Common sense isn’t common. It really isn’t. The people who most intimately know how true this adage is are doctors and healthcare professionals. In their line of work, even grown-up patients can’t be expected to act, well, like grown-ups.
Adults don’t always behave rationally, and sometimes, common sense leaves them completely to go on a two-week all-expenses-paid vacation to Bermuda. Because it’s fun to learn what glaring flaws other adults have, here’s a list of the best things doctors never thought they’d have to tell other grown-ups. So scroll down, and upvote the best responses, and let us know which ones are your favorites.
When you’ve read through this list, check out Bored Panda’s previous articles about a coloring book for grown-ups, the best Halloween costume ideas for grown-up kids, and how a mom made her kids apply for household chores like you’d apply for jobs.
#1
My first job after graduating high school involved instrument sterilization at a dental office. One day an elderly woman came in with a complaint of chronic halitosis (bad breath) and stomach problems. Standard procedure for admitting a new patient is to take x rays after removing all metals from the neck and up. The woman carefully pulled out her jewelry and hair pins and the panoramic x-ray was taken and quickly developed. With the imagery in hand, the tech noticed that the woman had not removed her upper denture. The tech returned to the room and let the patient know that she had accidentally left her dentures in and that the x-ray would have to be re-done. At this point the woman expressed confusion about taking out her dentures, the creeping horror set in once the tech realized that the patient had never removed her dentures from her mouth for several years. Our dentist came into the room and explained proper denture care with her before explaining that he needed to have a look give them the circumstances... he pulled out the denture and discovered, to his horror, that the patient not only had maggots underneath the dentures in her mouth but that her hard palate had completely disintegrated. The miasma that swept through the office resulted in cancellations of all appointments for the rest of the day to ventilate the office and clean up all of the staff vomit....
Yes, you HAVE to wash your dentures daily!
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259points
#2
You feel fine because you took your meds, not because you don't need them anymore.
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249points
#3
Yes, you smoking in your house is likely making your kid’s asthma worse.
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229points
A recent Reddit thread about the most peculiar, obvious and common sense things healthcare professionals had to tell their patients received more than 26,600 upvotes and got over 11,900 comments. It’s pretty incredible how quickly the thread went viral, but it’s no surprise why it became so popular. I chuckled at how one doctor had to tell a patient that ‘probiotic’ and ‘antibiotic’ aren’t the same thing. Be sure to scroll down and check out our interview with Reddit user elleboes who made the Reddit thread in the first place.
#4
A couple instances come to mind.
1) Don’t have sex 6 hours after you delivered a baby.
2) Coffee creamer is not the same as infant formula. Please do not feed your day old newborn International Delight.
3) Probiotics are different from antibiotics. Probiotics do not cure syphilis.
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225points
#5
I know you are trying to help but you don't do CPR on someone who is actively telling you to stop between compressions
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225points
#6
Jumping from a first floor balcony onto an alfresco dining shade umbrella below will not make you bounce up and down like you are on a trampoline. Instead your 100kg body will simply crash through the fabric onto the footpath below and break both your arms. You will not impress the ladies with this, like you originally intended - and besides, what exactly is a semi-obese man in his forties still doing trying to impress women like that?
(What I actually said to him, which encapsulated all of the above, was ''what part of you thought it was a good idea?", followed by ''and remind me how old you are again?").
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222points
Patients can be a hassle to work with because even matter-of-fact things need to be explained to them. But that isn’t the only thing that bothers doctors. See, sometimes patients leave out some basic but very important information during doctors visits
#7
No. I cannot tell the race of your baby on ultrasound. You’ll have to wait until birth to have an awkward conversation with one of your boyfriends.
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220points
#8
I was waiting to get my colonoscopy done a couple of years ago and they were asking the lady in the next station if she'd fasted. They went through all the questions and double checked that she had fasted, then after confirming, almost as an aside she throws in that she had oatmeal for breakfast that morning.
Nurse: Ma'am, fasting means you can't eat anything before the exam.
Lady: I know. But I always have oatmeal for breakfast.
Nurse: I understand. But you can't eat before this exam. The doctor has to look at your digestive system.
Lady: But oatmeal is good for digestion.
Nurse: You can't eat anything before this exam. You have to be completely fasted so he can look at your intestines.
Lady: But I always have oatmeal for breakfast.
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215points
#9
My wife is an x-ray tech, and the advice she dispenses most often is "if it doesn't have a handle, don't stick it up your ass."
To be fair, she can't legally give medical advice, but that's some good general advice, right there.
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214points
Best Life reveals that it’s important to let your doctor know if you spend lots of time in front of the computer screen, even if you’re embarrassed to tell them the real number. Furthermore, healthcare professionals really need to know if you’ve lost a lot of weight without trying, if you’re experiencing chest pains or if your poop is black.
#10
Children's oral antibiotics prescribed for ear infections (which are usually pink, sweet, fruit flavored liquids), are meant to be delivered into the mouth and NOT directly into the ear canal.
Yes. This happens. More often than you can imagine.
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212points
#11
Primary Care Doc here, here’s a few of my favorite things I’ve had to tell patients
Please leave your marijuana/pipe/joint/paraphernalia in your vehicle or at home; don’t bring it to your appointment
You don’t need to bring a hunting knife to your appointment.
No I can’t write you a letter saying your rabbit is a service animal so you can fly it around the country with you for free.
