82 Ridiculous House Rules That Somehow Became Sacred Law In These Families

We must at least have underwear on for meals. Please use your own underwear.
Edit to add- it is for small children. I am horrified at the comments about the grown people not understanding this, w*f!

Under no circumstances do you say the word "porch". It must be spelled out. The corgi goes insane if he hears it and will not stop screaming until you let him go out there so he can bark at the entire neighborhood.

Push in the kitchen chairs when you are not sitting. For some reason the cats understand they should not be on the kitchen table unless a chair is left out, then they think it is an invitation.

No shoes in the house, can’t tell ya how many people thought it was weird.

No dilly dallying by the front door. One of my cats is an escape artist and I don’t want to chase her a*s down two flights of stairs because you couldn’t move your a*s fast enough to cross the threshold and close the door behind you.

Unplug the coffee maker when you leave, no candles, and no dryer going when not there.

No singing at dinner. My youngest was easily distracted at meal times and would sing instead of eating, then the older one would join in.

Absolutely no silly putty. That c**p gets ground into and stuck in everything it comes into contact with.

No personal ponds. Also, you can love excavators all you want, but you may not cheer for them if they are digging an active grave, or if the family of the bereaved is present.

1. If you go #2, watch to make sure it goes down.

2. Carving knives and soy sauce bottles do not go in the bed. Eyeglasses do not go on the bathroom floor. 

3. No nail clippings or socks on food prep surfaces. 

4. Warn the room before causing a loud noise or turning on the big light (it can be as simple as saying "Noise!" or "light!" And giving a second for the warning to process before proceeding)

 Everyone in my household is neurodivergent. .

Kids have to ask before going up and down the stairs at grandmas house so we can escort them.  The cat *will* try to m****r you on the stairs and kids don't have risk aversion or situational awareness.

Always treat the clothes iron like it's hot.

Check the blankets on the couch before you sit down. Our boston terrier likes to wrap himself up like a burrito and if he isn't snoring you don't always know he's there.

Only harvest half of the native chili peppers in the yard.

The other half are for the birds to feed on to propagate the seeds. There's no month in the last 2 decades where we have no pepper plant.

We always at least rinse the top of drink cans before we drink out of them.

I used to work in a beer warehouse.

You have to pack your (used) toilet paper with you when leave...it can't be flushed...yes, I live on a boat and even biodegradable paper products gum up the works...I DO dispense brown paper bags for my guests to do it in stealth mode..
Surprisingly, my friends suddenly seem to be able to wait when I mention that in response to "where's the bathroom?".

The concept of "leisure milk"

As in, you cannot just leisurely drink a whole glass of milk if we're low. (Below 1/4 of the gallon, thats about a liter for those with a good measurement system)

That's for cooking or a small bowl of cereal. Drink water if you're thirsty.

Unless you are using the remote control, you put it away in its drawer. When you are done using the pencil/pen, put it away in its drawer.

Her name is Opal, and she is a boxer/staffy cross.

Cups must be above the "equator" of the plate. This prevents daily inadvertent elbowing of cups onto the floor. The penalty for improper cup placement is four pushups. 'shups for cups.

Always check the fridge before closing the door.

(I have a little weirdo of a cat who's f*****g obsessed with getting in there. 😹)

ETA: [cat tax!](https://imgur.com/a/SabNn8R).

Don’t use my clothes iron as a ski wax iron.

Don’t use my blender for rock climbing chalk.