A lot of people try to give meaning to their lives by building a house, planting a tree, and bringing up a child. There are some, however, who are content with just the first two options. In fact, recent U.S. population surveys show that a record percentage of women don’t have kids. Recently, reddit user throwawaygeneral8899 (who is currently getting married) decided to find out how these people are dealing with the consequences of their choice. They created a post asking "Older couples that decided to not have children ...how do you feel about your decision now that years have passed?" The responses started pouring in quickly, and you can really feel the honesty behind them.
#21
My wife and I have been married for 12 years - I am 36 and she is 40, so, yeah, likely not in the cards. It is a reality that, while tough, I am slowly learning to accept.
I realized that as a guy, I always look at having kids with rose-colored glasses - ball games, working on my classic car with them, dad jokes, the fun stuff. That's easy for me as it's not my body and sacrifice. My wife is not on board and it's her body and I love and respect her to much to force her hand. If either one of us are not 100% ok with a major decision, we don't do it, end of discussion.
I look forward to spoiling my nieces and nephews and spending more time with my wife and continuing to make our world about us, forever.
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41points
#22
No regrets.
Until I was in my mid-20s I always thought I wanted kids. Then I stayed with a couple I knew who had toddlers. They were nice kids, but I remember one Saturday morning they poked me awake for cereal. It was an epiphany. I remember thinking "I will never want this."
Fast forward several decades. Not too long ago I was at a family function with an 8 year old. He's not a bad kid, but Christ it was just...loud. Everything was just really loud. XBox, talking all the time, interrupting with questions. Mind you, I'm not complaining about the childrens behavior. They were better than average, from what I can tell. I'm just celebrating my decision not to get involved.
I am soooo happy I did not subject myself to that.
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40points
#23
I wanted them but never met the right person. I'm REALLY glad I didnt have any of my previous partners- they would either have made terrible mothers or we just did not make for a healthy couple.
I have the perfect partner now, and she did fall pregnant, but we lost the baby to Dandy Walker syndrome. Getting a bit too old to try again now. I am very upset that I will not have children, but I don't regret not having children with anyone but my current partner.
I have the perfect partner now, and she did fall pregnant, but we lost the baby to Dandy Walker syndrome. Getting a bit too old to try again now. I am very upset that I will not have children, but I don't regret not having children with anyone but my current partner.
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38points
#24
I go through phases where I regret not having a kid, I still have plenty of time: My wife and I are 36, but we made the decision to be childless a decade ago, maybe more.
I understand the appeal of having children and feel it on some primal level, but logically the pros vs. cons of having a kid... there are just far too many cons.
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33points
#25
I’m sad and in many ways I think my husband is also. He is terrific around our friends’ kids. Me not so much. But I see the unbelievable love that my friends have for their children and that is something I will never know. We’ve had great careers and have a wonderful life together. But it is also true that we also are very much alone without family. Our siblings all live far away and parents are gone. So when we die,that’s it. We have lived a self absorbed life is my guess. It doesn’t feel that good deep down.
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32points
#26
I go back and forth. My SO has some significant mental health issues and I know that I would be alone doing much of the emotional labor of raising a child, and I know I'm not really capable of doing it alone. Sometimes I worry very much about what I will do when I am old. I'm an introvert and dont have many friends and am not overly likable, so I assume I will be alone. I just hope that there are some kind robots to take care of me, and that I'll die before the robots turn on us.
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27points
#27
I love our decision not to have kids. I’ve always had trouble adulting well and the idea of spending all my spare cash on diapers and bottles didn’t appeal to me. I’m selfish, so is the husband, and we are okay with that. I have to prepare for old age because I’m not going to have any kids to look out for me when I’m frail and senile, which sometimes worries me, but then I remember that I didn’t have to raise kids and I smile a bit.
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26points
#28
For my spouse, I can only say that they have physical and psychological issues that they've mentioned that they'd rather not pass on to a child.
For myself, I've always said that while I'm occasionally afraid that someday I might regret not having children, that's not the same as wanting children, and that's an important difference to me. I have my own reasons to believe I'd probably not be a good parent.
Yeah, we both get concerned sometimes whether anyone will be arsed to care about the sole survivor once the other's gone or incapacitated. But this thought is the result of our decisions, not a basis for changing our minds about having kids, which we will not. Having kids or not is no guarantee that you’ll end up cared for or not anyway, though it does probably move the needle on your odds.
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25points
#29
Not older, I'm 34 and my wife is 31. Our lives are pretty f**king awesome. We do whatever we want whenever we want, and our focus and attention is on one-another. This really is the life for me, and she would tell you the exact same thing about herself. We are also the super-cool-but-quirky aunt and uncle that spoil the nieces and nephews, take them to do s**t their parents wouldn't usually/ever do... I mean it's great. I feel I'm surrounded by far, far too many people who are far, far to envious of us when they hear about our lives vs theirs, completely consumed by their children.
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24points
#30
We are in our late fifties, we earn average money but because we don't have kids we have a lot of disposable income. Also I don't think I could have coped with the worry of having a child in today's horrible world. Both our mothers are in homes. We still make sure they're ok. There's no one to look after us. I sometimes want to ask my wife if she regrets not having kids but daren't. If she said yes it would destroy me.
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22points