Talya Stone, a former editor-in-chief turned parenting blogger and the woman behind Motherhood: The Real Deal and 40 Now What, says it's important to understand that even though the subject of our toddler's tantrum may seem totally ludicrous to us, all our toddlers want is to be heard and understood.
"As much as you [feel the need] to roll your eyes and reprimand them/mock them/respond with disbelief for their seemingly unjustifiable demands, the best thing you can do at that moment in time is to listen and empathize with their frustration," Stone told Bored Panda. "You will find that validating their feelings is a great shortcut to reducing the chances of or cutting short a tantrum."
According to experts, it's normal for kids to have tantrums both often and rarely — they're a normal part of development. It's how young children show that they're upset or frustrated.
Tantrums may happen when kids are tired, hungry, or just uncomfortable in that particular situation. They can have a meltdown because they can't get something (like a toy) or someone to do what they want. Learning how to deal with emotions is a skill that children gain over time.
Toddlers want independence and control over their environment. Usually, more than they can handle. This can lead to power struggles as a child thinks 'I can do it myself' or 'I want it, give it to me.' When kids discover that they can't do it and can't have everything they want, they may have a tantrum.
As you probably already realized from the tweets, tantrums are common during the second year of life, when language skills are starting to develop and toddlers can't yet explain through words what they want, feel, or need. As their language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.
Here are some of the ways parents can help prevent tantrums from happening in the first place:
- Give plenty of positive attention. Get in the habit of catching your kid being good. Reward your little one with praise and attention for positive behavior.
- Try to give toddlers some control over little things. Consider offering minor choices such as "Do you want orange juice or apple juice?" or "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after taking a bath?" This way, you aren't asking "Do you want to brush your teeth now?" — which inevitably will be answered "no."
- Keep off-limits objects out of sight and out of reach. This makes the possibility of struggles less likely. Of course, this isn't always possible, especially outside of the home where the environment can't be controlled.
- Distract your child. Take advantage of your little one's short attention span and offer them something else in place of what they can't have. Start a new activity to replace the frustrating or forbidden one. Or simply change the environment. Take your toddler outside or inside or move to a different room.
- Help kids learn new skills and succeed. Praise them to help them feel proud of what they can do. Also, start with something simple before moving on to more complex tasks.
- Consider the request carefully when your child wants something. Is it outrageous? Maybe it isn't. Choose your battles.
- Know your child's limits. If you know your toddler is tired, it's not the best time to go grocery shopping or try to squeeze in one more errand.
Of course, every child and situation is different but personally, Talya Stone doesn't like ignoring tantrums, as she thinks this can make them worse. "I think intervening with a tantrum with empathy can make the situation better and diffuse a tantrum much more quickly than letting the tantrum ride itself out."
"However, it's also important to let your child be upset as they have big feelings they need to process and tantrums their inbuilt pressure valve system of dealing with them," she added. "It may be that they still need time to regroup even after you have tried to help them process their frustrations."
Again, temper tantrums are a normal, if frustrating, part of child development. On average, toddlers throw around one a day. Arm yourself with patience and good luck!
