Kids need clear boundaries to help them understand the limits of what kind of behavior is acceptable. Without them, they might grow up to be entitled people who lash out at everyone around them when things don’t go their way. How strict those boundaries are will depend on your parenting style, but coddling someone who misbehaves and hurts others is certainly no way to go.
Redditor u/Senior-Motor2647, a 23-year-old nanny, opened up to the r/MaliciousCompliance online community about just how awful her former client’s two-year-old son was behaving. His temper tantrums were so bad that he ended up pushing the OP down the stairs. However, the boy’s mom, who wasn’t a fan of any type of discipline, was horrified that she put him in a ‘time out.’ So the nanny decided to follow the mom’s demands to the letter. Scroll down for the full story.
Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the post redditor u/Senior-Motor2647, who was kind enough to share a bit more about what happened, how the family has adapted its parenting, and why she loves being a nanny so much. Read on for our full interview with her.
Without any rules or consequences at home, kids are likely to grow up not knowing how to behave properly
Image credits: TatyanaOt (not the actual photo)
A nanny shared how one of her clients' kids pushed her down the stairs. The mom's reaction to this, however, wasn't quite what she'd expected
Image credits: Henry Burrows (not the actual photo)
Image credits: s_kawee (not the actual photo)
Image credits: davidprahl (not the actual photo)
Image credits: StudioLucky (not the actual photo)
The woman later updated her story with some good news
Image credits: Senior-Motor2647
"I was not hurt too bad. No real injuries"
"I was upset when he pushed and bit me. But I understood when he did it that he is only a toddler and partly this is due to the parents, so as upset as I was, I just kept my calm," the nanny told Bored Panda via Reddit. "I was not hurt too bad. When I fell down the stairs, it was more me sliding down the stairs. No real injuries. And I had a nasty bruise from the bite but no blood or broken skin."
Redditor u/Senior-Motor2647 shared that the mom from her story may be feeling overwhelmed taking care of so many kids. "Since she homeschools them, she doesn't get out much and is on the idea that some fights just aren't worth it," the OP pondered why the mom might not have wanted to discipline her misbehaving toddler.
"Also, with how young he is, she thought he was too young for punishment. Obviously, I disagreed," the nanny said.
However, the OP stressed the fact that "this family is loving." The kids barely ever misbehaved, until recently, around the last month or two. "So I had never had a bad experience with them until this incident. And since then, they have started a discipline technique with the child, and it has been working fairly well."
Bored Panda was very interested to hear the OP's thoughts on the pros and cons of her job. We were also curious what advice she'd give anyone who wants to work as a babysitter. Patience and boundary-setting are vital in this job.
"I love being a nanny. And one thing I would always suggest is to get the discipline plan upfront. Also, make sure you draw a line between parenting and nannying. Some parents think that you should parent the kids even if they can't. Make sure there is that boundary. It is not your responsibility to parent. You follow the parenting plan," she explained to us.
"The pros of this job are that if you love kids, it can be a great early experience for being a parent and handling kids. I have worked with several families and have great relationships with the kids," redditor u/Senior-Motor2647 said, adding that she loves watching them grow up.
"Some cons are you won't always have great experiences. Like mine or maybe worse if you don't have information on the family. Kids can be difficult and so can parents. Sometimes, the parents are worse than the kids. You have to have serious patience with them and if you think you can't then maybe it's not the job for you."
At the time, the parents didn't seem to be willing to discipline their tantrum-throwing toddler
The nanny explained on Reddit how the child’s temper tantrums were getting completely out of hand. He kept screaming, throwing things, hitting others, and making a mess. And aside from pushing the babysitter down the stairs, he also bit her.
Now, obviously, these sorts of conditions aren’t ideal. So u/Senior-Motor2647 did what any good nanny would do and tried to show the boy that his actions have consequences. In this case—a short time out. Unfortunately, his mom wasn’t on board with this. She felt that he was too young to be disciplined. Instead, she rewarded his bad behavior by pretending that it was no big deal.
To teach the mom a small lesson, the nanny decided that she wouldn’t discipline the tantrum-loving toddler at all. His mom’s jaw dropped when she came back home and saw the state of her home. Though the nanny ended up getting paid extra for the incident with the stairs, she didn’t get anything for getting bitten. Meanwhile, she’s finishing up her current low-paying babysitting gig in early May.
Authoritative parenting tends to give the best results
So long as you’re not being negligent, it’s entirely up to you how you raise your child. However, if you’re a fan of promoting kids’ independence and self-reliance, you still have to keep in mind that this doesn’t mean the complete absence of rules. They help guide kids and promote behavior that will help them thrive in society.
If someone is aggressive, selfish, intolerant, and prone to yelling at everyone, they won’t make many friends and will have an incredibly tough time both at school, university, and in the job market. After all, most parents probably want their lil’ munchkins to grow to be kind, caring, compassionate people. It would then make sense that they’d try to instill the very same values in them that they themselves value. Rewarding bad behavior simply sends mixed messages.
There are four main parenting styles—authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, uninvolved—and it’s likely that the way that you raise your children falls into one of these main categories. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean that a kid’s parents will both have the same approach.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (aka the AAP) recommends taking the authoritative approach to discipline, as this helps raise kids to be responsible, happy, successful, and self-advocating grownups. Authoritative parents enforce rules while also striving to create positive relationships with their children, ‘Very Well Family’ explains. They enforce rules while making the reasons behind them clear, are transparent about consequences, and also take their munchkins’ feelings into account.
Other types of parenting tend to be either far too strict or way too lenient
However, authoritative parenting shouldn’t be mixed up with authoritarian discipline. The latter tends to focus on obedience and punishment while generally ignoring what the kids think and feel. Contrast that with permissive parenting where the grownups barely enforce any rules (if at all) and generally don’t interfere much in their children’s lives.
Meanwhile, uninvolved parents barely spend any time with their kids, don’t know what’s going on in their lives, and don’t set many rules at home. Some uninvolved parents may be busy with their careers, dealing with personal problems, or even neglectful, but this isn’t always the case.
The babysitter shared a bit more information about her job and clients in the comments
Here's what some internet users had to say about the situation. Some were shocked, others had some advice for the nanny
