There is quantitative evidence that society holds differing views about masculinity, too. For example, a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center revealed that more Americans say people in the U.S. have mostly positive views of men who are manly or masculine (43%) than they say people have mostly negative views (25%).
About three-in-ten (31%) say most people have neither positive nor negative views of these men.
Of those who say people in the U.S. have mostly positive views of masculine men, more see this as a good thing (47%) than a bad thing (7%). Some 46% say it’s neither good nor bad that people have mostly positive views of masculine men.
When thinking about how men are viewed in the United States these days, 60% of Americans say most people don’t place enough value on men who are caring or open about their emotions.
The majority also say most people don’t value soft-spoken or affectionate men enough (55% each).
Views are more split when it comes to traits that tend to be associated with traditional masculinity. For example, similar shares say society values men who are confident too much (26%) as those that say they’re valued too little (27%).
And the public leans toward saying there’s too much value (rather than too little value) placed on men who are:
- Assertive (34% vs. 25%);
- Risk-takers (33% vs. 22%);
- Physically strong (38% vs. 19%).
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These days, we hear a lot about the “masculinity crisis” and how to help men. But psychologist Thomas Jefferys, Ph.D., who writes about men’s inner lives, drawing on his clinical work and his role as founder of a men’s retreat center in Upstate New York, United States, says that over the years, he’s met plenty of men who already know what they need to do: tell the truth, face the pain, set the boundary, and stop running, but are still struggling.
The problem, according to Jefferys, isn’t insight. It’s action. Or rather, a lack of it.
“What stops them isn’t ignorance. It could be things like anger, guilt, some shame ... I’ve come to think of this pattern as what I call the Shakespeare Complex.”
“In Shakespeare’s plays, the audience usually knows what must be done long before the final act arrives. The tension in the story isn’t what the protagonist should do; it’s whether he has the courage, clarity, or inner freedom to do it. The drama lives in the delay between awareness and action. Men today live in that same space,” the psychologist explains his analogy.
Jefferys believes men are not so much confused as they are conflicted. “They know what is required of them, but are held back by unexamined beliefs—about responsibility, misplaced loyalties, masculinity, failure, and the cost of choosing themselves.”
“Anger often masks sadness. Guilt disguises fear. Shame convinces them that movement itself is dangerous. And anything that even hints at shame is usually on their do-not-examine list,” the psychologist says. “So they distract, minimize, work harder, drink more, stay busy, mislead themselves, or just go silent. What appears as endurance is often just disconnection over time.”
Jefferys says awareness without movement becomes its own form of suffering.
Over time, that suffering can pull men into resignation, resentment, self-defeating behaviors, or desperation.
“For some, indifference follows right behind desperation. And what begins as hesitation quietly becomes a way of life,” he says. “This is not a failure of character. It is a failure of awareness, the kind that comes from never fully excavating the causes, beliefs, loyalties, and fears shaping a man’s choices.”
