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Mom Sparks A Debate If Employees Should Be Treated Differently When It Comes To Time Off Depending On Whether They Have Kids Or Not
Social IssuesDEC 23, 2021

Mom Sparks A Debate If Employees Should Be Treated Differently When It Comes To Time Off Depending On Whether They Have Kids Or Not

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Many companies proclaim that equality in the workplace is important to them. However, practice doesn’t always match theory. And fancy words and promises don’t always result in the right actions.
Even though discrimination based on someone’s family status is illegal in many places (though completely fine in others), some managers still give preferential treatment to those employees who have children. One mom, who goes by the name KwestTurkey on Mumsnet, called out this practice, despite being a parent herself. She said that it is was completely unfair to prioritize parents’ requests for time off and that everyone should be treated on a ‘first come, first served’ basis. Her post started a discussion and got people debating this topic.
Bored Panda reached out to financial expert Sam Dogen, the founder of the Financial Samurai blog, to chat about what to do if we feel discriminated against in the workplace and how we ought to convince ourselves to take a break from everything over Christmas. Scroll down for his insights about how employees have quite an advantage right now if they're seeking to change their jobs.

#1

I have always gone out of my may to allow colleagues with kids to have Christmas etc - but to be honest it is starting to annoy me.
With working from home I now find parents seem to believe they have an automatic right to disappear for the afternoon school run. If I said I am going for a non negotiable walk for half an hour at 3pm every day I would quickly be told i am required to attend meetings.
I do think work should be flexible, but I think some parents expect far too much.
Having children is a choice and a privilege. I shouldn’t have to work harder and longer to allow other people time off to enjoy family life simply because I don’t have children.
Mellowyellow222
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69points

"Since the job market is now very hot, employees have more options and more leverage. If the workplace environment doesn't improve after you bring up an issue, then most definitely look for a better fit elsewhere. Job hoppers are getting paid healthy premiums in this market," financial expert Sam, who created the Financial Samurai project, told Bored Panda that workers should realize they have an advantage in the current job market.

I was also interested to get Sam's take on how we can talk ourselves into relaxing over the holidays if we're used to working lots and might feel guilty about taking some time off. He said that we should look at this as an opportunity to recharge and gather our strength for the long road ahead.

#2

I don't think parents should have preferential treatment, or it should be first come first serve. Things like Christmas should be shared equally, if you don't have one Christmas off you can have the next instead etc. Otherwise you get the individual who books all the 'best' days off at the start of the year and screw anyone else who can't make plans that early
alanskisj
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65points

#3

Being a parent is my choice, it’s not for that choice to impact on other peoples ability to take annual leave. If you have to work holidays you have to find childcare, just the way it is.
audweb
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54points

"The best time to actually unwind is when your co-workers and your bosses unwind. That means during Christmas and other major holidays. Your boss will be busy spending time with their family and won't notice your absence as much. Another good time to take a break is the period right after year-end bonuses are decided," the expert said.

"Generally, 1Q is the busiest and most important time of the year. The more you can recharge during the winter holidays, the stronger you can come back and make things count when they count the most!" Sam explained that we should get ready for the first financial quarter.

#4

People keep mentioning childcare and it may be a problem for some. But that doesn't make it your colleagues problem or mean they can never get Christmas off because of your childcare issues.
But also, the vast majority of parents wanting Christmas off, want it off to spend time with their kids, not because of childcare. Which is fine. But other people want to spend time with their families too.
In summer, they want to spend time with their kids and save on holiday clubs. But also other people want time off in the summer.
Darkpheonix
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37points

#5

Yanbu I'm child free and have worked in jobs where parents got priority for summer and Christmas. I don't mind summer so much, but I have family (including family children) that I'd like to spend a decent amount of time with at Christmas.
It's also just as bad when you do get time off and then people automatically assume you'd be willing to swap with them because they have children.
RevolutionRadio
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35points

#6

I agree, having children doesn't give you any rights to specific time off. Ultimately having children is a choice and where I work it's first come first served
Add message | Report | See allBlinky21
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31points

The mom’s post on Mumsnet got quite a bit of attention online and in the media. It reminded people of the fact that, in some companies, employees who have children can sometimes get to call the shots when it comes to picking first when they’ll be going on vacation. What’s more, this preferential treatment can extend to better shift times and even getting to pick up extra shifts for additional income, too.

