Parenting Things That Might Sound Good, But Are Actually Toxic Parenting (30 Answers)

Not taking the time to explain themselves on certain topics. The whole 'do as I say because I said so' or 'because I had you' is not effective.

Try to fill every minute with organized activities such as traveling sports leagues. Don't get me wrong, some extra curricular activities are good, but when your kids never have an unaccounted for minute I think it has a negative impact.

Not apologize when they’re wrong

They fail at letting their kids fail and figure out how to recover. It prevents the kids from becoming resilient.

Not discussing money with them.

I'm not saying parents should dump their financial stress on their kids, but things like budgeting, taxes, and personal finance discussions would've helped me tremendously.

Over sheltering them. You can't protect your kids 24/7 for their whole lives. It leads to naive adults that get taken advantage of.

Comparing them with other kids🤦

Shouting at them instead of having a conversation

Might sound a little contradictory but either not disciplining them or disciplining them way too much

Passing on food issues by commenting on their children's weight or what they eat etc. Or commenting on their own weight and food habits-- always dieting and putting themselves down.

I am so lucky my parents and family have a healthy relationship with food, and thus I do as well. I have adult friends who have all kinds of messed up food issues precisely bc their parents messed them up.

Telling them "That's nothing to be sad over, some kids don't even have ______"

Now I repress my feelings and cry whenever I have to let them out, never believing they're valid :)

Not encouraging them to learn basic skills like cooking for fear it’ll *MaKe a MeSs*

Never telling them 'no'

Treating sons and daughters differently.

I'll add my two cents here, not seeking therapy for kids who are showing signs of depression or other mental issues because they think they are just "a little sad" or "he'll get over it"

Yelling at them for dropping/breaking/spilling stuff.

Not their fault!

And way to teach them they can’t come to you when they accidentally f**k up in the future.

Putting excessive pressure on their children to meet their own unfulfilled aspirations.

Forcing them to interact with their adult friends, then ridiculing them for not wanting to socialize with rando adults, and then humiliating them by bringing up an embarrassing moment as a "hilarious" anecdote.

*"Come on down and say hi!"*

*"OH, LOOK WHO FINALLY DECIDED TO JOIN US!"*

*"Oh, this is the funniest thing! Did you know she still wet her bed until she was six! Six! AHAHAAHAHAH!"*

Not letting them learn how to mourn.

On a grander scale, there’s this idea of not letting your children suffer. We all know it’s important to let them struggle a little to learn how to cope.

But one no one ever talks about is allowing your child to mourn a loss. If a beloved toy breaks, go buy a replacement ASAP! If a pet fish dies, go buy a replacement ASAP! You’re teaching the kid to just replace things they’ve lost instead of processing the loss. So what happens when they lose something that can’t be replaced? They don’t know what to do or how to handle it. Like, let your kid cry over their dead fish for a few days and bury it in the garden with some flowers before asking if they’d like another.

People think it’s small, oh it’s just a toy, but losing a beloved toy is likely the closest thing a kid has to losing a person or a pet they’ve had for years like a dog. Let them learn to mourn their lost teddy bear so they’ll build those processes and when older, can mourn the family dog, etc.

Forcing them to eat. My mom always made me finish my plate, eating disorder and lifelong obesity ensued. I've successfully quit smoking way easier than going on an effective diet.