.
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118points
#12
The husband of one of the women he was cheating on me with called me at work. At first I didn't believe him and hung up. How could the man i spent the past 8 years with,had 2 beautiful babies with, suffered together the loss of one of those children do something so hurtful?? Still a part of me had doubt. He had affairs in other relationships and we had a rocky patch early in the beginning where I suspected an affair but didn't have proof. I told my boss I felt sick and had to leave early and I called this guy back and found out that my ex and his wife along with one of their friends were all sleeping together for about a year. He had confronted my ex and told him that he was going to tell me but my ex convinced him to wait a month since my mother had just died. I took my time coming home and confronted him and told him to pack and leave. Since I've pieced together a lot of what happened and all the lies he told me where if I was in a different headspace I might have caught on to the affairs earlier. I also found videos hidden on one of our computers and found out he was having bootycalls in our apartment while I was at work and he was watching our daughter. At that point it put the headstone on any possibility of reconciliation.
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104points
#13
June 1, 2018. Normal day. A Friday. My husband had kissed me goodbye and gone to work. I was cleaning the house for company who was coming to stay the weekend. The doorbell rang. There was a man at my door who introduced himself as the husband of a woman who my husband worked with. He was there to tell me that my husband and his wife were having an affair. He had busted them about six months prior and had told his wife that she had to end the affair. He thinks that she did end it...for about three months, but then they started up again. When he found out they were at it again, he called my husband (because he knew if he confronted him in person, he'd be in a jail cell for what he'd have done). On the phone, he told my husband to leave his wife alone or else he would come and tell me everything that was happening. Apparently, my husband thought that he was bluffing.
So I was literally the last to know. My husband never came home again. He got an air b'n'b and a lawyer. The divorce was December 21, 2018. We had been together for 24 years. Still hurts.
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98points
#14
The story is remarkable in that it happened before the internet was widely available, in the very early 90’s, when the world seemed much bigger.
My fiancé (Meg) had one semester left of college that had to be taken as an internship abroad for her major. She chose to go to Belgium for this internship. I stayed back & the plan was that I would set up house & when she returned that summer, she would move directly in & we would set a date for our wedding. So, while Meg was off in Europe, calling every couple of weeks to check in, (the long distance was super expensive back then) sending me postcards & letters, I moved in to a brownstone, bought furniture, etc...
About a two weeks before Meg was supposed to return, I stopped in to a nearby coffee house that I had noticed down the block, but had yet to visit. To my surprise, I found that my neighbor from growing up in a completely different city, Claire, was a waitress there. We hadn’t seen each other since high school, so we made a plan to meet up after her shift for a cup of coffee to catch up. We met & Claire told me that she was engaged as well, to a man, Ben, who was completing his course of study by working on an internship in...you guessed it, Belgium. I couldn’t believe the coincidence, & told her about my fiancé, & that they HAD to know each other. Crazy, right?
A couple days later, I stopped in for a cup of coffee & Claire looked extremely upset. She asked if I had time to wait, as she had a break coming up, & that she needed to talk to me. We went outside & she told me that she had gotten a call from her Aunt Sue the day before. Aunt Sue had just returned from Czechoslovakia, & that something very strange had happened. While they were touring Prague, Sue & her travel group had stayed in a local hotel & the next morning she had run into Claire’s fiancé, Ben, in the lobby...with a female companion by the name of Meg. She said that he introduced her as a student from America, that they worked together, but it was very awkward & they both looked scared sh*tless.
Claire said that she immediately called long distance to Belgium, & after several tries over the course of a day or so, got him on the phone. She asked him about the chance encounter & he said he had been kind of expecting her call, & ended up admitting that he had been seeing Meg pretty much the entire time they were in Europe, spending weekends & holidays traveling around with each other. I was floored. Couldn’t believe it.
I went home & started trying to call Meg at her dorm in Belgium, finally getting through to her late into the night, early morning for her. I point blank asked her if she was dating Ben. I didn’t even explain how I knew about it. She hemmed & hawed for a moment, kind of acting like I was crazy for saying something so nonsensical, but when I said that I knew Claire, she dropped the facade & admitted to all of it.
So Ben & Meg had a very bittersweet homecoming. Meg got off much easier than Ben, as Claire had already left all of his belongings on the front lawn, from the day she found out, which had been pretty picked over by the time he got back two weeks later. I did pick Meg up from the airport, I think at the time I really just wanted to see her face when I told her that all of our friends knew what a piece of sh*t she was, & that I never wanted to see her again.
To this day I revel in how many utterly astounding factors of complete random coincidence went in to Meg & Ben (who later married, then later divorced after he cheated on her) being caught. The universe works in incredible & mysterious ways.