Showing up drunk to an 8am appointment and asking me to prescribe you Xanax doesn’t get you Xanax
I am not qualified to tell you how much masturbation is too much masturbation.
It is not my job to teach your adolescent son about how to get a girlfriend.
Your medicine only works when you take it.
I’m not going to give you my cell phone number
Women are doctors too
No I can’t just remove your gallbladder in the office; I’m also not a surgeon.
You shouldn’t be taking your friend’s/mom’s/grandma’s medication.
You can’t just ‘pull your panties to the side’ for a Pap smear
....and the list goes on and on
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208points
Some people think these bits of information aren’t worth bothering others with, but they might be indicators of serious underlying issues. Remember, folks, if you’re not sure about something, just ask your doctor — those few seconds can help you out and will save you time in the long run.
#13
I worked in obstetrics for many years. I was taking care of a woman in her late twenties, definitely not a teen mom, married, with a job. She got to 10 centimeters so I did my usual speech about how to push effectively. She nods and pushes when I tell her and she did great, really moved the baby down. I’m excited but I notice she’s whispering to her husband. He looks at me and says “ so why do you want her to do that?” I was a bit taken aback and very slowly explained that she had to that to get the baby out. She asked if I was kidding. At this point I feel like I’m the butt of a practical joke, but it didn’t stop. He kept asking if there wasn’t “a better way to do it” and muttering that I was being ridiculous. She continued to push and thankfully didn’t take long because she kept rolling her eyes at me. I was thrilled to hand this lovely couple off to the doctor. They looked slightly more convinced when he told her to do exactly what I had told her to do and then a baby magically appeared. If she’d ended up in a c section I’m sure she’d have been convinced I had done it all to torture her.
How does a woman make it into adulthood in normal society without knowing you have to push a baby out?
And then there was the time a woman got mad when I told her there was absolutely no way we could do her cesarean laparoscopically.
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205points
#15
Worked in an optical practice in the UK. Man comes in complaining of bad vision. His asigmatism has increased by like 3 diopters. That's a [friggin] load and definitely shouldn't happen. Optician retested using different kit. Same result. Told him to come back in a week and we will retest it. This time we're looking at 4 diopters. They freak out. Recheck again, another optician checks it. Same result. They run through health, smoking, drinking, medicine. Nothing out of the ordinary. The guy looks stressed as [hell] put his head in his hands and put his thumbs against the side of his eyes. The optician asks if he does that a lot. Apparently whenever he's stressed he pushes the sides of his eyes. He's done it so much that he has physically changed the front of his eyeball and ruined his vision. We told him to stop doing that. Never thought we'd have to tell another human being to not squeeze their own eyeballs. Also had to tell a kid to not look at laser pointers, but he was just dumb as [crap].
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169points
Do you think common sense classes should be mandatory for everyone? Are there any obvious things that you hadn’t figured out until recently? Share them with us by dropping us a comment down below.
#16
Old friend of mine is a Nurse Practitioner. She told me she once saw a patient, male, complaining of severe rectal itching and general pain.
She is a very smart people-person, she can read people very well. She got right to the point and asked him about his daily hygiene routine. She had a hunch based off his presentation that he was a "man's man"..."aint go gay stuff happening here!!!"
Long story short, when showering, he NEVER cleaned his ass. Ever. He told her, that it was "homosexual" to touch his anus.
She had to explain to him that the severe rash and itching he had been dealing with for apparently YEARS was a direct result of his perceived "homo acts."
She instructed him to go home, take a proper shower, and apply witch hazel for a few days.
Amazing that a grown man thinks this way.
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159points
#17
Worked in women’s health......so many things but one that always makes me shake my head is a woman telling me that her doctor said if she pees after sex she won’t get pregnant. I had to explain to a grown ass woman who had already given birth three times that your urethra and your cervix are two different holes and peeing after intercourse can help prevent UTIs but not pregnancy. Learn about your body ladies, no one else is going to teach you.
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158points
#18
Yes, your babies need to be fed through the night. They are not born eating three meals a day and sleeping 10 hours a night. Please, dear God, wake up and feed them.
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150points
Bored Panda contacted Reddit user elleboes who made the thread about basic things doctors had to tell their patients. According to elleboes, the inspiration to make the thread came when they were in a “busy emergency room in Ontario” and saw some “crazy stuff.”
“I had a patient who was a little on the needy side. Which is fine, sometimes people don't get the chance to have someone look after them better than they can look after themselves. But having that patient sit up, and hork a fat loogie on the floor (this person was fully oriented and not confused or anything like that) I was like "seriously dude?" It was equal parts frustrating but also funny. Having to coach someone through their thought process about why they thought that was a good idea just put me over the exasperation edge so on my break, I made the post!”
#19
I am a clinical lab scientist, and I frequently have to tell patients that I cannot accept their stool samples in tupperware, mugs, food to-go boxes, etc. The worst is when they take the sh*t-filled mug back home with them cause they don’t want to lose a “perfectly good mug”.
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140points
#20
Usually goes along with after a car accident and their kids weren't in car seats/seatbelts, how their kids... NEED TO BE IN [FRIGGIN] CAR SEATS... But it's summer so a more seasonal example is the following:
Me- "So whats the problem today?"
Them- "I don't know what's going on! I can't breath! I'm having a seizure!"
Me- "Hmmm.. has this ever happened before?
T- "Yea usually when I smoke crystal meth"
Me- "Did you smoke crystal meth today?"
T- "Yea, like 30 min ago. Why?"
Me- "...."
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138points