There are some things that are so ingrained in our cultures that we never question them. If you’re a woman engaged to a man in the United States, for example, you’re probably going to be expected to change your last name after tying the knot. But is this really necessary?
The Pew Research Center reports that a whopping 79% of married women in the US took their husband’s last name. But Haley Metzger is encouraging women to fully consider all of the pros and cons before taking the leap and abandoning their maiden name. Below, you’ll find a video that she recently shared discussing this topic, as well as a conversation with Kate Beavis Of Magpie Wedding.
It's often expected for married women to take their husband's last name
Image credits: haley.metzger
But Haley Metzger wants women to think long and hard before abandoning their maiden name
Image credits: haley.metzger, pewresearch
Image credits: Samantha Gades (not the actual photo)
Image credits: theguardian
Image credits: haley.metzger
"Women are starting to question the ‘why’ of all wedding and marriage traditions, and discovering many are linked to men ‘owning’ their wives"
To find out more about this topic, we got in touch with Kate Beavis Of Magpie Wedding. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and point out that many women don’t feel pressured to take their husband’s name per se, but they do it because that’s what they’ve always seen other women do.
“They don't question it because society (and family) tell them this is what is normal,” she explained. “They see their mother doing it, their grandmothers - it is just ‘normal.’”
“However, women are starting to question the ‘why’ of all wedding and marriage traditions, and discovering many are linked to men ‘owning’ their wives, and this feels wrong in 2025,” Kate continued. “We dropped the obey vow some time ago, yet seem to be much slower to question the name change.”
The wedding expert says another common reason women change their surnames is when they have children together before getting married.
“Wanting everyone to have the same surname creates a sense of unity, but it is also easier when traveling,” Kate pointed out. “I once had customs interviewing my children, as their passports had different surnames to mine. This was before we were married, so when we did tie the knot, it felt easier to change my name to be the same as theirs.”
"If you have children, it is definitely easier to all have the same name"
Many marriages nowadays also occur later in life, meaning the bride might currently be using an ex-husband’s surname, Kate added. “They will be keen to change it!”
“Of course, you can merge both names to create a double-barreled surname. But for this to work, the husband needs to change his,” the wedding expert shared. “And funnily enough, he is not always open to that. Many also feel a double-barreled name sounds a bit ‘posh’, which feels wrong to them.”
So what are some of the pros of keeping your maiden name after getting married?
“Keep a sense of identity - women can feel a bit lost after getting married,” Kate says. “Continue your family name - great if you have a strong family bond. Less paperwork. (I have been married 12 years and still have some bills in my maiden name, as I can't be bothered to jump through hoops!) Easier for work and business, as people know who you are.”
On the flip side, however, some people see more benefits in taking their partner’s name.
“Some don't have a strong family bond, so they are happy to move on with a new name,” Kate noted. “If you have children, it is definitely easier to all have the same name. You'll have to sometimes prove you are married and therefore carry your marriage certificate (definitely when traveling with children who don't have the same name as you).”
"Everyone must be happy with the decision, as you cannot start a marriage with resentment"
“Legal applications become awkward - for example, power of attorney forms, mortgage applications become harder if you don't have the same name,” Kate continued. “Society expects you to have the same name.”
“The biggest con (that I don't see as a con, really) is that your husband won't be happy,” the wedding expert added. “Remember, society has told him his whole life that his wife will take on his name, so this change can seem like a hard pill to swallow.”
Next, we asked Kate for any advice that she would give to women who are on the fence about taking their husband’s last name.
“Firstly, talk to your partner and share your concerns, remembering my point that they may well be offended,” she noted. “Have a clear reason why, but also other options to hand. Some couples now make up a whole new name, merging the two. There is no right answer here - you will know deep down if you look forward to taking their name.”
“I also feel that if your partner knows your views on feminist issues, they shouldn't be too surprised,” Kate added. “But remember it is the norm to take your husband's name, so even if he is an ally, he may find it hard to understand.”
Finally, Kate says, “Everyone must be happy with the decision, as you cannot start a marriage with resentment.”
Viewers had mixed opinions, but the majority agreed that it's up to each couple to decide what works for them