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94points
#15
4yrs ago I was dating a girl who became distant and disinterested in a lot of things we both enjoyed together. Despite attempts to talk about it, she only grew more distant then became less available to hang out and suddenly was working late a lot. I started getting suspicious about cheating when she was on her phone nonstop. Again I tried to talk about it but she wouldn't engage. She also just didn't want to break up with me for whatever reason.
I was actually going to end it on my own, but one weekend when she was seemingly unavailable, some mutual friends told me they spotted her with a dude from her work and they were all over each other. Coincidentally, she had also lent me her ipad and it was synced to her phone so I saw lots of texts between those two over that weekend. They were talking about running away together, etc.
He was married and her supervisor. Mutual friends were also composed of her coworkers and reported them to HR. They were both forced to do training on not sleeping with coworkers, they were both denied promotion, his wife left him, and she moved overseas.
Sucked at the time, I was devastated, but karma got them good.
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94points
#16
This is almost word for word how the convo went:
Me: you sleeping with so and so Her: yea Me: wanna divorce? Her: kinda Me: ok I’ll file tomorrow
93points
#17
He went to Hawaii for a business trip without his wife and kids. Like a good wife, I packed his clothes before he left and unpacked his dirty laundry when he returned home. I found a tiny pair of white cotton panties (no lace) in his suitcase. He had recently dropped a lot of weight (>100 lbs) and played it off that he had bought them for himself .... they had no label and were simple bikinis so theoretically could have been men's as well. It did sort of explain the pretty brunette that followed him off the plane at the airport and kept looking at my kids and I at the luggage carousel (what an ass to make his side piece come face to face with his wife and kids). I made sure he wore those panties at least once a week for the remaining few months we were together (I set out his clothes everyday and he couldn't protest).
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89points
#18
Very unhealthy relationship. He was emotionally very abusive and I was in a terrible place with my mental health.
I found out at the ultrasound to determine the gender of our child. He was late and I was noodling on Facebook waiting to be called.
He was tagged in some photos in my news feed from a gig he’d been at on the previous weekend. Random lass was in all the photos of him and they were all over each other. Also they were making out in the background of one photo.
He turned up after I was called in. While the technician was printing the images I told him I knew. He went off and on about how I was making it up, he’d never do that, obviously I was lying to compensate for cheating on him and so on. When I pointed out there were photos he stormed out and left me there.
My Dad had turned up during the appointment (anticipating that he’d react badly if we were having a girl, which he did, that was scattered through the cheating denials) and took me home.
I considered us broken up at that point and stopped all contact except texts related to the pregnancy.
Mostly I was relieved. I had concrete evidence that it wasn’t in my head and I finally managed to escape that relationship.
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88points
#19
My (now ex) husband demanded constant access to all of my social media and cell phone messages and was constantly accusing me of cheating even though he had no reason to think I would do that. I had nothing to hide. Never even thought of cheating. I was watching our young kids 24-7 and didn't even have transportation since he "accidentally" totalled my car. One day I handed over my phone for him to check for other men and asked to see his. He hesitated but then handed it over. There was a long, sexual, text history with one of the teenage girls who works for him. He tells me he's in love with her and wants her to move in with us. I was in total shock, dropped his phone cracking it. He retaliated by breaking my laptop. He's a wonderful man and I miss him every day sarcasm
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85points
#20
My ex husband was sleeping with his best friend’s wife while I was 8 months pregnant, it had been going on for a while.
I was 8 months pregnant with our second child at the time and he wanted to go visit his brother for the weekend. I asked my doctor if it was safe for me to travel and she said it would be fine. I told my husband I could go but he said he was really hoping to just have some time with his brother, I understood because a new baby really makes it hard to spend quality time but I asked if he could take our older son (3yo at the time) so he could see his grandma and cousins. He said they were planning on drinking and whatnot and wasn’t sure it would be a good idea. (They’re country boys so think shooting, drinking and whatnot) I agreed and he left for the weekend. After he left I get a call from his best friend telling me that he’ll be in town for the weekend and he wanted to meet up, not weird he called me because my husband was terrible at answering his phone. I told him unfortunately my husband was visiting back home, bad timing. His best friend then said ok, I’m going to call you back. And hung up very abruptly. Turns out my husband and his wife had been caught by him a few months previously and he gave them a chance to make it right...I don’t know why. He didn’t tell me but threatened to if they didn’t stop. Well, they didn’t stop and he told me. I think the worst part was that my husband’s family knew and never once thought to tell me. These people were my family for 5 years and nothing. It’s been almost 10 years now and I’m so much happier but it was definitely an eye opening experience.
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78points