42 Women Share Extremely Specific Red Flags They Learned Because Of Their Exes

He doesnt like going to the barbeshop and having an adult male do his hair. he thinks its gay to have anither guy touch his head.

Always want a woman and doesnt like getting the free shampoo, and head massage. He said he emphatizes with the boyfriend of the “pretty” hair dresser. He wouldnt want his girlfriend touching other guys head like that.

My ex liked to talk competitively with his boy crews. When I talked to him about this, he said it is just how male friendships supposed to be.


Nope. He was just arrogant and his male friends ended up ditching him. Of course he said: "tHe DitChINg cAMe Out Of NOwhERe!!!" 🙄🙄🙄🙄.

I found out about malicious incompetence from my ex. Until him, I never met anyone who purposely did things horribly.

He introduced me to 4chan and said he went there every day to keep up with the news, without seeing anything “too disturbing”, which is literally the mainly kind of thing there.

He was a culture snob, only read classic literature or award winning modern fiction, wouldn’t listen to up and coming music, wouldn’t watch any TV.

He was the 2000s version of a performative man.

He had never been in love. He was 64, divorced twice, and many partners. Never been in love. And I was no exception. Also: cherry apple blossom crème rinse for masturbating in the shower every day and twice a day on the weekends. He kept a routine.

He never closed cabinets, drawers, or containers after opening them. Unfortunately, he did the same with the refrigerator. His mother was exactly the same way!

Ceiling-Fan2:

My ex did this too! At first I thought oh he’s just forgetful. No, he’s just lazy af. Why you got ALL the kitchen cabinets open after making 1 freaking meal?!

Not giving me any compliments. Expecting me to just believe that he likes me just because he exists. Not looking into my eyes even during intimacy. Answering with "Understood" when I was sharing my feelings. In general being very lukewarm. Being more affectionate to a cat than to me (when I asked why, his answer was "well you're not a cat"). I'm shocked I wasted my time with that dude and had to really dig into my traumas to understand why I ended up there. I left after two and a half months but it still was quite traumatizing.

4 years in “I’ve never had an emotional connection with anyone including my family”.

He struggled to regulate his emotions.

My nervous system often did not feel safe around him.

He was secretly obsessed with Marilyn Monroe. I went to his childhood home for the first time and his room was covered from floor to ceiling with calendar cutouts and posters, with a large poster on the ceiling over his bed. And then I found a Marilyn tie, cigarette lighter, Christmas ornaments, pillowcases, and other “collectors” items in the dresser.

He got some kind of mouth infection after eating from a plate he hadn’t washed for a long period of time.

He didn’t know how to blow his nose.

Being obsessed with selvedge denim. I have never met a man who was obsessed with selvedge denim and emotionally healthy. My "ex" (loosely termed as we didn't go out for long) was sooo self-obsessed/superior about it, and so was every one of his friends also in this selvedge denim cult. The man literally had a "supplier" in Japan whom he would never stop bragging about. It was like every conversation with him would eventually circle back to selvedge denim.

Honestly, I love fashion, but my experience with straight men who also love fashion has been ghastly. I dated a few because of common interests, but omg they were all just insufferable about it and super snobby/gate keep-y rather than celebrating the fun parts. I'm sure I was probably just unlucky or something, but there's definitely at least a pink flag that pops up in my brain every time I meet one of those guys.

He liked Kitchen Nightmares but only watched compilation videos of the more dramatic parts. Do you know how stressful it is to not get any conclusion to those scenarios? It was just angry people, problems, unhappy customers over and over and over and over and over again.

I started watching (full episodes of) shows and movies in the other room because those compilation videos just put me on edge. I didn’t think it would be a problem, because we both needed to decompress, and he ignored me when he had the compilation shows on anyway. But then he would keep walking into the room I was in and looking at me/moving around until I gave him some sort of acknowledgement, which always pulled me away from enjoying my show/movie. It was like he enjoyed not letting me relax.

He left his Christmas tree up for over a year.

The guy I dated a few times only ever talked about the book he was writing. I tried talking about other things but it would always come back to the book. Would turn up late to dates because of the book. It didn't even sound like a very interesting story either, from what I remember was very generic sci-fi that I was pretty sure I'd read by a published author.

Did not want to talk about any ex-girlfriend ever.

Didn’t think that getting to know one’s neighbors (after living in the same house for multiple years) was a good idea.

What was this guy afraid of?

He had major AUD.

When they turn their passion into their personality.

One guy I dated, he LOVED salsa. And I liked that because I love salsa too. But at my best salsa peak time I would go to salsa class once a week and maybe another time to a salsa party. He was going to salsa 4 nights a week. 1 class, 2-3 parties a week. He loved to talk about how he danced with the best dancers there and they complimented him. How he was the most advanced and sometimes he wouldnt be able to find damcers as good as him. He also loved to point out how salsa was better than bachata. It came to a point where he was prioritizing that over spending time with me and thats where I have an issue. When you become so obsessed with something that you will put it over everything else. If you need to spend 4-5 nights doing just this one hobby, and sidelining everything else, then it stops being a hobby and turns into an obsession. And I can uderstand a young guy who has juat fiscovered it or uses it as a creative outlet because doesnt have other things to do. But for a 36 y.o man who supposedly wants to create a relationship and later a family and is otherwise fulfilled in life, sounds a bit like something to unpack.

Other guy, met him at a bachata class. He LOVED bachata. Was coming to classes twice a week when we had classes and also 2-3 other extra nights when prof would ask for guys in another class, to help with leading. Then he would also go to parties. He loved talking about how much he has improved and how he loved dancing and how the prof has asked for his help bcs he is so good (he was ok). He didnt have other hobbies and we didnt have much to talk about.

I didn’t realize it at the time but he never drove anywhere. The only two times I was ever in his car was because I had a flat tire at work and because I had surgery and needed a ride. I drove us everywhere else… day trips to other cities, down the street to grab coffee. We both had newer cars at the time too. He just assumed I was always driving because he wanted to make it an argument if I said something otherwise. To be honest, driving was one of the only ways I could feel even a little less suffocated so I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the outside world while I could.