In short, some managers tend to give preference to workers who are most like them. If your boss has kids, odds are that they’ll be more sympathetic towards employees who are raising children of their own. However, this shouldn’t be an excuse for discrimination against workers who don’t have children (or choose not to, embracing the childfree lifestyle).

#7

I have only ever had 1 family Christmas 3 years ago when my brother was 40 because of those with kids made it impossible for us to actually be able to get time off so I think it needs to be fairly shared not people making lame excuses about childcare.
When I was little the same people got the time off and stamped their feet over Christmas and as a child both parents worked so we often spent time alone. As we grew up and my parents retired, me and my siblings who are childfree were then in a situation where we were unable to get time off as people demanded their time was more important.
People who are childfree also have families and it is sad we have never developed traditions or spent a Christmas ever with cousins etc and extended family.
Awalkintime
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30points

#8

I don't disagree, however as the parent of disabled DC which means it's nigh on impossible to use school holiday clubs, me not being able to take any leave in summer because all my single child-free colleagues booked it before me totally f**ks me over.
Their disabilities also make it more challenging to book things very far in advance, for a few different reasons.
Yes it was my decision to have children, it was not my decision to have children with disabilities.
I'm the only person with primary age DC at my workplace, and the only person with DC with disabilities, it wouldn't hurt the company or my colleagues if my holiday were prioritised some of the time.
nanbread
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22points

#9

Plenty of people without children might wish to have school holidays off, maybe their partner is a teacher so that's when they can go on holiday together, maybe try want to visit family with children when the children are off school.
I've seen people be particularly nasty about single people requesting leave over Christmas, when surely they might be traveling to visit family as logistically easier.
StrawBeretMoose
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21points

Eddy Ng, the Smith Professor of Equity & Inclusion at Queen’s University, formerly the James and Elizabeth Freeman Professor of Management at Bucknell University, told me some time ago that employers (this includes managers and HR) can be held responsible for inaction if there is discrimination at the workplace. For instance, if you find that you or a colleague of yours suffer from derogatory comments, you might want to consider making a human rights complaint.

"If repeated complaints about the toxic workplace to the manager or HR fall on deaf ears, then it is indicative that the employer is not taking the concern seriously and it's the cue that you should switch employers/workplace," the professor told Bored Panda.

#10

YANBU! A couple of places I've worked have given priority to parents for time off during summer holidays, Christmas etc - or the parents have sulked about it enough that the line managers have given in.
If it were made clear from the outset that I didn't have priority for those dates, I'd understand and never work there but it's not - it just rolls round to "Oh, you want that week off? Well, it's half term and Sarah has two little ones" or "I need to you to swap Boxing Day with me, we have a tradition with the kids and it's really important, you wouldn't get how important it is"... well, I have a life too, so no. F**k off.
(This is a point of personal annoyance, can you tell? Where I work now, only 2 people in 20 have kids and holiday is done by team, so it's not been an issue, but I always make sure my team get equal opportunity to take between Christmas and New Year off regardless of home situation).
housemaus
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21points

#11

Everyone should be treated fairly in the workplace. Childcare is not the responsibility of your colleagues or employer to manage for you. I had a colleague ask me to cancel my wedding as she had a childcare issue…my f**king wedding! I was off circa week but we were eloping so hadn’t told bc anyone. After being badgered by her fid 2 weeks I finally had to tell her ‘I will be 3 hours away from home, I’ve actually booked my wedding for that day!’ She then said ‘well can you cancel’ when I said no it is my WEDDING and bc everything was booked, paid and arranged she still saif ‘I’m sure you could shuffle it around a bit..,’
BashfulClam
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20points

#12

You're being facetious.
It's about the expectation to be given first dibs just because they are parents that puts them firmly in entitled territory.
FrangipaniBlue
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19points

The expert noted, however, that we should be on the lookout for signs the company is making positive changes and responding to employee feedback. “If management makes an effort for change, then it would be an opportunity to assist with that change,” he said that some organizations are addressing systemic discrimination and are engaging with employees while others aren’t.

