Insulting others has become one of society's new favorite sports. We laugh at ordinary people being put down, and pay good money to see celebrities being roasted. It's all in the name of fun. Or at least, it's supposed to be.
Jeff Ross is one of the world's top insult comedians, or roasters. “You really are the ugliest man in America," he once fired at hip-hop icon and reality star Flavor Flav. "I mean, how do you roast charcoal?”
“Man, you have really let yourself boldly go. If Scotty tried to beam you up now you’d break the f*n’ transporter,” he said to William Shatner.
According to Ross, who is known as the Roastmaster General, we only roast the ones we love...
The comedian says he grew up in New Jersey and was "kind of a scrawny kid." Working in his father's catering hall kitchen taught him to literally dish it out and take it. Ross believes that everyone needs a thick skin in order to survive.
"Life is tough. I've been on my own, you know - my parents passed away when I was a teenager, so I had to learn different survival techniques, I think, in comedy," he told WYSO radio. "You know, using comedy as a pressure release, as a release valve in life really kept my sanity."
For Ross, roasting is never about hurting feelings, but rather, making people laugh. And wanting everyone to leave in a good mood.
Izzy Kalman, a Certified School Psychologist and expert on how to deal with bullying agrees that roasting is not meant to do harm.
"Engaging in roasts, whether as insulter or target, is not evil or subversive. It is healthy and fun," he says. "The purpose is not to hurt people but to promote resilience and sense of humor."
Kalman believes that if we want kids to be resilient, we need to replace the standard anti-bullying teachings, and allow them to take a leaf out of the books of some our funniest comedians.
Other experts say that roasting or teasing in relationships can bring people closer together. When done right, and not in a mean-spirited way, it's a form of playfulness. And researchers say that in romantic relationships, playfulness doesn't just spark the occasional laugh. It can also create a sense of security, offer a way to communicate, and even help us resolve conflicts.
"A playful remark or gesture can also loosen up a tense situation, reminding your significant other that despite whatever stresses you’re under, you’re still in a safe and loving relationship," explains Berkeley College's Greater Good magazine. "It takes a great deal of social intelligence to know when a gentle joke in the middle of a fight might make your partner crack a smile—but the research suggests that’s a skill well worth developing."
It adds that it should come as no surprise that playful couples are often happy couples.
Roasting your partner also helps teach boundaries. "Healthy roasting in a relationship doesn’t hurt feelings on purpose, it’s playful, not personal," notes The Good Men Project, echoing the sentiments of Jeff Ross and other experts.
When partners tease each other often, they naturally learn what topics are funny, which ones aren't, and when they've gone too far. "This kind of give-and-take is a silent way of learning boundaries, without needing big arguments about what’s okay and what’s not," adds the site.
