Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. What works for you may not work for your friend, your neighbor, or anyone else, for that matter. We all have different needs and different definitions of what love should look like.
But usually, those definitions should at least be similar to your partner’s. Maybe neither of you wants children, or maybe you both agree that being a stay-at-home parent is how you want to live your life. Either way, it needs to go both ways. But one woman on r/relationship_advice shared that she wanted to open her relationship against her partner’s wishes, and it didn’t go exactly as planned.
An open relationship may work for some people, but not everyone wants to be in that kind of situation
A woman realized she was unhappy with her partner, and in an attempt to spice things up, she begged her boyfriend to open up their relationship despite his warnings
Readers immediately realized she was the problem, and that she had to live with the consequences of her own actions
In an update, the woman announced she had been kicked out of his house
Most readers firmly believed the woman was overstepping
Experts affirm that opening up a relationship as a patch for boredom will, almost always, lead to a breakup
Relationship experts, contrary to what many people may believe, do not automatically frown upon consensual non-monogamy (CNM). In fact, researchers like Dr. Justin Lehmiller and Dr. Amy Moors have noted that these relationships tend to work best when built on a stable, highly communicative foundation. But that is not what we’re seeing in this story. Instead, the woman uses an open relationship to address her boredom, which ultimately creates a power imbalance and resentment.
But after her insistence, the boyfriend agreed to the arrangement but explicitly set a boundary: If he fell in love with someone else, he would leave the relationship. Psychologists at the University of Texas at Austin have suggested that human mating strategies aren't limited to lifelong monogamy or casual flings. Instead, people can weigh their current relationships against other options. That is exactly what the woman didn’t expect her boyfriend to do, despite his warning.
And, well, the man found something with “Jess” that was a stark contrast to what he had with the narrator. In polyamorous communities, NRE, or “new relationship energy,” refers to the intense excitement and heightened emotions that can come with a new relationship. He experienced this with his new partner, while his relationship with the narrator had already left him dissatisfied with how she viewed and treated him.
Social media oversimplifies complex relationship structures into aesthetic trends
And then, of course, the woman blamed TikTok for changing her mind about her relationship. While it may be easy to blame a third party, she’s not entirely wrong. Academic studies show that young adults increasingly rely on social platforms for socialization. The rapid consumption of idealized romantic content can create unrealistic expectations and standards, leading people to compare their partners to the relationships they see in videos.
Ultimately, the woman refused to accept his boundary and rejection, became obsessed, and escalated the situation while blaming everyone else but herself. Anthropologist Helen Fisher found that when someone is rejected by a romantic partner, brain areas associated with reward and motivation can become more active. This may help explain why romantic rejection can trigger obsessive thoughts and behaviors that have some similarities to withdrawal.
So, what can the woman do now? Well, for starters, relationship therapists often suggest moving from denial and bargaining toward radical acceptance. Instead of trying to prove that her ex’s new partner is a “psychopath,” she could focus on accepting that her ex has chosen to end the relationship and move on. And, well, she does say she’s in therapy, so perhaps seeking tools to help her process the breakup would be a good place to start.
So, what do you think, Pandas? Do you know someone who opened up their relationship only for it to backfire? Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, do you know someone whose open relationship actually worked out? Let us know!
In a third update, the woman announced she had moved back home in Arizona, but that the ex-boyfriend has filed a restraining order
Most people were baffled that she only blamed TikTok over her decisions
The last update came, and the woman still believes she should be with her ex-boyfriend instead of his current wife
Ultimately, none of the readers sided with the woman, despite the many updates to the story