"Generally, it is easier to look for another job while you are still in one, so you don't have to explain gaps in employment or past problems with a prospective employer," the professor said that we have to be strategic about how we switch jobs if we find ourselves in a constantly toxic environment.

#13

I'm an RN and we rotate holidays off. It's fair to everyone. If you work this year Christmas, you get it off next year. Nurses can trade holidays if they desire. It's fair for everyone. Everyone has a life, whether they have kids or not. If you work Christmas, just get up early to open gifts, and have a meal after. Or celebrate the day before. You make it work. It's not that big of a deal, kids or no kids.
Crystal CG
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18points

#14

Hmmm on the fence here as a parent, you have to accept to a degree that people will want that time off at certain ages. Equally, as someone who pays for a lot of childcare on holidays, it shouldn't be all the time. But what I don't understand is why people without kids would want to take holiday when the kids are off! I'd be avoiding it like the plague ;)
JazzyBBG
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17points

#15

I've been told by my work that they give Xmas off to those with children first. Whilst I may not have children, I shouldn't be penalised for it. I enjoy seeing family just as much as others do. I don't mind taking my turn to work but it shouldn't be expected.
Fiona Deans
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17points

However, he also pointed out that switching careers can be an opportunity to take some time off, “take stock, engage in career planning, and exploration and transition to new careers.” In other words, whether or not you choose to immediately jump into a new job or need some time to focus on a new plan depends entirely on your unique circumstances.

Bored Panda has touched on the topic of employees with and without families just last week in an article right over here that might interest you when you’re done reading this one.

#16

Once my kids were grown, I volunteered to work EITHER Christmas Eve or Christmas day each year. I garnered a lot of good will doing that.
Summer holidays are a bit different, and yes, EVERYone wants off in a short period of time. For those with children, it is the ONLY time to book a holiday, so there is that. However, some schools here in the USA (and not nearly enough of them, in my opinion) have started going year round. They go six weeks, then have two weeks off. After some initial mumbling and grumbling, parents found it easier to schedule holidays, and opened up things for them that they could never do before, such as skiing trips and such.
Mamanyt
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16points

#17

I once had a rota that meant I got Christmas Day, Boxing Day, NYE and NYD off
My colleague kicked off as I don't have children and was moaning how unfair it was I got the whole time off
Manager pointed out loudly I had worked every Christmas and new year for 8 years running and if she wanted to do that for the next 8 years then of course she could have a full Christmas off in year 9. She piped down then luckily as I was fuming
It was just the way my rota fell but after her moaning and the fact she hadn't ever worked a Christmas and NY, I wasn't swapping shifts!
NotMyCat
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14points

#18

I don't have kids of my own and I lost count of how many times parents asked me to change leave dates. It's like parents think that childless/free people have no life outside of work.
If parents expect the fact that they have kids not to be taken into account when applying & being considered for jobs, then they should not expect them to be taken into account at all at work.
YANBU at all, OP.
Westerman
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14points

#19

I think there should be flexibility for working parents but I do draw the line at annual leave.
Annual leave should be first come first served. If your a parent who struggles for childcare during holidays etc, you need to be organised months in advance. Simple as.
My both worked, and they still book all there annual leave a year in advance to ensure they get it.
Xmasprrssiehelp
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13points

#20

I agree, first come first serve and I'm a parent.
Before I had kids I was working full time as a nurse. One of the other was the managers favourite and her rota basically dictated ours, she got exactly whatever shifts she wanted and the rest of us had to work around her. Drove me mad!
Heartofglass12345
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11points
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