You’ve likely heard this quote from Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice: “The sins of the father are to be laid upon the children.” It pertains to ancestral sin, in which children may suffer the consequences of their parents' actions in some way.
Many millennials, however, are going against this belief. They have vowed not to repeat the same mistakes their folks committed, which have caused them a great deal of trauma, pain, and sadness.
These people candidly shared their experiences in this recent Reddit thread. It covered a range of topics, from body shaming and forcing religion to sensitive issues like alcoholism. If you want to share anything, the comment boxes below are yours!
#1
Constantly offload the problems in their relationship on their children.
jormundgand20:
My mother still does this to my brother and I. At 13 I shouldn't have been playing therapist to a grown woman.
She's now a quad-divorcee. She'll probably die unmarried, and I can't help but feel she's envious of my much better marriage. Someone asked me why my marriage was so good. I said "I learned how NOT to be from my mother. I just do the exact opposite of what she did. Works great."
Relationships shouldn't be hard, at least not all the time.
jormundgand20:
My mother still does this to my brother and I. At 13 I shouldn't have been playing therapist to a grown woman.
She's now a quad-divorcee. She'll probably die unmarried, and I can't help but feel she's envious of my much better marriage. Someone asked me why my marriage was so good. I said "I learned how NOT to be from my mother. I just do the exact opposite of what she did. Works great."
Relationships shouldn't be hard, at least not all the time.
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53points
#2
Spanking, forcing my kid to eat food they don’t like, withholding food for any reason, forcing my kid to let adults touch them.
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49points
#3
Get into petty fights while on vacation and spending the rest of the vacation mad at each other. Seriously: every vacation memory from my childhood is of nothing but petty squabbles, and the first vacations I took as an adult without my parents seemed strange without some stupid petty drama ruining them.
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46points
#4
I worked my whole summer when I was 15. I saved up around $1500 and my dad opened a bank account for me and put my money in there. I never touched it after that, didn’t even know how to access it if I wanted to.
3 years later I’m starting college and I’m at the bookstore getting my textbooks for my first semester. I call my dad and ask him if he wouldn’t mind helping me buy the books and he said “You’re 18 now, I’m done!” I was like, “WTF?! Well then let me get my money from my account.”
He says “What money? You spent it all” I asked when and he said every time he asked me if I wanted something like shoes or a jersey he was using that money to buy it. Sounds like b******t to this day. Either way he said the money was gone.
That is one thing I will **Never Ever** do, especially to my kid. F**k them over and spend their money.
3 years later I’m starting college and I’m at the bookstore getting my textbooks for my first semester. I call my dad and ask him if he wouldn’t mind helping me buy the books and he said “You’re 18 now, I’m done!” I was like, “WTF?! Well then let me get my money from my account.”
He says “What money? You spent it all” I asked when and he said every time he asked me if I wanted something like shoes or a jersey he was using that money to buy it. Sounds like b******t to this day. Either way he said the money was gone.
That is one thing I will **Never Ever** do, especially to my kid. F**k them over and spend their money.
42points
#5
Treat my own child as a burden.
steffie-flies:
I never understood this logic. My parents had three before adopting me, and they hated all of us. I mean, why didn't you stop at the first if you realized it wasn't working?
steffie-flies:
I never understood this logic. My parents had three before adopting me, and they hated all of us. I mean, why didn't you stop at the first if you realized it wasn't working?
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40points
#6
When I was very young I got an allowance every week, $5 to me and $5 to a bank account.
At some point, when I was probably 7 or 8, my mom went on an adults only trip to Disneyland with her parents and siblings. My mom brought me back some Winnie the Pooh pencils and a Mickey Mouse cup. That’s what my money bought me, she spent every single penny that was in my bank account to fund her trip. My dad had no idea and thought her family paid for the trip. We were poor so there was no way my dad could replace the money and my allowance ended after that.
As an adult it’s something my dad and I will randomly joke about (my parents are divorced now and can’t stand each other) but as a kid it hurt to know that not only did I not get to go to Disneyland but all of my money was also gone.
At some point, when I was probably 7 or 8, my mom went on an adults only trip to Disneyland with her parents and siblings. My mom brought me back some Winnie the Pooh pencils and a Mickey Mouse cup. That’s what my money bought me, she spent every single penny that was in my bank account to fund her trip. My dad had no idea and thought her family paid for the trip. We were poor so there was no way my dad could replace the money and my allowance ended after that.
As an adult it’s something my dad and I will randomly joke about (my parents are divorced now and can’t stand each other) but as a kid it hurt to know that not only did I not get to go to Disneyland but all of my money was also gone.
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40points
#7
Smoking is the big one. I remember as a kid waking up before my parents, and I always knew when they woke up because I could smell the smoke from my room. It was absolutely disgusting. I’m so glad smoking indoors has become mostly obsolete (at least where I live) because there was nothing worse than being bombarded with the smell of cigarette smoke any time you walked into a restaurant or the house of a heavy smoker.
