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Every so often, we all have to deal with people whose behavior gets under our skin. Maybe they’re rude, selfish or simply difficult to be around. Whatever the case, it usually doesn’t take long for us to notice when somebody else is acting badly.
Yet when it comes to judging ourselves, we tend to be much less critical. A lot of us probably believe that we’re decent and generally treat others well. In our own minds, we’re usually one of the good ones.
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In fact, research suggests that almost everyone thinks this way. A study by i2 Media Research found that 98% of people believed they were among the nicest 50% of the population.
Clearly, the numbers don’t quite add up. We can’t all be nicer than most other people at the same time, which suggests that at least some of us may have a slightly generous view of our own behavior.
And we don’t only do this when judging our personalities. Researchers from the universities of Chicago and Virginia found something similar when they studied how people saw their own appearance.
Participants were shown photos of themselves that included the real image alongside versions that had been digitally altered to look slightly more or less attractive.
When asked to identify the original, people were more likely to choose an enhanced version of themselves. When they looked at pictures of other people, however, they were much better at choosing the real one.
So why are we sometimes so bad at judging ourselves? Part of the answer is something psychologists call illusory superiority. It’s a cognitive bias that leads people to overestimate their positive qualities and abilities compared with everyone around them.
Seeing ourselves in a positive light can help protect our self-esteem and make us feel more confident about what we can handle.
As a result, someone can genuinely believe they’re being kind while still behaving in ways that hurt the people around them.
Pointing that out may not always go down well either, especially when it clashes with the positive image they have of themselves. Of course, some may be perfectly aware of what they’re doing and simply not care.
According to YourTango, there are several signs that can reveal whether someone is genuinely nice or simply wants others to see them that way.
One thing people who aren’t quite as nice as they seem often struggle with is taking accountability. Being told you’ve done something wrong can be uncomfortable, and admitting you messed up takes a certain amount of self-awareness.
Someone who constantly explains away their behavior or finds a way to make every problem somebody else’s fault may not be as considerate as they believe. The same goes for those who regularly put others down, only to dismiss it as a joke when someone gets hurt.
