They say your upbringing is the foundation for every relationship you build later in life. So when you spend nearly all of your formative years bouncing from one foster home to another, it can be hard to settle with people who expect you to treat them as family. Even if you are related to them by blood.
Recently, a teenage guy shared his story on Reddit, asking for advice on how to handle his parents, who are hurt and confused that he doesn't have the same bond with them that they hoped for after bringing him back into their lives.
Adolescence is a difficult time for almost everyone
Image credits: Adrian Swancar / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But when you've spent it moving between foster homes, finding a place to belong becomes even harder
These parents expect their son will just pick up where they left off
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRASmyntha
Authorities do try to reunite families whenever possible
A new Child Trends analysis of federal foster care data shows that in the United States, reunification with their families continues to be the most common outcome for children when they leave foster care.
While adoption or legal guardianship also represent positive outcomes for children, safe reunification with family remains the priority whenever possible.
Aside from preserving a parent's fundamental right to raise their children, reunification is also meant to preserve the child's connections to their parents, siblings, culture, and community—factors that are central to their sense of identity, belonging, and long-term well-being.
Almost half (47%) of children who exited foster care in 2024 were reunited with their families. However, this figure has declined from 51 percent in 2014.
Additionally, 28% of children exiting foster care in 2024 were adopted, 18% entered guardianship, and roughly 8% ended up in another type of arrangement.
Young people with similar experiences are facing a lot of challenges trying to build themselves a foundation for life
Image credits: Mariela Ferbo / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Stepping back from this particular case, foster children usually want to retain some sort of connection with their families. The Midwest Evaluation of the Adult Functioning of Former Foster Youth: Outcomes at Age 19 is one of the largest longitudinal studies conducted on young people aging out of foster care in the United States.
Researchers followed more than 700 foster youth from Illinois, Iowa, and Wisconsin, comparing their experiences as they transitioned into adulthood. They found that family relationships remained important, despite participants' histories of abuse, neglect, or removal from home.
Most young adults reported feeling close to at least one biological family member, and many maintained contact with parents or siblings. However, these relationships often coexisted with significant instability and did not necessarily translate into reliable emotional or financial support. Many participants relied on a mix of family, friends, foster parents, or other adults rather than one stable support network.
For many, the transition to adulthood proved difficult. Compared with similarly aged peers in the general population, former foster youth were less likely to be enrolled in school or employed and were more likely to experience financial hardship. Many struggled to pay rent or utilities, lacked money for food or healthcare, or relied on government assistance. Housing instability was also common, with some participants experiencing homelessness or unstable living arrangements shortly after leaving care.
Mental and physical health also emerged as major concerns. Rates of depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and substance use disorders were considerably higher than among young adults in the general population.
Educational attainment lagged behind national averages as well. Although many participants expressed aspirations to attend college, relatively few had enrolled in postsecondary education by age 19. Employment outcomes reflected similar struggles. A substantial number were neither working nor attending school, putting them at greater risk of long-term economic instability. Early parenthood was another common challenge: about half of the young women had been pregnant at least once, and nearly one-third had become parents by age 19.
As his story went viral, the teen provided more details about his situation in the comments
People shared their advice and wished him the best of luck
