30 Times Nice People Were Pushed Too Far And Completely Lost It, As Shared In This Viral Thread

To gain some perspective on this topic, we reached out to Dr. R. Douglas Fields, neuroscientist and author of multiple books, including Why We Snap: Understanding the Rage Circuit in Your Brain. First, we asked if he could briefly describe what it means to "snap". "Snapping is a rapid, automatic aggressive response triggered by specific threats, in which the outcome is inappropriate or regrettable," Dr. Fields explained. 

"We don't call it snapping if the outcome is appropriate--we call that quick thinking or heroic. The neurocircuitry for this behavior is in parts of the brain that operate without conscious control--the same regions of the brain that control other compulsive, automated behaviors like eating, drinking, sex, and emotion. This is necessary because conscious deliberation is too slow to deal with a sudden threat, and unlike our brain's unconscious threat detection circuitry that constantly crunches enormous data about our internal and external state on the lookout for danger, we have a very limited capacity to hold information in our conscious mind."

We also were curious if anyone is capable of snapping, and according to Dr. Fields, we all are. "It is a misfire of neural circuitry that is essential to our survival," he explained. "Stress greatly increases the chances of snapping. This is because stress is simply the emotion that conveys to our conscious awareness that we are in a threatening situation for some reason. As in all defense mechanisms, the brain's threat detection mechanism goes on high alert at times of perceived increased threat. That lowers the threshold for triggering the aggressive response and increases the probability of misfires."

So can snapping be useful or beneficial at times? "We have this neural circuitry because, unfortunately, aggression is sometimes necessary for survival," Dr. Fields told Bored Panda. "We need it to protect ourselves and our loved ones, and, as carnivores, to obtain food. This is the same neural circuitry and same rapid aggressive response that drives heroism. Often someone will come to the defense of someone else, responding instantly and aggressively, and afterward they always say the same thing. 'I didn't think, I just responded'."

When it comes to controlling our potential to snap, Dr. Fields says that, "The key ... is to understand how this behavior is controlled by the brain. Contrary to what one might think from reading news accounts in which people seem to snap over almost anything, aggression is highly controlled by the brain. This is because aggression risks life and limb. Therefore, only very specific situations (triggers) will cause a person to snap. I describe the nine LIFEMORTS triggers in my book, and new research shows that different neural circuits control each of the different triggers, all of which feed into the brain's hypothalamic attack region that launches an aggressive response."

If you'd like to learn more from Dr. Fields about snapping, be sure to check out Why We Snap right here.

In theory, we all love a nice, kind, agreeable person. Nobody likes drama, and we all want to surround ourselves with people who we don’t need to tiptoe around. It is great to work with or be friends with individuals who don’t make us feel judged and who are willing to go along with anything. Want to get Mexican food for dinner? Great! Want to see a horror movie tonight? Let’s do it! Does this shirt look good on me? I’m only asking you because I know you’ll say yes!

The unfortunate thing about docile individuals is that they can often be taken advantage of. People who are more selfish and less kind might view their being nice as a weakness. If a toxic boss or romantic partner realizes they can walk all over an employee or their significant other, it can snowball into dangerous territory. And eventually, after exercising immense patience and understanding, these nice people are bound to snap. 

It can be empowering or inspiring to see nice people finally snap, when they have been dealing with being taken advantage of or been bullied for a long time before. It can also be shocking and entertaining, though. When an individual is always loud and opinionated, we might expect them to get into arguments or find themselves wrapped up in drama. But when the quietest person in the room finally screams, “Would everyone just SHUT UP?!”, you might be able to hear a pin drop.

Why do people snap in the first place, though? We are all familiar with the idea that we should not bottle up our emotions and that we should let them flow freely, but that can be a bit more difficult in practice. We can’t always make it clear to our employers that they have frustrated us because we need our jobs to afford our living expenses. Sometimes, it is not worth it to blow up at our significant other or a family member because we love them and don’t want to hurt their feelings. What starts as concealing one emotion out of fear of confrontation can lead to a mountain of feelings piling up inside of us. And we can never predict what will cause the volcano to finally erupt.

Contrary to what you may believe, staying positive all the time can actually negatively affect our health. It is great to be optimistic, and falling too far on the opposite end of the spectrum can be detrimental as well, if we get caught up in negativity and dwell on the downsides. But bottling up our emotions is a dangerous game. According to a study from the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester, people who try to hold their emotions inside increase their risk of premature death by over 30% and increase their risk of developing cancer by 70%. Positivity can be powerful, but only when it is not causing us turmoil on the inside and leading us to be dishonest with those around us. 

“Suppressing your emotions, whether it’s anger, sadness, grief or frustration, can lead to physical stress on your body,” clinical psychologist Victoria Tarratt told The Hospitals Contribution Fund of Australia. “The effect is the same, even if the core emotion differs.”

In fact, one study from the University of Texas at Austin found that by denying ourselves from experiencing certain emotions, we are only making the feelings stronger. If you don’t tell your partner that it is a pet peeve of yours when they leave the toilet seat up, it is just going to frustrate you more and more over time, and eventually you might scream at them about it. When in reality, they could have stopped doing it months ago, had they been informed that it was an issue for you. Bottling things up can lead to our emotions about one topic coming out in another situation as well. If you partner starts crying when they could not order what they wanted at dinner because the restaurant ran out of shrimp, chances are, that is not what they are actually upset about. Our emotions are sneaky and they will always find a way out, one way or another.    

If concealing emotions is a habit for you, it can be hard to even recognize when you’re doing it. For many years, I cried about once a year maximum. But when I finally did, it was like the floodgates had been opened. I could not stop, and I did not know how to catch my breath or calm myself down. Clearly, that was not healthy, but I had a hard time expressing myself and many situations that we’re “supposed to cry in” didn’t bring one tear to my eyes. Now, however, thanks to the magic of therapy, my eyes can barely go two weeks without releasing some tears. But it can be brief and refreshing, and they aren’t always tears of sadness either. And you know what? It feels pretty great to let my emotions flow. Thankfully, I never snapped to the point of deserving a spot on this list, but I could see myself getting to that point in several years if I had not made an effort to get in touch with my emotions.

Part of the reason why it can be so hard to just allow ourselves to feel emotions is because of the idea of “toxic positivity”. This is the pressure that many of us feel from society to never have a bad day. If someone asks you how you’re doing, they expect you to respond, “Great, thanks!” Your boss always wants to see you smile, and expressing negative emotions can make others uncomfortable. On Instagram, you will only see a highlight reel of everyone else’s lives, and it is rare to hear people openly discussing issues in their personal lives. I urge you to fight the urge to get caught up in the cycle of toxic positivity. You don't need to go posting crying selfies online or share the details of your divorce on Facebook, but challenge yourself to just be honest with others. "To tell you the truth, it's been a really hard day." It might feel a lot better than forcing a smile or fighting back tears to save face.  

Toxic positivity is also present when people dismiss or brush off the emotions of others. If a friend recently lost a loved one, let them cry and mourn in whatever way is useful for them. Don’t try to tell them that “everything happens for a reason” or to “look at the bright side”. We often hear toxic positivity in the form of “things could be worse” or “other people have it much harder than you do”. Let’s not compare our struggles, and instead, let’s be compassionate and allow others to express their emotions. When we are constantly expected to be joyful and deny ourselves any negative emotions, it’s no wonder that kind people avoid speaking up for themselves. It does not feel great to have your feelings shoved under the rug, whether it's by yourself or someone else you attempt to confide in.