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39points
#8
Talk bad about my spouse in front of my kids, or air any marital disputes with them.
38points
#9
Talk to my children like they are my therapist. When I was a kid I knew way too much about the personal struggles my mom faced and I felt responsible for fixing them. I have horrendous anxiety to this day and always feel like it’s my job to fix her problems.
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38points
#10
Force them to go to church.
hellabills14:
I really wish my grandmother taught me how to cope with life’s trauma effectively instead of going to church twice a week.
hellabills14:
I really wish my grandmother taught me how to cope with life’s trauma effectively instead of going to church twice a week.
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37points
#11
Yelling.
Unless my child has wandered off and is about to step in front of a moving car (like in Stephen King's book Pet Sematary) I don't see the need to yell at a child. I've yelled at kids before, and it is always when their about to touch a burning stove or they've climbed at the top of the swings and decide to jump off.... lol.
^ those are protective, guttural, paternal, instinctive yells. Like screaming *"FIRE!"* when you see a fire.
Yelling at your child, so close to their face, they can feel your spit - just because they left crumbs on the counter is abusive and there is NEVER reason or justification for that. If you are that wound-up, or your nervous system is on high alert that a drop of the hat makes you scream, you need to see a doctor. Its not normal behavior.
Unless my child has wandered off and is about to step in front of a moving car (like in Stephen King's book Pet Sematary) I don't see the need to yell at a child. I've yelled at kids before, and it is always when their about to touch a burning stove or they've climbed at the top of the swings and decide to jump off.... lol.
^ those are protective, guttural, paternal, instinctive yells. Like screaming *"FIRE!"* when you see a fire.
Yelling at your child, so close to their face, they can feel your spit - just because they left crumbs on the counter is abusive and there is NEVER reason or justification for that. If you are that wound-up, or your nervous system is on high alert that a drop of the hat makes you scream, you need to see a doctor. Its not normal behavior.
35points
#12
Keeping my yard looking like a golf course. I'm not going to spend half my day off trying to impress people I don't know with something that I don't find too impressive in itself. Besides, a "yard" is not sustainable when treated that way!
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32points
#13
1. Talk negatively about my body.
2. S**t shame my daughters.
Embarrassed_Edge3992:
My dad used to call me names and make fun of my weight when I was a teenager. He thought he could shame me into losing it. It did not work, in fact, it did the opposite.
slightlysadpeach:
Emotional ab*se is mine too, mixed in with a sprinkling of physical. I’d never put a child through that and it’s a huge reason I’m low contact now. I am still f**ked up by how mean my parents were to me.
2. S**t shame my daughters.
Embarrassed_Edge3992:
My dad used to call me names and make fun of my weight when I was a teenager. He thought he could shame me into losing it. It did not work, in fact, it did the opposite.
slightlysadpeach:
Emotional ab*se is mine too, mixed in with a sprinkling of physical. I’d never put a child through that and it’s a huge reason I’m low contact now. I am still f**ked up by how mean my parents were to me.
30points
#14
Conditional love.
I’ve finally realized the source of my excruciating perfectionism, which is my parents only showing love/ affection/ approval of me if I did the right thing.
My kids will know they are loved no matter what.
I’ve finally realized the source of my excruciating perfectionism, which is my parents only showing love/ affection/ approval of me if I did the right thing.
My kids will know they are loved no matter what.
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28points
#15
Stay in a failing, toxic, horrible marriage.
Kramanos:
Staying married despite hating each other. My Mom is so much happier since my Dad died. It's sad to think he never got the chance to be happy without her in his life.
They could have been two rad happy people, but no, religious convictions about divorce took that possibility away.
Kramanos:
Staying married despite hating each other. My Mom is so much happier since my Dad died. It's sad to think he never got the chance to be happy without her in his life.
They could have been two rad happy people, but no, religious convictions about divorce took that possibility away.
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27points
#16
Fear-based parenting.
CurbsideChaos:
My (34f) mother (69f) told me last year, in our first true conversation in years, that her and my father hit me when I was a kid because they "didn't know what else to do".
And my siblings (who did not receive said punishment) wonder why I'm no contact with my parents.
CurbsideChaos:
My (34f) mother (69f) told me last year, in our first true conversation in years, that her and my father hit me when I was a kid because they "didn't know what else to do".
And my siblings (who did not receive said punishment) wonder why I'm no contact with my parents.
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25points
#17
Belittle my kids. Being condescending is not the way.
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25points
#18
Say things to my kids I don’t know to be 100% true. I can think of so many examples of things my parents told me that I later found out to not be true. It’s ok to tell your kids you don’t know something rather than just make up some bs.
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23points
#19
Turn every single emotion into rage and then project that rage to every person in my home, making their lives miserable and causing them to walk on eggshells every second of every day.
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23points
#20
Moralize food and eating and fat shame them. I also don't plan on cheating on my husband.
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22points