All this child-centered bragging, despite its patent violation of the social ideals of modesty and respect for others, may be, according to University of Pennsylvania sociologist Annette Lareau, PhD, an outgrowth of the hothouse style of parenting that pervades our culture.
Lareau, who has studied the habits and behaviors of contemporary families, calls this practice "concerted cultivation." She thinks it's a way middle-class parents tend to see "parenting as a project," something to be managed and organized and programmed.
"There's a way in which an activity is more intense for the mother than it is even for the child," Lareau told WebMD. "And the competitive nature of activities is woven into the heart of the process."
Psychiatrist Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, believes it's much better to concentrate on the whole child instead of just the part you like. "Many focus on their children's achievements, rather than getting to know their kids as individuals," Rosenfeld explained. "The dilemma is when kids become valued only for their accomplishments -- or when they live up to your fantasies of what they ought to accomplish -- not for who they are as people."
Parents need to remember to model the behavior they want their kids to develop. "If they see and hear you bragging, that's the behavior they'll emulate," Rosenfeld added.
Social etiquette matters. Don't be a braggart; we don't know about other families' struggles and challenges. The parent you might be tempted to tell about your kid's athletic accomplishments, for example, may have a child with a physical disability.
Again, focus on who your children are as people rather than their latest test score. "We rarely hear the simple praise, 'He is such a good (or good-hearted) kid,'" Rosenfeld said.
Psychotherapist and author F. Diane Barth said that if you do feel compelled to brag to other parents about your kid, be sure to give them equal time to brag about theirs and try to think of something you admire about their children in case they can’t come up with something.
Every parent wants to tell the world their kid is something special, and they should, but the trick is to balance it out. As you can see from the pictures, there's a line between being incredibly impressed with their accomplishments and talking the kids up to the point everyone thinks you're simply full of it.
